


Childish

by nobby574



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 3, Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, Awkward Sexual Situations, Childishness, Crushes, Depression, Emotional Baggage, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Masturbation, Public Humiliation, Punishment, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-09 22:11:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 48,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6925342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nobby574/pseuds/nobby574
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charon has had many previous owners to his contract, but none quite like her. She was stupid, naive, and acted like a child at times. But he was bound to serve and protect to so long as she holds the contract.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Employer

“Talk to- wait.” The dainty figure before me held out her arm to show off my contract in her nimble, little hands. A small smirk plastered on her almost childlike face. This girl had no business roaming the Capital Wasteland, which I’m sure is why she bought my contract. She knew that without some sort of bodyguard she was better off dead. I let out a heavy gruff noise. My eyes narrowing in on her, really examining her. _She couldn’t have been worse than Ahzrukhal._

I watched her fold up the contract and slip underneath her leather chest piece and torn shirt. An expression of satisfaction crept across her face and it twisted my innards into knots. She quick patted the top of her left breast where the contract now lies and turned her attention toward me. She attempted to straighten herself up, trying to appear more confident and tough, than this little girl was. 

I took the cigarette from my mouth, unfolding my large arms in the process. I flicked the cigarette butt to the ground stomping on it with my boot. Her eyes darted to the ashes beneath my foot, her green eyes widening ever so slightly, hiding either the fear or excitement behind them. She quickly regained her composure and cleared her throat. My eyes lazily trailing up from the floor to her face. 

“So, as you can see, I just bought your contract. Meaning you’re now my bodyguard.” _Knew it._ Her teeth showing with every word she spoke. The smugness of her attitude certainly rubbed me the wrong way, but I was bound to serve her now. I glanced over to Ahzrukhal flirting with some ghoulette at the bar. Revenge suddenly coursed through my veins and I knew it was finally time for him to pay. My eyes looked back at the tiny girl before me. 

“Please, wait here. I must take care of something,” I said as I lumbered over to where Ahzrukhal stood. My heart thudding loudly in my chest as the adrenaline took over. My hands suddenly retrieving the shotgun strapped behind my back and I pumped two shoots into his head. The first one killed him instantly, but my body shot another one, just for good measure. The dead ghoul’s head bounced against the back wall before landing on the ground close to my feet. Blood splattering the walls and ground before me and the ghoulette at the bar let out a shriek. 

Expressionless and relieved I returned back to my new employer. Her face stark white and her eyes looked as though she were a deer caught in headlights. I noticed her throat bob as she swallowed a gulp of terror. _This child has no idea what I am._ She jumped slightly when she noticed me standing at her side now instead of in front of Ahzrukhal’s corpse behind the bar. She avoided my intense stare at her and proceeded to turn around and leave the Ninth Circle. She fidgeted with her hands, gently picking the skin off, as she attempted to escape. 

Though my face remained stoic, inside I could feel a twinge of joy seeing the arrogance leave her body as she witnessed me kill. I had noticed her slouch slightly as we made our way back out into the wasteland. This little girl had strutted in time and time again into the Ninth Circle, always batting her eyes at every living creature in there, hoping that her looks would sway people to do things her way. And unfortunately they did for the most part. And each time she’d saunter back in a little more big headed than the time before. She’d even try fluttering her eyes in my direction and it was one of the few times I was glad that I didn’t exactly have free will. I don’t think punching a tiny girl in the face would’ve held well with the patrons. 

But now seeing how easily I could kill a man, all that smugness in her attitude quickly vanished. Her steps quickened, trying to walk at a faster pace than me, but my legs were double the size of her and I kept up just fine. She continued to pick the dead skin off of her fingers and I found it slightly aggravating. Actually I just found her existence aggravating. She’d be the first employer I’ve had that clearly didn’t know what they were doing. Whether right or wrong, my previous employers always had a clear agenda. They were all older than her and certainly a lot more mature….well generally speaking. But now I was a prisoner for this small thing fidgeting nonstop next to me. If 200 years of being a slave hadn’t jaded me, I probably would’ve felt bad for her. 

The sound of her footsteps trudging through the dirt had suddenly stopped and she brushed away a few stray hairs from her face, tucking them behind her ear. Her eyes desperately searching the ground and I knew what she was going to say. I stood very still and stayed several large steps away from her as to not intimidate her even more. 

“Why did you do that?” Her voice cowered much like her posture. I stood very still, not needing her to elaborate on what she was questioning. 

“Ahzrukhal was rotten excuse for a person,” I choose to keep my answer short and concise. I could see in her expression that it wasn’t a good enough answer. She shuffled the dirt beneath her boots and let out a huff. Before she could ask why I continued on. “He viewed the lives of people like a game. He used me to kill whomever for whatever and forced myself upon woman while he got off to it.” Her jaw dropped and she scrunched her face in disgustion. I nodded my head and pulled a cigarette and a match out of my pocket, lighting it while she tried to form some sort of sentence. 

“That’s just….he’s just...ugh!” She managed to spit out. I let out a snort as I exhaled the smoke from the cigarette. 

“Like I said, he was a waste.” She nodded her head in agreement and a little more certainty showed as she squared off her chest. My eyes quickly scanned the area, making sure no threat was creeping up on us as we stood out in the open. She took the hint and grabbed her pistol. Her fingers still trembled a little as she gripped the gun. She gestured her head in the direction ahead of us. 

“I want to go back to Megaton, it’s this way.” 

***** 

We stumbled into Megaton several days later. She didn’t ask anymore questions and honestly we didn’t talk much at all. I was fine with the silence, I actually prefered it. If she did decide to break it, it was to make a stupid comment about “fascinating” the junk she was starting to collect was. I rolled my eyes every time she’d completely let her guard down to pick up a burnt textbook that was far from readable. Of course she’d always find something to take home during the worst times, including a group of super mutants running after us. Being her cover fire wasn’t only tiring, but really annoying considering I was only covering so she could do something stupid. How this girl managed to survive before me, I’d never know. 

We walked into her shake of a house and she immediately threw her pack to the ground, junk spilling out of it. I stood next to the door after shutting it, waiting for further instructions. _Hopefully she’ll let me keep watch outside, give me some space away from that naive child._ She opened her cooler and pulled out two nuka colas, tossing one of them to me. I was a bit shocked by her gesture, considering she never cared to even ask if I needed a rest. Still I accepted the beverage and ripped the cap off, chugging it down. She daintily took her time sipping on the soda while lazily taking a seat on the ratty couch. I firmly planted myself in my spot, tossing the empty bottle into the trash across the room. 

“Why do you always look so tense?” She piped up, letting her sandy hair down from it’s ponytail. Specs of dirty and pieces of debris rained to the ground as ran her fingers through her hair. Her hair was longer than I had expected it to, most women kept it short just for the very reason, to avoid getting crap caught in it. I pried my eyes away from her and stared blankly at the wall before me, avoiding her question. I notice her roll her eyes out of the corner of my gaze. 

“Fine, don’t answer. I’m going to wash up so you can go watch outside or something.” Her tone was one of a bratty kid and I glared at her. 

“As you wish.” I gruffed out as she turned into the other room with a bucket and a rag. I proceeded to sit outside of her shake. My shotgun propped against the wall and I folded my arms across my chest, place on leg on the wall I leaned against. I examined each and every citizen of this town, none of which seem threatening. But I had no choice to guard the door. 

As the sun started to set and the darkness began to envelope the sky, I knew I would be spending my days sleeping out here like some dog. Most employers at least let me inside of whatever building they were staying at, but most also didn’t waste a nuka cola on me either. My chest was bubbling with the feeling of fury, one of which I’ve learned to accept and live with. _I don’t know why I think that any new employer would be different from the last. Of course she’s going to treat me like some toy that she can do whatever with. She’ll toss me to the side and then get me when she needs someone to cover her ignorant ass while she collects more worthless shit._ The anger gradually increasing inside me and I wanted to bust a hole through her wall, hoping her face would be right on the other side. 

This girl had no savvy, no skill, she barely even knew how to use her crappy pistol. I was just the muscle and the shield she needed to do…..whatever it is she wanted. I slumped down the wall and bent my knees, allowing my arms to rest on top of them. _What did this girl want? If she just wanted to get by living a comfy life she could just stay here in Megaton, not even needing me._ But clearly there was a lot more I had to learn about her, hell I didn’t even know her name. 

I sat there for what felt like hours, keeping my rage under control, zoning out all of my thoughts and staring into the void of the sky. Everyone was asleep by this point and I was able to relax a little, still keeping my guard up as always. My eyes started to burn as the hours ticked by but once again it was a feeling I had grown accustomed to. Most employers asked me to keep watch while they slept. All. Night. Long. 

When I was about to get a couple hours of sleep, hunched over my knees, the door to my owner’s house opened. The tiny figure gently poked her head out, a curtain of hair falling over her face before she tucked it back looking down at me. My eyes stayed glued to the open sky, giving the illusion that I wasn’t peering at her from my peripheral vision. She was only wearing a big, dirty, white t-shirt, allowing her toned legs to be seen. _For a child she at least has some nice legs._ I shook my head and that thought away. She crept out of the doorway a little more. 

“You know I finished washing up hours ago,” She said in a timid tone. I kept my body frozen but allowed my eyes to fully look at her. She didn’t seem afraid or arrogant in that moment, just small. A ping of emotion rushed to my heart but only for a second before I was back to feeling emotionless. 

“You didn’t instruct me to come back inside,” I retorted. I could tell she felt a little bad about not checking on me sooner, but I didn’t expect much out of her to begin with. She opened the door fully and straightened her stance. I didn’t move. 

“This contract is really tight isn’t it?” She asked. I nodded my head, hoping she wouldn’t delve much further into a conversation about it. She clicked her tongue and leaned in the doorframe. Her slender arms folding over her chest and her tilted to the side. Her hair wasn’t as sandy now that actual sand wasn’t covering it. She had more of a strawberry blonde color. My eyes trailed down her body. She wasn’t wearing any sort of band around her not so humble sized breasts. Bras weren’t really common out here, so many woman banded their chests with some fabric to make do. Her nipples must’ve hardened after rubbing against the fabric, most men would’ve pounced on her bones at the sight. But after being forced to have sex many times, anything that could’ve been sexy no longer appealed to me. However, I could still appreciate a woman’s muscular physique, hence why I took another glance at her legs. 

“Well come on, you’re sleeping on the couch not out here.” She instructed, unfolding her arms and waving me inside. I promptly stood up, retrieving my shotgun and followed her inside. She stretched her arms above her head while yawning, revealing the blue, lace trimmed panties she wore underneath the shirt. Her backside was round and just as toned as her legs. _She’s lucky I’m not like every other man out there._ She pointed to the ratty couch that she drank the nuka cola on earlier. I put down my stuff, pulling out my combat knife and shoved it behind the cushion. She raised an eyebrow at me but continued on to her room. 

“We’re getting up in four hours. Now get a little sleep.” She said yawning again. I nodded my head. 

“As you wish.”


	2. The Contract

I slept for maybe an hour and a half before prepping to awake my employer. My huge frame hung off the end of the couch. My body ached from the position and the fact that sleeping in stiff armor was never comfortable. I sat up and pulled the knife from out of the cushion, slipping it into my boot. I walked over to her room and found her sprawled out on the bed. Limbs stretched in each and every direction. She snored loudly and I noticed a dribble of drool pooling by her mouth. I couldn’t help but let a small smirk slide on upon my face at the sight. She was a mess in her sleep. _Her hair has got to be a pain in the ass to untangle._

“Mistress it’s been about four hours. Wake up.” I said in a flat tone. She didn’t even flinch. I let out a hefty sigh and gently gave her ribs a nudge to wake up. Still nothing. _Now I really wonder how she wasn’t shot dead out there._ I decided to pull her arm and physically drag out of bed. With a loud thud she dropped to floor, her body jolting awake. 

“Ow! What the hell Charon?!” She yelled rubbing her eyes. I straightened myself up letting go of her fragile arm. 

“It’s been four hours mistress. You said you wanted to wake up at this time.” She stopped rubbing and her eyes immediately shot up to me. 

“Why’d you call me mistress?” I shrugged my broad shoulders. She narrowed her eyes at me. 

“I do not know your name, nor do I care to know. I can call you something else if you desire.” Her mouth twitched into a crooked smile. 

“No no. I like it. Kinda powerful…” She slowly rose up and did a quick glance up and down my body. She stood on her tiptoes and her hot breath made the few hairs on my neck stand up. “Kinda sexy…” She whispered, her lips brushing my jawline as she spoke. _She is nothing more than your employer. Your childish, naive, ignorant employer._ She sunk back down to her normal height and giving me a pat on my bicep. 

“Alright, good talk.” She said grinning at me with a mischievous smile before turning around to her dresser. I took that as a sign to exit her room and went back to grab my own pack. 

I began to worry about the look she gave me when she stated that she enjoyed the term ‘mistress’. The several women employers I’ve had before all immediately used that term in the bedroom. Nothing in my contract says that they can’t perform sexual acts with me...or more like I perform sexual acts on them. At first I didn’t mind, it was almost a little fun, but fun ends when you get no say in what’s going on. _Please do not order me to have sex with you. I’d probably snap you like a twig._

Right as my thoughts were about to explore the scary ideas that my new employer might try, she strolled back into the room. She was had changed from the shirt and panties to a tank top with holes, brown leather pants, same boots, and her leather chest plate. Her face covered by a faded red bandana and she was wearing sunglasses. Her hair remained loose framing her face and falling across her chest piece. 

“Ok Chare bear, we’re heading out to Rivet City.” Her tone was completely serious. I frowned and furrowed my brow bones together. I aggressively threw my pack on along with my shotgun. 

“What did you call me?” My tone matched my offensive stance. I heard her snort underneath the bandana and she folded her arms across her chest, putting all her weight on her left leg as she stood. 

“Chare bear. You gave me a nickname. Mistress. So I decided to give you one to. Chare Bear.” She seemed very proud of her new name for me. I snarled and closed the distance between us in three strides. 

“Do. Not. Call me that. It’s Charon or it’s nothing.” I said through gritted teeth. I practically stabbed her with my ghoulish finger in the chest, but she didn’t budge. I noticed one of her eyebrows perk up and I could see her smartass expression without needing to see her face. 

“And who’s the one with the contract here? Oh that’s right me.” She said in an infuriating sarcastic tone. She moved around my finger and headed for the door, arms still crossed on her chest. I took several deep breaths at an attempt to calm down the rage that burned me from the inside out. _If I could break your neck, I would, smoothskin._

The sun outside was blazingly bright and I wish I had my own pair of sunglasses. I stayed a consider several steps behind her, making sure she didn’t drop something, which she did frequently, and making sure no danger lingered around. I was still enraged by the stupid name which she chose to call me now and I couldn’t look at her for too long without wanting to lose control. _I’ve been treated like dirt for a long time now, but that name is just adding salt to an open wound._

After several hours of uneventful traveling, besides taking down a couple dumb raiders who were just as ignorant as she was, she decided it was time for a break. I checked the area by little rock cave she wanted to take cover in and then took a seat on the ground across from her. She took out a box of dirty water from her pack, chugging a lot of it, before offering me some. I grabbed the box and drank the rest of the water that she had left for me. She removed her bandana entirely from her body and shoved the sunglasses up into her hair. Sweat beaded onto her forehead and she used the back of her hand to wipe it off. 

“So what gives with this contract? What exactly am I entitled to?” She asked removing the paper from underneath her left breast again. She squinted her eyes trying to read the smudged writing, but after 200 years it was not legible anymore. 

“You are entitled for me to serve and protect you so long as you hold my contract. I cannot physically hurt you and if an accident shall arise where I do hurt you, you are required to punish me.” The words spewed from my mouth like a well rehearsed speech. I’ve had to repeat the same phrases time and time again which got very old quickly. She tore her gaze away from the paper and back to me. My stoic and emotionless face looked right back at her, knowing that this was the time for the conversation. 

“So you’re basically my slave? I thought you were kidding…” Her voice and expression had changed to one of pity and sadness. Some of my employers showed me this in the beginning, but once they realized how much power they possessed over me, they’re merciful feelings vanished. 

“Why would I kid?” I asked and she nodded in agreement. She played with a rock that rolled beneath her foot, fidgeting once again. She did that a lot. 

“Has everyone just treated you like…..like an object?” Her question caught me off guard, but i wasn’t entirely surprised by it. Some had asked similar ones before. 

“Yes.” I answered blatantly. She fidgeted more the rock and began to pick the skin off her fingers. It was silent for a few more minutes before she chimed in again. 

“I don’t get how people can just….treat you like you’re not a human.” Her words filled with emotion but I knew it wouldn’t last long. She could cry right now for me and I wouldn’t even flinch. 

“I am not a human.” She rolled her eyes and paused for a moment to glare at me before she went back to squirming. 

“You know what I mean. This whole contract is just wrong…..Why don’t you just burn it?” I let out a sigh, wishing I could do the very thing she questioned. In all honesty if I could just put my shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger I would. But I couldn’t. 

“I cannot allow the paper to be destroyed. If anyone, including my employer, tries to destroy it I am inclined to destroy them.” Her eyes fluttered back to me and I could see them rimmed with tears. Another twinge of feeling came about inside of me and once again I immediately pushed it down. 

“Isn’t there any way out of it?” She asked, choking slightly on her words trying not to cry. 

“Only if I’m killed in combat.” I said flatly. The tears that pooled in her eyes now slowly fell down. She breathed heavily out of her nose and wiped the tears from her eyes, trying not to cry in front of me. She took another minute or so to gather herself. 

“So...you couldn’t even….kill yourself?” Her voice trembled slightly and she used the hem of her shirt to wipe her snotty nose. The twinge of feeling arose inside of me again as I saw her get so upset with my situation. I tried to to ignore it, but this was slightly more difficult than the other. Her eyes glistened with sadness and regret, her mouth turned into a tiny frown, and her face was now stained from the fallen tears. _Other employers have felt sorrow for you as well, it won’t last._ And yet when I thought that to myself, I wasn’t quite convinced. 

“No. Not even if you ordered me to.” The words tasted bitter on my tongue. Her gaze fixated on the rock that twiddled still under her foot. My eyes glued to her tortured face. 

“I don’t like this.” Her voice whispered softly, much like a child’s would. When I saw her as the kid I thought she was, I always thought of some annoying brat who didn’t know their place, but this woman who sat before me...she was a child, but in a whole new way. She didn’t like the circumstances that came with me, she didn’t like the fact that she was now a slave owner practically, she didn’t like any of it. But that showed that she did like me, at least a little bit. 

I chose not to respond to her comment and immediately removed my eyes from her, once she looked back up at me. Her sad eyes burned a hole in my chest and I was starting to get uncomfortable. I shifted my position but I could still feel her eyes trying to look into mine. If I wasn’t already hot before, I was burning underneath my clothes and armor now. _Why is this girl getting to you?_ Before I could get lost in my thoughts and before she was about to set my lungs on fire with her stare, the sweet relief of gunshots sounded off in the distance. 

“Mistress, I think it’s time we set off.” The sound of my voice snapped us both back into reality and she retied her bandana around her face, shoving the sunglasses down to cover her eyes. With her pistol in her hand and my shotgun in mine, we left the coolness of the cave. 

The raiders were off a ways in the distance fighting off a pack of molerats. I stuck out of my arm in front of my employer, halting her. She gasped at the scene being played out before us and I was trying to determine whether or not to take them all out or go around. In the mere seconds of processing I felt the tiny hands clasp around my arm that still stuck out in front of her. I briefly looked down to see her face frozen with fear as she clutched my arm for comfort. I chose not to linger and tugged her around the cave, deciding on going around the fight. She held tight on my forearm and her teensy, little fingers lightly caressing my rough flesh. _Why is she so afraid? It’s just a couple of molerats and raiders, which is nothing compared to the super mutants we’ve encountered before._

We quickly rushed a considerable distance away from the chaos and she slowly released my arm. The warmth from her hand evaporated and for a half a second I _almost_ missed her touch. I scanned the area and determined it safe enough to stop for a moment, shotgun still ready to use in my hands. My eyes caught hers and I noticed the hefty bundle of emotions still behind them. She broke the eye contact and sniffled looking at the ground. 

“I have this weird fear of...molerats. They’re big and gross…..” She said in quiet voice. _Well that explains why she grabbed onto me._ I tried not to chuckle at her words and remained as deadpan as I could. I wondered if i should press her and question why, but now wasn’t the time. And I wasn’t about to become attached this girl. The more I knew about her, the harder it would be when she would eventually throw me to the next person willing to give her a couple thousand caps for me. 

“It’s fine, let’s keep moving. It’s not safe standing out here in the open.” I said flatly and continued walking, she nodded and followed suite. Her small steps doubling in order to keep up with me. We continued back on the path of silence, and I hoped it would stay that way for awhile.


	3. Rivet City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I haven't played Fallout 3 in a long time and I don't owe the game :/ so my memory of how Rivet City is might not be completely accurate, so please go easy on me lol.

Rivet City was just up ahead and I was starting to get nervous. I wasn’t sure whether or not they would be as accepting of ghouls as Megaton or the Underworld is. Mistress didn’t seem to give that a thought the way she strutted up to one of the guards at the entrance. It was the same kind of walk she did when she wandered into the Ninth Circle. The smugness slowly creeping back into her stride and any sort of feeling I had now disintegrated. The guard relaxed seeing the girl bounce up in front of him. A devilish smile on her face. 

“Oh hey there-whoa...whoa whoa whoa. Who is that?” He said smiling at the girl before his eyes looked up at my intimidating figure. His eyes widened and I couldn’t help but square off my shoulders, making me that much bigger compared to him. Mistress waved off his comment nonchalantly. 

“That’s just Chare bear, my bodyguard. He’s harmless unless I say otherwise.” Her words mewled and a fit of rage flared up inside me. _This smoothskin just wants me to rip her to shreds._ The guard made a chuckled noise at the nickname and I stomped up to him, my muscle chest hitting him right in the face. His chuckling quickly stopped and I grabbed him by his throat. My hands loose enough around his neck not to choke him, but tight enough to hold him still. He opened his mouth to say something but my employer stepped between, pushing me off the guy. 

“Charon, that’s enough. Leave him alone.” She said. I released his neck at the command. He rubbed his throat and looked back at Mistress. I took a step back, still glaring at him with my icy eyes. 

“Keep that thing under control. Or else I’m kickin the both of you out.” He said regaining his tough demeanor. Mistress nodded and gently tugged me away from the imbecile guard. Her touch only infuriating me more and I wish I could yank away, but unfortunately I don’t have that right. 

She dragged me into Rivet City, stomping her tiny feet along the way, and pushed me onto the couch against the wall. Her hands balled into fists and I could tell she was fuming just as much as I was. _You better not blow your top, smoothskin. You’re the one who started with that Chare Bear nickname bullshit. _I sat on the couch still as a stone while she paced around in front of me, picking at her fingers for the thousandth time. Her eyes narrowed at the ground and I could see her rack her brain for how to lecture on me about treating people. I sat there, my insides burning, waiting for her to speak so I could rebuttal with the nickname argument. She finally stopped pacing and stood in front of me, her tiny stature barely taller than me while I sat.__

 _ _“Ok, so maybe I shouldn’t share my cheesy nickname for you with everyone,” She started, her voice sounded conflicted. _Well this isn’t how I expected it to start._ __

__

“No you shouldn’t-” She raised her hand as a sign for me to stop before I even could get started. 

“I’m not finished. Like I said, maybe sharing that little term of endearment wasn’t the best thing. But for one, it made you look less intimidating, thus allowing you inside,” _I suppose she had point with that._ “And secondly….well I just….I don’t know thought it make you a bit more friendly...toward everyone.” The confliction in her voice quivered even more. She looked at me for comfort which I blatantly denied her. I’ve been traveling with this girl for awhile now and she would be nothing more than my employer. I wasn’t about to let my guard down now only for her to crush me later on. 

I could see her desperately looking into my eyes, looking for something other than a cold stare. But I didn’t allow her that access. I kept up the deadpan expression and slowly rose up, towering over her once again, hoping to even scare her a little. But she just looked kind of disappointed, as if she was so close to gaining a friendship with me, when really she wasn’t even in the same ballpark. 

“Finish your business here, mistress.” I said in my usual flat tone. She slumped her shoulder in sign of defeat, but she didn’t move. I decided to head into the other door, hoping she would trail along and complete whatever it was she needed. The large, metal door slamming shut behind me. I looked along the cold, long hallways and knew that without her, I’d be utterly lost and probably kicked out.. But refusing to give in to her stubborn ways, I slowly took a walk down the corridor. 

After a few minutes of strolling about in the halls, I started to get a little panicked about why she hadn’t yet followed me in here. _I can’t lose her. I can’t have my contract violated or exchanged._ I hastily picked up the pace and I seemed to only be going down the same passageways. The frustration that was already blossoming inside me was no beginning to grow at a fast pace. My large steps echoing throughout the isolated place and I felt as if I were about to go insane. No signs of people showed and the only noise that rang was the sound of my breathing quickening. My heart thudded at a faster than usual beat and all of a sudden I was utterly overwhelmed. I wasn’t about to lose this fucking child who probably already sold my contract. _That son of a bitch. That’s why she wanted to come. She wanted to rile me up and trade me off for somebody else. She’s gonna sell me to one of these Rivet City snobs and then I’m stuck here._

After wandering in who knows how many circles, I finally and literally ran into someone. A guy with greaser hair and a leather jacket, not to mention a bad attitude smacked right into my bulky chest. He stumbled back a few feet and I took a step back myself. He patted his hair, making sure it was still perfect and then leaned back on his right leg. His eyes looked me up and down before he let out a chuckle. 

“Aye your little girlfriend is lookin for you, big guy,” He said with a sort of New York accent. 

“Where is she?” I asked gruffly. She must’ve been asking people to help look for me and I’m not exactly hard to stand out. He let out another mischievous snicker and pointed behind me. 

“Your girlfriend is out at the marketplace. Just continue that way. And tell her she owes me 20 caps for findin you.” I snarled and turned around. _Why does it seem like everyone I come across is such a moronic juvenile._

Quickly I made my way to the marketplace, which was quite packed with people and I noticed my small employer trade some of her junk for some ammo. Pushing through the crowd, I made my way toward her. She still looked sad and when she noticed me approaching her, she looked almost sadder. 

“Mistress, I thought you were going to follow me.” She folded her arms in a defensive stance and leaned back on her right leg, much like how the greaser guy did. 

“Ya? Well I thought you wouldn’t just take off even though we weren’t done talking.” Her tone was one of defiance and narrowed my eyes at her. 

“I said let’s tend to your business since you decided not to speak anymore.” I kept my tone composed but still stern. I didn’t want her to undermine me with a lot of people staring. And of course people were going to look when a tiny girl was almost arguing with a large tank of a ghoul. 

“Well...I wasn’t done. I was just thinking. We’re getting a room here to stay the night and since I just stocked up on some more ammo, which isn’t all just for _me_ by the way, we’re going to be sharing one room. So you better look forward to getting real cozy with me.” Her teeth showing as she spoke, like a chimp that was trying to display dominance. She turned on her heel and headed off in the other direction toward the rooms. 

After we found our way to the hotel and she paid for one room, I sat down on the bed as she slammed the door shut. With a malicious grin she turned on the radio on the dresser and turned the volume up, as a way to avoid letting everyone hear the argument that was about to ensue. She stood there for a moment, tapping her foot and staring off into the distance, mentally preparing for the battle. I stared at her intently waiting for her to speak. My anger reaching a boiling point after the events of today. 

“You’ve been a real jerk to me, Charon.” She stated, still tapping away with her damn foot. I raised a brow bone at her as if I heard that correctly. 

“ _I’ve_ been the jerk?” I asked, carefully trying to avoid triggering myself from blowing up on her. She nodded her head. 

“Yup. You have been the jerk. I’ve been nothing but nice to you and I’ve tried to be your friend. Yet here you are, still being as cold and heartless as the day I bought your contract.” She said in a matter of fact voice. I could’ve sworn steam was coming out of my ears with how enraged this little being was making me. I gripped the sheets of the bed as if to plant myself there. 

“And what did _you_ expect?” I said through gritted teeth. She lolled her head from left to right and thought for a moment. 

__

“Friendship. But clearly I couldn’t have been more wrong.” My patience was wearing thin and I knew this conversation needed to end or I was about to snap. She unfolded her arms and placed them on her hips waiting for a response. I choose to decline and sat there attempting to control every fiber of my being from ripping her to shreds. _Do not snap. Do not snap. Do not snap._

“No wonder people don’t treat you with respect! You can’t even listen to them!” She yelled when she was done waiting for me to speak up. And with that an explosion of wrath burst inside of me. I torn the sheets off the bed as I angrily rose up and crossed the room over to her. My hands clenched into large fists and her body suddenly shrank before me. I pressed my chest up against her, forcing her to back into the wall. Her expression even more aggressive than before. 

“What. Did you. Just say. _Smoothskin_.” I said spitting the words in her face. 

“No one respects you because. You. Are. A. Mean. Selfish. _Zombie_.” Her words cutting into my very flesh and just like that, I snapped.


	4. Arguing

I lost all control in that moment. My large fists briefly unclenched so I could slam her small body harder into the wall, her figure bounced and I knew that she was going to be in pain from that tomorrow. Her expression that was anger now replaced by pure fear. I pressed myself as much as physically possible up against her. My whole body shook with an anger so prevalent I thought I might just explode. 

“I have never once had an employer as childish and ignorant as you! 200 fucking years worth of employers and somehow, you, this insignificant, little girl has just made me fucking lose it!” My face inched closer to hers as I spit the words back into her face. She squinted her eyes and tried not to look at me. But I grabbed her by her jaw and forced her face to look at me. She still kept her eyes somewhat closed. 

“I have been nothing more than a slave, beyond my fucking control, and you have the damn nerve to call _me_ selfish? I don’t think so.” My hand wormed its way down to her throat and she clamped her hands over mine as an attempt to push me off. 

“Charon. Please. Stop.” She gasped as my hand tightened it’s grip. Her breathing was becoming shallow and I knew she was going to pass out soon if I didn’t stop. _Fuck it. I’ve already violated the contract._

“You’re going to fucking listen to me. You are going to sit on that bed and you are going to listen because I have a lot of fucking baggage to expel on you.” Her face was starting to turn a light purple as I picked her up and threw her onto the bed. She coughed and continued to gasp as she sat there on the bed. I angrily paced back and forth across the room, stopping to break the dresser and throw her pack across the room. 

“I have had many, many, many employers. So of which were evil and rotten, and others who at least _tried_ to do some good in this god forsaken world.” My words tasted of fire and I could feel the flames on my tongue. My body continued to tremble with emotion and it didn’t seem like it was going to stop any time soon. She continued to do as I say and sit there, still out of breath. 

“But they all had clear motives in life, whether that’s to just kill people for sick pleasure, rob people to get rich, or actually help people so they could have a chance at a better life. And then there’s you.” I took a moment to really look at her. To allow her to see the fire in my eyes as I was about to speak on my thoughts about how I really felt about her. She was quivering and her face now returned to its normal color. Her eyes rimmed with tears. 

“You call me selfish and what exactly have you done that wasn’t just for yourself? You go away collecting a bunch of shit and then trade only _some_ of it for things we actually fucking need! You are like a fucking child! How old are you? 18? Maybe 19?” My voice lowered but still was as terrifying as ever. 

“21…” She said quietly. I let out a snarl and threw my arms up. 

“Ha you’ve got to be fucking kidding! 21?! You act like you are 10! A 10 year old little brat who lives in some sort of fantasy world! You think that out there is your playground for lost toys and I’m here to protect you and be the fucking adult! I mean how did you even survive without my fucking contract?!” My voice uncontrollable loud again and I smashed the radio to the ground, furious with the distracting noise in the background. Her tears finally fell to her face and she scrambled to run out of the room. I quickly guarded the door stopping her. She shrank down some more until she fell sobbing to the floor. I crouched down to her level, still fuming. 

“You treated me as your own little fucking toy. You never viewed me as a friend. You never fucking cared for my wellbeing. I have been your precious slave, just like the fucking rest of them.” My face hovered over her head as she tucked hers to the ground, sobbing loudly. The rest of my wrath had finally poured out of me and my body stopped shaking. I rose back up, still slightly anger, but no longer wanting to rip apart everything in my way. 

Mistress’s body was a trembling mess at my feet. I couldn’t tell if it was because my words rang true or because she was frightened of me. I watched as her body vibrated while she cried. A pit grew in my stomach as I watched her unravel before me. It wasn’t a blossom of anger though, but it was one of remorse. My new employer was now cowering beneath me and I was the reason for doing so. I needed to remove myself from the situation before my feelings for her grew even more. 

I quietly exited the room and walked down the hallway. The greaser guy strutting up the hallway, seeming like he owned the place. I was in no mood to be dealing with his smug ass. I avoided eye contact and promptly walked as I fast as I could past him. He slowed down until he stopped but I kept walking. 

“Aye! Did I just hear a bunch of shit happenin in yours and-” 

“I’m leaving Rivet City so you can shut it right there.” I cut him off before he could say her name. _The less I know about her, the less awful I’ll feel._ My boots echoed in the halls and in a matter of minutes I was leaving the comfort of Rivet City. The guards eyeing me of course as I left in a hurry. 

I took shelter in a nearby cave, similar to one that Mistress and I had the discussion about the contract at. Fuck, the contract. _She’ll find me tomorrow. She has to. She has to punish me._ 200 years and I have never snapped on an employer like I had her. Sure, I’ve yelled and lost my temper for a moment. But only a moment. I never physically hurt them and I never caused them to grovel at my feet. I felt ashamed, but that wasn’t what was starting to gnaw at my core. It was the fact that I hurt _her_. 

My insides turned to mush and as I was coming to terms with the fact that I actually cared for that tiny creature that was laying on the floor back in the hotel room. I let out a heavy sigh and plopped down on a rock that was good enough to be a make do bench. My head rested against the cave wall and laid my shotgun in my lap. _That fucking girl in there somehow managed to get me to feel things for her. No other employer has had such an effect on me._

My mind wanted to just think that this was a passing feeling because of what I had done. I wasn’t commanded to choke her and humiliate her, but I did it anyways. But another part of me knew that I regretted my actions because of how I felt for her. No romantic feelings, I was sure of that, but maybe her attempt at friendship did spark some sort of affection inside of me. I sat there trying to distort feeling from fact and it seemed to only cloud my head even more. The image of her frail body shaking on the ground floated about with the other thoughts and I felt as though the guilt of what I did was going to eat me alive. 

My eyelids felt heavy and for the first time in a long time, I was thoroughly exhausted and I needed to sleep. Normally I got by on just a few hours for the whole week with hardly any trouble. But after 200 years worth of frustration just seeping out of me, it was bound to wear me down. I let myself fall into a restless sleep against the cold cave wall. My shotgun stayed in my lap, although it was of no use whilst I slept. And I figured if something were to tear me apart limb by limb, I’d be more than ok with that. 

***** 

“Ch-charon?” A voice trembled in my ear, alarming me to wake up. My body jumped at the sudden noise of the woman’s breath and my eyes snapped back open. Mistress stood over me in the same clothes she wore yesterday, which was very uncommon for her to do. She hated wearing the same sweaty, dirty clothes everyday and would always make the effort to change. But here she was before me, in the exact same outfit as the day before. Her eyes sunken with a deep purple ring and were completely bloodshot from bawling so hard. Her hair was a tangled mess and her skin glistened with a thin layer of sweat. 

I quickly straightened up and tried to seem more alert than I actually was. I had never slept that long in many years and I felt almost even more tired now that I had gotten the luxury. I knew my eyes showed the regret that ate away at me, but I pretended it didn’t exist and looked away at the wall behind her. She placed a small box of ammo in my lap next to my shotgun and I was utterly confused by the gesture. 

“Mistress, according to my contract I must be punished. Why are you giving me ammo?” My voice almost faltered but I managed to keep it in tact. I noticed her swallow and her eyes were puffy as if she wanted to cry again. She grasped one of her arms and poked her own skin. 

“I know. We have to go to Boston for it. I-I’m selling your contract…” Her voice quaked. Her lips pouted into a frown and her eyebrows angled upwards. The tears welling up in her eyes confirming that she did indeed want to cry. 

I wanted to question why she chose that as the punishment. After everything I told her last night that would almost seem like some sort of relief for me. But it was in that moment I had realized my eyes were wide with shock and fear, and I knew she had seen it. She bite her lip and pushed back the hair behind her ear, like she did often. 

“I just figured...I couldn’t actually hurt you...like shot you in the leg or something. But...treating you like a slave and just selling you. That’s the worst kind of punishment there is,” The tears slowly slipping down her face as she spoke, like this was also her punishment. “The devil you do know is sometimes better than the devil you don’t.” She briefly glanced at me before gulping and looking above her head. The tears falling from her blushed face to the cave ground. I tried to control my expression but I knew I was failing. 

“I will not question your punishment. Let us leave then.” I said with my own voice trembling slightly. I stood up, placing the ammo in my pack, and slinging my shotgun across my back. She grabbed her own things and we set forth to Boston.


	5. Time for the Punishment

A week and a half of silence had passed before we finally arrived in the Commonwealth. It seemed like there was a lot more of the city left here than in Capital Wasteland. We walked in dead air through the streets of Boston and finally approached a neon sign that read ‘Goodneighbor’. Mistress opened the red door and I looked around at all the people...ghouls that wandered around. _What kind of punishment does she think this is?_ A ghoul in a ridiculous patriotic getup was chatting up with the ghoulette who worked the shop. He briefly glanced behind him and had to do a double take when he noticed her. 

“Well lookie here. My favorite little lone wanderer has strolled back into the Commonwealth. Had enough of the Capital Wasteland?” He said placing an arm around her shoulders. I stayed back against the wall observing the situation from a distance. 

I noticed my mistress blush at his touch and something inside of me wanted to punch him. _Probably want to hit him cuz that’s who she’s tossing me off to._ Still the feeling was a bit strange and new, but I pushed it down like I had done with all the rest. 

I saw the ghoul place a hand delicately underneath her chin, making her look up at his face. His expression was concerned and his other hand caressed her pink cheek. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, too many others were filling the air with relentless chatter. I saw him nod as she spoke, most likely about me and my contract, before his eyes flashed to mine. Although they weren’t eyes filled with interest or even curiosity, but anger. He let go Mistress and stomped over in my direction. She darted after him, grabbing him by the arm as he started to yell at me. 

“Listen up tough guy. I don’t know why the fuck you’d feel the need to lay a hand on-” 

“Hancock! Hancock please. Give it a rest. He’s going to have to deal with enough because of that…..incident.” Her grasp on his arm was tight and reminded me of how she latched onto me when I discovered she was afraid of molerats. Hancock relaxed a little at her touch and lightly took hold of her hand. She instantly laced her fingers with his. _Why the fuck did she buy me when she had her own damn ghoul boyfriend?_ No, my thoughts were now stupid. I was blinded by anger and quick to jump to conclusions now. 

“Actually let’s just get it out in the open. Hancock I have...a question.” She spoke in hushed tones to not draw attention. Hancock raised a curious brow bone at her. 

“What is it sunshine?” He said in raspy voice. With the close proximity of him I could smell the intense scent of jet and orange mentats. _Sunshine? No wonder she felt the need to give me a stupid nickname. She’s got one of her own._

“Uh...how would you feel...if...Chare Be-...Charon here was your own, personal bouncer?” She said with forced enthusiasm. Hancock let out a snort and shook his head. 

“Sorry doll, but I got Fahrenheit remember?” _So he has his own bodyguard huh? Probably because he was a skinny as a twig and would snap like one too._ Mistress let out a defeated sigh and rubbed her eyes. Shaking her head a little, she mumbled incoherent words under her breath. I glanced at Hancock who looked back at me with just as much confusion. I decided to chime in and fill him in on the situation. 

“Clearly she told you that I am responsible for the state she is. But I see she didn’t inform you that I am in need of punishment for my….regretful acts last night. She is looking to sell me...my contract.” Hancock looked at me with some interest. He eyed me up and down before waving a hand at me. Mistress still kept her head in her hands. 

“No she didn’t get to inform me of that for the 3 seconds we talked. However, I could possibly help you find someone to sell your ah _contract_ to. Let’s take a walk, sunshine.” He held out his arm for her to grab and she reluctantly dropped her hands before looping an arm through his. They strolled the streets of Goodneighbor for awhile. I stayed put, crossing my brute arms across my chest. I didn’t like the looks of that guy to begin with, but now the fate of where my contract will go is being decided by him? No, this was not going to be good. 

After about an hour, they finally returned from the building to the left of me. I hadn’t even noticed them go in, there must have been another entrance. Mistress had a small smile on her face, but it was still overruled by the pain that my punishment was causing her. Hancock now had his arm around her waist and it caused the pit in my stomach to grow exponentially. _Why he is so handsy with MY mistress?_ Before my mind could delve further into what else he wanted to touch, she was standing before me, looking sad but eager to get a move on. 

“We’re going to Diamond City. Bye Hancock, thanks for everything. I’ll see you soon.” She said before kissing him on his cheek. A smirk crept across his face and I wanted to smack it right off. 

***** 

Another day and I was noticing the arrows on signs pointing toward the direction of Diamond City. A guard in what looked like old baseball attire stood in front of one of the entrances to this so called ‘Great Green Jewel’. He nodded a courteous nod at my employer and glanced at me for half a second before pointing out the obvious. 

“Whoa there buddy, you’re a ghoul. No ghouls are allowed in Diamond City.” _No shit I’m a ghoul._ That’s something that will always be tiring to hear. 

“He’s not going inside, I just need to talk to Mayor McDonough about..something.” The guard looked at her for a minute, she seemed so innocent. He nodded his head in agreement. 

“Alright fine. But not past the gate or else you’re both getting your asses handed to you.” We proceeded past the guard and made our way to the brick building. A girl in newsboy cap and red coat was talking to an oldish man in a grey suit. Well maybe arguing instead of talking. Mistresses held up a hand to stop me and keep me from walking inside, while she sauntered up to the two people. 

The girl clearly was fascinated by me when mistress pointed me out. Her eyes widened and a huge grin was on her face. She pulled a notebook out of her pocket along with a pen and starting jotting down lots of notes, most likely about me. I heard her exclaim a loud ‘wow’ before running off inside to Diamond City. The old man however looked a little more reserved, like he was trying to determine what I was. Or who I was. Mistress continued speaking and the man would look over her shoulder at me every now and then, simply nodding his head with what she was saying. His eyes widened with glee when I heard the word ‘free’ get mentioned. She stuck out her hand for him to shake and he gladly did. 

She walked over to me for what would be the last time, her eyes reddening with tears. My heart feel down to my feet and I knew that she had done it. _She’s no longer my mistress._ The thought made me incredibly sad and my throat turned very dry. She looked up at me with the saddest face in the world, looking terribly remorseful about what she had just done. She bit her lip for a minute and tried to speak several times before the words I dreaded to hear poured out of her mouth. 

“I-I’m sorry Charon. You...you said you needed to be punished, so here it is,” Her eyes would wander from my face to the left of me as if to help her force the words out. There was still more she wanted to say to me but she was having a lot of trouble. Her fingers subconsciously picked at the dry skin on her nimble fingers. I had grown to find this almost...endearing. 

My whole body felt numb as I waited for her to finish her thought. I had no idea what else she would want to say to me, but I knew I was going to hate it. My heart pounded harder and faster and I hoped that it would just cause a heart attack and I’d be done dealing with all of this. Every thought that was clouded my head suddenly evaporated as I looked at her tear stained face. I certainly didn’t feel as stoic as I looked. In fact I felt like I was going to collapse on the ground at any moment. My eyes quickly flickered to my new owner who waited patiently in the building. _I have a very bad feeling about him._

“My name is...Charlotte.” Her voice sounded hoarse as she choked out the words. My heart suddenly stopped and everything inside me felt like it had just died. This was the last thing I wanted to hear. The last thing I wanted to know. You never name your brahmin before you slaughter it, it just makes it all the more painful. And that’s why she did it. This was the real part of my punishment. Selling me off was bad enough, but eventually I could’ve forgotten about her. She was just a nameless face in a sea of other nameless employers I’ve had. But now she was one of the few employers that I knew their name. She was no longer some girl to me….she was Charlotte. 

With tears flowing down her face like a constant rainfall, she turned on her heel and quickly left. My bond to her dissolving into thin air and there was nothing left for me to attach myself to her with. She was gone now. And I’d have no choice but to leave her be and work for this new stranger now. My body felt cold and the urge to smash everything in sight came about in me again, but not with wrath, with hurt. With sorrow. With heartache. With every sad feeling in the world I just wanted to destroy everything in sight. But now I couldn’t. The man cautiously walked over to me and I kept as still as stone. An unfriendly smile was on his evil face and I knew I was a lot of trouble with this one. 

“Charon is it? Hello, I am Mayor McDonough of Diamond City. And unfortunately we do not allow ghouls inside this treasured city. So I order you to keep watch in the junkyard until I say otherwise. Understood?” _This guy is just another Ahzrukhal._

“As you wish.” I stated in a dead tone that now matched my dead soul. He quick patted my shoulder before wiping his hand on his jacket in disgust. My footsteps felt heavy as I trudged my way to the trashy junkyard. _Charlotte…_


	6. Humiliation

8 months has passed since Charlotte sold my contract to McDonough and this was by far the most humiliating time of my life. Day after day, I paced around the junkyard, only fighting off mongrels and radroaches that would occasionally drop by. Being surrounded by all the waste I had begun to develop a horrendous odor that was beginning to make even my stomach turn. I was covered in filth and grime because I wasn’t allowed inside of Diamond City, let alone bathe. McDonough never checked in on me and would always send his helper monkey of a secretary out to see if I was still alive. The guards of Diamond City constantly hounded me, cracking jokes, throwing their garbage at me, one even had the audacity to pee on my pack that I had momentarily put down. This truly was my own personal hell. And I had to fucking stay here in this junkyard until McDonough said otherwise, which would never happen. I was bound to stay here in this shit place for the rest of McDonough’s days and even when he passes the first person to grab hold of my contract is clearly going to be some other Diamond City bigot. _And I thought I had dealt with the worst kind of employers before….but this guy….he truly is the fucking devil._

And to make matters even more miserable for me, my mind constantly wandered back to...Charlotte. To how stupid I had been to loose my temper because of things that simply annoyed me. And even then, with some more time and patience, those annoyances could’ve been worked on by her. Someone didn’t have to stay naive forever if taught properly. _I could’ve taught her. I could’ve helped her._ But instead I blew up on her and utterly destroyed her. And it’s wasn’t like she didn’t know her faults, with the way she reacted she clearly knew that she wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. My brain continually tortured me with flashes of her body sobbing on the ground. The way her body trembled with overwhelming emotion. The tiny sound of her muffled cries in her hands. It haunted me and it always would. 

But of course it couldn’t end there, she had to tell me her name. She had to make everything that much more real for me. I could’ve maybe convinced myself that she was some dumb employer that meant nothing to me. Employer #42 or however many employers I’d had before her. But her name just cemented herself as this foolish girl who just wanted to live life. Who had strawberry blonde hair that turned darker the longer she went without a wash. Who had green eyes would light up whenever she came across a new antique for her collection. Who had a body that was toned and firm, giving a nice shape to her legs and backside. Every image of this girl was always somewhere in the back of my mind whether it was her clutching onto my arm when she was afraid of the molerats or when she stood in the doorway wearing a big t-shirt inviting me to sleep on the couch. Every single moment spent with her just there, in my mind, slowly driving me insane. _Wherever you are Charlotte….I hope to god you don’t stop in the middle of a fight to pick up all the junk you dropped along the way._ I never let my mind swim to deep in the feelings pool but it was never easy, especially when I wasn’t even entirely sure what I felt for her. _But I do know that it is nothing romantic. And that makes this just the tiniest bit easier._ One day that lie was going to stop working, but for now I would repeat that mantra daily. 

***** 

I leaned up against the rusted yellow car, my weight shifting the car to tilt downward. Although I had lost a good portion of my weight from being served only one small meal a day, I was still very large and heavy. Speaking of my food, the guard that always delivered me my meal was strolling over in my direction. In his hands was a dog bowl filled halfway with water on one side and a slop of cram on the other. 

“Hey dog, here’s your treat,” He said in a mocking tone. I clenched my jaw, the rage never got easier control each time I was mocked. The guard placed the dog bowl on the inside of the fence and laughed as he watched me approach it. I never gave them the satisfaction of me bending over and lapping up the water and food like a dog, but they still found just as hilarious seeing me try to eat from the dog bowl as normally as possible. 

“Haha this never gets old seeing a rotten waste like you wandering this cage of yours.” The guard added laughing harder as I scooped out the cram and munched on it. My dead eyes looked at him and only saw my reflection in his goggles. _Could I look any more pathetic?_ The guard smacked the fence and then proceeded to walk away, leaving me to finish my food in peace. 

The sun was starting to set and I always looked forward to the night time. I never hesitated to sleep out here in the open because the worst thing that can happen to me is something attacks me and I die. In all honesty, I actually hoped that one day that would be the case and the precious people of Diamond City would no longer have their caged animal to make fun of. But alas that never was the case and I woke up in my never ending hell every day. 

I laid down on the ground, putting my pack behind my head to use as a pillow (which was the only actually use for it anymore) and closed my eyes, letting my mind and body slip into the blackness. I laid like that for hours before I could ever fall asleep. I’d lay there, eyes shut, thinking about everything and anything. Some days my thoughts were better than others. I’d wonder what my life would’ve been like if I had never joined into the military, if I’d be a ghoul still or if I would’ve blown up like everyone else. And if I had been a ghoul, how would I live my life? I don’t think I would’ve ended up in the Underworld, Megaton maybe, probably not Rivet City. I tried to think about my hobbies and likes before the military and everything was honestly just a big blur. I couldn’t really remember my family, my friends, I know I had a girlfriend but I couldn’t remember her either. It was like all my memories had been smushed down and I was left with this weird mush of thoughts. Little flickers of my past but nothing of value. As if a fire was set inside my brain and everything except useless crap had been burned into ashes. Somedays that realization made me sad, other days I had come to terms with my fate, either way I never let it affect me the same way my thoughts of Charlotte did. 

She was a common occurrence in my nighttime routine. During the day I usually thought about her appearance and what has already happened, but at night is when I thought about her mind and what could’ve happened. Did she think as frivolous as she acted? She would always furrow her brow deep in thought and I wanted to peek inside of her noggin and look at exactly was turning in the gears. I wondered if she carefully articulated what she said to me and it just didn’t come out right or she just let her mouth spew whatever and would deal with the consequences afterward. Charlotte truly was a mystery to me and all I ever wanted to do was solve her. I thought about her purposes in life and how she motivated herself to even get up in the morning. She wasn’t bound to a contract like I was, so what was it that made her tick? What was her goal that she wanted to complete back in the Capital Wasteland? _Who the hell are you Charlotte?_

Eventually my mind slipped into a relatively deep sleep and my body soaked down into the earth beneath me. I never dreamed and I was glad that I didn’t. Everything inside of me would just shut off and I was able to escape from this horrible life that I was constrained to. Nothing existed, including myself, and it was the only bit of relaxation I was able to have anymore. But just like any good thing, it came to end with cold bucket of water being tossed onto my body. 

“Up. Now.” My eyes flung open to the guard standing above me, the bucket in his hands. I squinted my eyes from the harsh sun and I slowly shifted myself so I was sitting up. The guard straightened his stance and I suddenly realized two more guards were heading in my direction. Both of them with buckets in tow, but not filled with water. “We got a little pick me up for ya.” He said chuckling. The guard sloshed the liquids onto me and the repulsed smell made me start dry heaving instantly. The guards laughed and backed away. All of them high fiving and holding their stomachs from laughing so hard. 

I hunched over still dry heaving from the horrid smell. _Fucking assholes just poured rotten meat juices all over me._


	7. This is Not the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a little different because I am adding in Charlotte's POV. Also ***Major Trigger Warning!*** Topics of depression and suicide are discussed in this chapter and probably the next several ones. So just read's Charon's POV to skip all of that if you'd like.

11 months now had passed and every day I feel my soul deteriorate that much more. The guards began to torment me more as well and I was honestly hoping they would end of lynching me just to end it all. I leaned against the wire fence behind me glaring at the large baseball stadium in front of me. I thought of how I would murder every last Diamond City asshole and a mild satisfaction oozed inside me as my dream played out in my head. But I was quickly snapped out of my daydream and into reality when I heard a familiar voice shouting off into the distance. 

“Fine! If you don’t let us in, then we’re storming in guns ablaze!” The familiar voice rang inside my head and I almost felt like I might pass out. I walked to the other side of the junkyard just as Charlotte and Hancock knocked a guard out, sprinting past him. My eyes locked her with her for a moment and it seemed as though time had stopped completely. Her green eyes shined at me with a clear sense of determination. Her face was dirtier than I had ever seen it and her hair looked like it was tangled into huge knots in her ponytail. She wore a dusty denim dress underneath her old leather chest piece. I couldn’t help but stare at her, thinking about how...different she looked. 

Time sped back up when Hancock grabbed her arm and pulled to the opening of the stadium. She turned her head away from me and focused on Hancock as he dragged her along. They raced into the building and everything inside of me wanted to feel hope that she was coming to rescue you. _Don’t get your hopes up. She is on a mission and her world doesn’t revolve around you._

The rest of the guards rushed into as frantic screams echoed inside of Diamond City and every fiber of my being tried to escape the junkyard, but I physically couldn’t. The contract held me down with invisible ropes and I wasn’t able to break free. I grasped the fence as if it would help me see what was happening inside but of course it did nothing. Adrenaline started to pump throughout my veins as I heard the shouting and screaming continue upward. Gunshots sounded in the air and the shrieking continued. The chaos of whatever was going on inside was washing over me and I felt as though I trapped inside with the frightened people. More gunshots rang in the air and I suddenly realized how heavy I was breathing. My nerves wrecked me and my grip on the fence tightened as if to keep me planted here in the junkyard. Two more gunshots sounded faded but still struck fear into my core, someone was shooting _inside_ of the actual building. _She could be trapped in there being shot at._ My brow bones raised in concern and my knuckles were turning white. 

“... _Someone! It’s the Mayor!_...” A voice yelled in the distance. Suddenly the shackles that kept me bound to the junkyard were released and my body was rushing toward the inside of Diamond City while my mind was still cowering by the fence. I couldn’t feel my feet running beneath me and it felt like I was having some sort of out of body experience. I could see myself running through the gates, running past another guard. I was running to her…. 

The guard was hot my tail but I didn’t care. I heard him loading ammo into his gun and I heard him cock the barrel. I heard the three bullets shoot out from the gun and I heard the sound of my armor being torn upon the impact. But I felt nothing, my body was utterly numb and my head was going light. My eyes blurred as I took in the sight of the town. Citizens recoiled in fear at my presence and suddenly all the screams were directed toward me. I never saw Charlotte or Hancock or even the Mayor before everything faded to black. My ears were the last sense to disappear into the darkness, hearing my body smack to the ground with a loud thud. Hearing the people some more screams along with cheers from seeing the beast brought down. 

“Did you get it?!” A raspy voice shouted above my body. I knew it had to have been Hancock, but my brain was no longer functioning. The noises were blending together into a mesh of incoherent sounds before muting all together. I was dying and I knew it. Everything from reality had finally slipped away and I was back in total, silent darkness. It was like I was asleep, although this time I was positive I was waking up. 

***** 

“Would you just go look! Damn Fahr since when did you become so jealous of her?!” The same raspy voice that hovered above me was now yelling several feet to the left of me. A heaviness weighed my entire being down and I wasn’t sure what the hell was happening. My thoughts still a jumbled mess. My eyes felt like they were permanently glued shut and I had no control over any of my limbs. I was still numb and my body didn’t even feel like it was mine. The only sign I had that I wasn’t dead was my ears alerting to the voices. 

“Now Fahr! I’m worried sick about her! She’s on the verge of doing something very stupid and I need her here now!” The voice barked at the other person. 

“Fine Hancock, I’ll do it your way. But I bet you that little pawn has either run back to Capital Wasteland or is long gone from this life,” Her voice was harsh and filled with a bitterness that even I could taste. I heard a loud bang on a wooden surface and several sets of footsteps running down stairs. 

“FUCK YOU FAHR! FUCK YOU!” The gravely voiced boomed and seemed louder than ever even though I could tell the person was farther away than before. 

With silence soon wafting the air again, my body once again blacked out. My senses turning off and I was floating alone in this never ending space inside of my brain. 

**Charlotte’s POV**

I couldn’t breathe. My lungs were collapsing inside of my body and a dizzyness swirled in my head. All of this was too much. My legs wobbled beneath me as I ran. I had no weapons, no armor, and I hadn’t even bothered to take my pack. My denim dress had a large rip that ran up my left leg and the blood that had poured down it finally dried, leaving long red streaks. My body was violently shaking with every moment I made but I couldn’t stop. A layer of sweat dampened my skin and it dripped into my eyes from my forehead. The droplets stung but it didn’t matter because my eyes were blinded by the salty tears that poured down. 

Everything hurt. The skin on my limbs were shredded and clumps of my hair were falling out from stress. My heart no longer existed and a waning ache rested in its place. My soul was weighed down with guilt and depression that I couldn’t take anymore. The pain inside of me was far worse than the cuts and scrapes on my body. My stomach was completely empty after vomiting up everything and was eating away at my insides. I couldn’t take it anymore, I needed this to end. 

But any sort of danger that I had desperately hoped to encounter had suddenly disappeared. No feral ghouls wanted to attack me, no raiders were there to shoot me, even the abundance of creatures that usually littered the land suddenly took no interest in me. So I kept moving, one way or another I was ending all of my pain, even if it took just days upon days of running. 

_How could I do that?! How could I do any of that?! What is wrong with me? He didn’t deserve any of that. He deserved to live a happy life...a life with me and I just took it all away. I sent him to the biggest ghoul hating bigot I’d heard about and I just left him. I slept around with Butch, with Hancock, with Deacon, even with the racist Brotherhood of Steel Paladin Danse. I just threw myself to every person who was willing to take me just to pretend that he didn’t exist. I didn’t even enjoy what I was doing and yet I continued. I had hate sex with Butch! I simply hooked up with people that didn’t care for me. I pretend to love Hancock….But I didn’t. I am monster. I hurt people. It’s time for my punishment…._

“Charlotte! Please please stop! Stop running!” Hancock’s voice startled me and I tripped over rock, tumbling to the ground. I couldn’t get up no matter how bad I wanted to run. My body was frozen in the dirt and everything was convulsing. Hancock quickly crouched to my side and pulled me into his arms. They were warm and held my cold body tightly. His own tears rained onto the top of my head and it only hurt me even more. 

“H-hancock..I..I-I just can’t. I don’t wa-want to be here any...more.” My voice was hardly audible over the sounds of my sobs, but he heard the words loud and clear. He cradled my head to his chest and I could feel his heart racing. The piece of paper poked out of from the inside of his coat pocket. I felt as though the words on the paper bored a hole into my head and I wanted to be as far away from it as possible. His hand slowly rubbed my matted hair and he I could hear his own shaky breathing above my head. 

“Charlotte….I know...I know you don’t l-love me. But you need to go back...back to Goodneighbor. D-don’t…” His voice trembled with fear and loss. Each word cutting deep into my wound but I only sunk deeper into his body. Tears and snot ran down his chest from me. 

“I can’t. I can’t see him.” My words felt impossible to choke out. He planted a small kiss on the crown of my head and shushed me. He gently rocked me back and forth in his arms, trying to unrattle both our nerves. _I can’t face Hancock. I can’t face Charon. I can’t do any of this. I’m not strong enough. I don’t even deserve to…_

In a swift motion, Hancock stood up, carrying me in his arms bridal style while I stayed hidden in his chest. The contract stabbing me in my temple like a sign that he was waiting for me back in Goodneighbor. That he was still there and always would be. Hancock’s breathing was becoming more stable the longer we walked. I wasn’t sure how far I had ran or even where I was. 

I wish I had at least made it to Capital Wasteland. No one would’ve come looking for me. Even Butch who had some weird feelings toward me, would’ve just let me go. The people in Megaton might’ve worried but none of them would dare try to find me, leaving behind the safety of their town. I could’ve ended it all. I wouldn’t have to face any more of my demons. I wouldn’t have to go back and face him. To see his malnourished body that now looked like swiss cheese with three large bullet holes in it. I wouldn’t have to see the dirt and filth that was now apart of his scarred skin. All of which was because of me. Because I was too big of a coward to just shot him in the leg or whip lashes into his back and then that would be that. No I had to send him off because I couldn’t handle it. _I am nothing more than a gutless child who thought someone else would fix my problem._

Hancock carried me the whole way back to Goodneighbor, taking care of any threats that tried to stop us. His arms must’ve been completely dead after three days of holding someone. Neither of us really conversed after he found me other than him asking if I was ok or needed something. Love oozed from his words and caused me to ache just a little more. He knew that I didn’t feel the same way but he cared for me. He took me in during my times of need those 11 months after I had sold Charon. He stuck out his neck to come find me and stop me from ending it all. 

But even with all that being said, nothing lit a flame inside me like Charon once had. And now I couldn’t even look at him, I couldn’t even be near him. I knew there was no way I could repay him for everything I had done. _I don’t even know what I’m going to do when I see him._


	8. Dazed

**Charon’s POV**

I heard sobbing. It wasn’t in the same room as me but it echoed all throughout the building. I heard hushed tones of someone attempting to soothe the upset person, but it seemed unsuccessful. Both of the voice I recognized but my head was still in a daze. I tore my eyelids open and my vision was completely blurred. I was in some sort of office it seemed but everything was spinning and I couldn’t make out anything entirely. 

The pain began to run throughout my entire body and my eyes instantly shut. Everything was too much. The pain, the brightness of the room, the crying. It overwhelmed me yet my body didn’t just shut off the second I closed my eyes. The aches coursed through my veins while my brain expanded inside of my head. I felt like giant holes were burned into my upper back, my left shoulder blade, and my right forearm. They seethed in my skin and I could feel the blood pumping vigorously in those spots. 

I wanted to open my eyes again. To really look at the place I’ve been dumped in, but they felt stuck together. Like I needed someone else to come pry them open for me. My head was starting to work normally again allowing the fear and curiosity of where I was to come into play. I didn’t seem like I was in danger but one never knows in today’s world. I wanted to see not only where I’ve been resting, but who was crying. I know the voice, I know the sound of those tears, but my mind still couldn’t register who it belonged to. 

“....He needs to…..Yes…..I’m sorry but you can’t….” My mind couldn’t pick up the whole conversation, but only a few words. The person with the gruff voice was talking to the other who was still bawling. 

“........He-he’ll ha-hate me…...No…..I-I can’t….” The sobbing voice was choking on their own cries and I would’ve winced at the pathetic sound of it if I could. 

I could feel my body finally slipping away, but not like had been doing before. This didn’t feel like I was going to dive into the darkness and never return, this felt familiar. The pain that was burning my innards was turning numb as my heart rate slowed to a resting pace. I was comforted by the silence and nightfall in my head. I was falling asleep and I knew that I’d eventually wake up. 

**Charlotte’s POV**

When I saw his massive body passed out on the couch, I lost it. His face was scrunched and he looked like he was in pain. He laid stiff as a board and almost looked like a corpse in a coffin. I couldn’t see the bullet wounds since he was lying on his back, but I could see massive bruises bloomed across his body from how hard he fell. His chin split open and the blood soaked bandage would probably need to be changed soon. His cheeks were sunken and his shirtless chest revealed how sunken the skin was around his ribs. His was still quite huge compared to everyone else, but it was depressing seeing how skinny he had become. 

The people of Diamond City had treated him so horribly and a rush of guilt suddenly overcame me. I hadn’t really looked at him since he was shot down and I remembered why I couldn’t handle having his contract. I threw the paper at Hancock and took off and that’s all I wanted to do right now is run. But my legs gave out and instead I collapsed into Hancock’s arms. He caught me instantly and held me tightly to his chest, but stayed firmly planted in his place. My eyes shut while the tears poured out of me but every now and then I’d peek over to look at Charon. My heart continued to break while I bawled into Hancock and I tried my hardest to just melt into him. _Charon nearly died because of me. He was thrown away like trash because of me. I can’t handle this. I can’t handle any of this._

Hancock attempted to soothe me and rubbed my hair as he guided me out of the room and across the hall. My arms latched around his waist, clinging to him like he would save me from myself. We took a seat on his bed and I managed to pull myself out of his chest, realizing that I covered him in my salty tears and boogers. He didn’t mind though, he just pulled out handkerchief from his coat pocket and wiped my face. But the tears didn’t stop, my hyperventilating continued on, and the beating of my heart didn’t slow its pace. Hancock ran a hand down my cheek before he let it fall into my lap while grabbing one of my hands. 

“Sunshine, you gotta take him home. He needs to go back to the Capital Wasteland,” Hancock’s voice was soft and cautious. I shook my head no in response since the words didn’t come out. “Yes, you can. You can do this doll,” I shook my head no again and tried to beg him to let me stay but the words barely came out of me. “I’m sorry but you can’t stay here forever. You need to take him back. He needs you sunshine, not me. He doesn’t want me.” His words were hard to hear and I knew it was because I didn’t want to deal with my problems, to deal with my guilt. But I was so afraid of him now, after everything I did to him. 

“Hancock, he-he’ll hate me,” I choked on my words and I could see Hancock about to argue with what I said. “No he will, I put him th-through all this. I-I can’t do this.” I mumbled through my cries. Hancock just placed a hand on the back of my head and pulled me back into him. He let me cry for who knows how long before he lifted me off the bed, taking me back to Charon. 

**Charon’s POV**

A stinging feeling on my face caused me to jolt awake. My body didn’t agree with the sudden movement and the aches didn’t let me stand up to defend myself like I wanted to. My vision slowly returned to normal and I saw Hancock standing up next to the couch with a damp rag in one hand while the other was raised in a sigh of mercy. 

“Whoa there big guy, I ain’t tryin to hurt you. Just cleanin up your chin is all.” He said relaxing again as I sank back into the couch. My body felt stiff and sore as I came more into reality like a normal being again. Hancock threw the damp cloth into a bucket and grabbed a bandage and applied it to my chin. 

I wasn’t sure whether to ask any questions; Where am I? Who has my contract? Is Charlotte ok? I hadn’t been fully awake like this in who knows how long and I felt so disoriented. And what made the situation even stranger was I didn’t care so much about what happened to me rather than knowing if Charlotte was safe. 

“How you feelin?” Hancock asked. I let out a gruff noise and he got the message that I was alive and sore, but I was ok. My mind was still hung up on Charlotte though and as if he could read my mind Hancock reassured my worries. 

“Ya know she’s ok, but she’s a nervous wreck about you,” He said as he fiddled with his combat knife, cleaning it off with the rag that he cleaned my blood with. I perked up as much as my body let me and he suddenly grasped my attention. He briefly glanced at me with sad eyes and I could feel my heart strings tug a little. “She uh...she feels pretty guilty...ya know about everything,” His voice turned sorrowful and the pain inside me grew for her. Hancock stopped playing with his knife and stared bleakly at the floor. “She’s having some trouble coping with everything.” He spoke quieter and his expression grew darker. 

“Where...is she?” My voice croaked while I spoke and I propped myself up on my elbows. It hurt, badly, but I needed to get a move on to get to Charlotte. Hancock placed a hand on my chest stopping me from going any further. 

“She’s down at the Third Rail attempting to drown her depression in alcohol, but I’ve got people watching her, making sure she doesn’t drink too much. But I’m not sure she’s ready to confront awake you yet.” He patted my chest and I slowly laid back down, reeling in the pain of everything. But before I was about to fidget with the growing pain that sprouted, Hancock stuck me with some med-x. I wasn’t exactly pleased to have him pricking me with things but the pain went back to a dull feeling and it helped me relax. He paced in front of me for a few moments, seeming like he was carefully picking his next couple words. 

“So...I feel like you’re awfully uh….calm about everything. Your wounds, what happened, all that,” Hancock said in a puzzled tone. He furrowed his brow bones together as he paced, taking the occasional glance at me. His statement raised some questions in my own head. _Why am I so nonchalant about all this? I nearly died and yet I feel oddly ok with all that. I don’t feel like myself. I think I’m still out of it._

“Well since you’re bein all fine and dandy about everything, I’m just gonna go ahead and tell you everything that happened. I know Charlotte won’t be able to discuss it any time soon,” He cleared his throat as he talked, trying to act as casual about the situation as I have been. “Look uh….we went to Diamond City because we had heard some news about the Mayor. My brother,” His tone went back to being sad and I peered at him with my usual icy stare. He just stared with his dark eyes at the floorboards while he continued to pace. “We heard rumors he was a synth and with all the weird things happenin in Diamond City...we needed to go see for ourselves. So we went in, clearly not welcomed, and confronted my brother himself…..But it wasn’t my brother,” He seemed like he needed a minute to compose himself or he would break down and I obviously wasn’t good at handling people breaking down. He swallowed a dry lump and pushed through the feelings. “It was a synth. So we did what we had to and shot the bastard. Feelin like we took down a tiny part of the Institute ya know? But I think for Charlotte it was a different victory, seeing how fast she grabbed that contract of yours out of his pocket,” A small smile perked up his lips and a small part of me smiled inside too. “Then we heard the commotion. People screaming and before either one of could react, we heard the gunshots. Charlotte was frozen in front of the window and I realized it had to have been you, so I quickly bolted down to the scene, she soon came down too. Course it wasn’t bad enough that you were shot down, but she had dropped the contract as she jumped down from the stadium office. I was already by your side so I just yelled making sure she got it,” He gave me another sad smile. “And she did, but it still scared us both.” Before Hancock could continue talking, I used my strength and decided to chime in. 

“But she isn’t my current employer...is she?” My voice was still hoarse but it was returning to normal as well. Hancock stopped pacing and looked at me. His dark eyes were conflicted with happiness, probably because I was out of a miserable deal, but also nervousness because Charlotte wasn’t my contract holder. 

“No….she’s not.” He reached into his coat pocket and revealed the piece of paper that sealed my fate. After he was sure I saw what he had, he tucked it away again. _It’s not Charlotte, but it’s not the worst employer._

I shut my eyes and I felt my head slowly becoming overwhelmed with all the new information. When I woke up several minutes ago I felt like I had still been in a daze. Like none of this was real. But the more Hancock spoke the more reality was becoming crystal clear to me. I wasn’t dead, I wasn’t in a coma, I was here. I had been shot and with the fall, I had more than just gun wound injuries. My body was a wreck, my mind was lost in utter confusion, and the past 11 months being under McDonough’s word had done some massive damage to me that I hadn’t realized. Going from being treated like nothing but scum to now being cared for was quite the change and it just didn’t seem real. _I don’t understand anything anymore._


	9. I'm Okay, but She's Not.

**Charlotte’s POV**

I wanted to drink to forget. To guzzle my feelings down with the alcohol, but unfortunately Hancock warned Charlie to only serve me two drinks _and_ he had MacCready accompany me to make sure I stayed out of trouble. Still I was going to make those two drinks really count. The alcohol was old and bitter and had sent a burn down my throat with each drink. The liquid warmed my throat as it went down but it didn’t warm my dead soul like I had hoped it would. MacCready’s eyes were glued to the bottle in my hand and occasionally the coldness in my eyes. But with a quick, hard glance, his eyes always went back to the bottle. I didn’t want him there with me, I didn’t want anyone there with me. I wanted to bring the whole damn bar back to Hancock’s office and just drink with Charon’s unconscious body. I wanted to throw myself a pity party for what I had done to him. Just watch his chest rise and fall as he breathed and then gulp away another bottle. I wanted to drink and drink and drink until I was in the same out of it stage as he was. To black out, but never return to the surface. _Maybe I should just rob Charlie and let everyone have at it with me. Just end my misery._

A hand tapping on my shoulder made me return to Earth and I jumped slightly at the unexpected touch. I turned my head to look behind me and saw that it was Hancock. His face was almost giddy but also worried. _Charon must be awake._ A lump formed in my throat before he had even said anything. My heart was conflicted on whether to sew itself back together for the fact that he was back and I could see with my own eyes that he was truly alive or whether it should jump out of my chest and run away in fear for the fact that he would see me after everything I did. I swallowed the hard lump in my throat. Hancock took a couple of deep breaths before he spoke. 

“Charon, he’s up. But he’s uh...kinda strange doll.” His voice seemed out of breath, probably because he ran here to tell me. But why would he be strange? What would be strange? My heart decided to just shattered even more so inside of my chest. 

“Wha...what do you...mean?” My words stumbled out of me as if I were drunk, which I unfortunately wasn’t. He shrugged his shoulders at my questions. 

“He’s just acting like….like he woke up from a nap. He didn’t seem scared or too in pain or even weirded out. He just seemed….dazed I guess...” Hancock’s voice trailed off as we both noticed a large figure turn up from behind him. My eyes widened with shock and I dropped the bottle to the ground. The glass shattering startled me and I nearly fell off the barstool with my jump. Charon’s icy eyes froze my heart and I fumbled trying to move away from them. Hancock just turned around and looked up at the man now towering over him. MacCready tried to grab my arm to help me but I flinched away and ran off to the VIP room in the back. There was no door but I at least bought myself a moment of time to process why the hell Charon was standing behind Hancock. 

_Oh god. Oh god. He’s up. He’s here. He’s angry. Oh god he’s so angry. He wanted to come find me. To come hurt me. I don’t see why he wouldn’t. I should just accept my fate. I should just let him rip me apart like he had wanted to do before any of this happened._ I curled in a ball on the couch and gripped my hair. My breathing had become shallow as my panic attack started to take control of my body. My lungs were tightening and becoming smaller and smaller with each breathe I took. My shattered heart had run back to Capital Wasteland to the safety of my house in Megaton and my stomach was still sitting at the bar with my whiskey. 

Hancock had peeked his head into the lounge where I was and then gestured for Charon to come in. I took a second to look at him, alive and awake him. He was still shirtless, still malnourished, and he still had that chilling stare that could bore a hole into anyone’s soul. 

“I’m just gonna...let you both talk.” Hancock said before leaving completely. Charon stood by the entrance, seeming very cautious of the ticking time bomb that I had become. I gripped my hair tighter and buried my head into my legs like it would protect me from the 6’ something ghoul standing a 10ft away. I could hear myself hyperventilating and I wanted it to stop because it was embarrassing. _The worse he could do is kill me and that’s all I’ve wanted to do since I saw his nearly dead body back at Diamond City._ I needed to fill the silence of the room with something other than my uncomfortable quaking. 

“Wh-why are you up?” Stupid question. Such a stupid, stupid question. He’s up because he’s finally awake and wants to confront me. Tell me off. _I caused him to be tormented for almost a year and now that’s he’s awake, of course he’s going to want to tell me off._

“I wanted to see that you were ok.” His tone sounded emotionless and dead, which was normal for him and better than sounding anger. The monotone words reassured me ever so slightly and calmed my breathing a little. 

“Why?” I asked, loosening the grip on my hair. I heard him take a couple large steps closer to me. 

“Because I care about your well-being.” The words were sudden with zero hesitation. I looked up at him, tears forming in my eyes. I shook my head no at him. 

“Why would you care for the person who…..who put you in hell?!” My voice was back to trembling and suddenly I was shouting at him. He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off before he could start. “Charon, I-I….you didn’t deserve that! I know what the people did to you! How they treated you! But I just...I just lived pretending like that was ok!” 

“I needed to be punished.” Those words sparked anger inside of me. 

“Oh fuck off with that! Charon, I can’t…..just….I feel so horrible. So guilty! I had sex with everyone to forget you! To just push down those feelings for you! And I forced myself to let you stay under McDonough’s...fucked up control,” Everything was spilling out of me and I wasn’t even sure if I was angry or scared or nervous anymore. I was just everything in that moment. “I...I wanted to die. I ran away because I can’t….handle the guilt of what I did to you. You were gone for days Charon! And the longer you were out the more the guilt ate away at me and I just….I’ve done everything to just end this.” I gestured to myself with that last statement and I could’be sworn I saw a hint of emotion cross his eyes. He took a few more steps toward me, closing the distance and I simply cowered at his intimidating stature. His giant hands grasped both of my wrists tightly and I wasn’t sure what he was going to do. The last time his hands were touching me was when they were choking me. I wanted to fall to the ground again and hide on the floor, but he didn’t let me. 

“I won’t let you kill yourself because you feel guilty. I was punished, now’s it’s over. I am under Hancock’s command now. But I know he wants to give the contract to you. So we can go back to Capital Wasteland.” Hancock was right, it was like the whole situation hadn’t even phased him. I whimpered at him in confusion. _I don’t want the contract. I want to runaway. I want to go back to the Capital Wasteland alone._

**Charon’s POV**

She felt so fragile and tiny in my hands. Her expression was one of true suicidal tendencies and it broke my heart. I have to admit, I’m more fucked up now because of my time at Diamond City, but I wasn’t going to let that control me forever. I’ve had evil employers and been in some pretty terrible situations that certainly didn’t torture me so much as it did someone else, but I had grown to just move on. Look past it all. And I was trying to do that now. Trying to just move past Diamond City and McDonough. To just let my wounds heal and those scars would be the only memory that I was even under his control to begin with. But I don’t think it was going to be that easy with Charlotte. She wasn’t going to drop it. She wasn’t going to be the one who was able to move on from this. I wasn’t dead and these injuries weren’t the worst, but to her she did this. She might as well have pulled the trigger on me and tormented me those 11 months herself in her mind. 

But that’s not how I saw it. I saw it as my punishment for hurting her. For losing my temper and scaring her so badly that even now she looks at me with fear that I’ll hurt her again. Being chained to the junkyard truly was hell, but seeing Charlotte whimper before me shows that I deserved it. She was so afraid of me. Afraid of what I had done before mixed with how she chose to punish me. And I understand, I would probably be afraid to. But I could never hurt her again. 

“I can’t. Not with y-you.” She trembled in my hands. Her voice cracking with some words and she couldn’t control it with how hard she was crying. I didn’t know how to help. How to reassure her that my injuries would heal and then it would be over. But I wasn’t even sure that saying all that would even comfort her. 

“Hancock is going to give you my contract. We both want to go home.” I kept my tone as casual and normal as possible, trying not to let any emotion slip out making the situation possibly worse. She shook her head as a rebuttal, but I knew that she was going to have no choice. _Maybe she can think of this as a way to make up for Diamond City, since she feels so awful about it._ I looked into her depressing, green eyes and I knew I couldn’t pull that angle. I’d feel too awful myself for making it seem like she needs to make anything up to me. I sighed and released her wrists, allowing her to scamper back to the couch. My wounds were starting to hurt and my sore body wasn’t used to all this sudden movement. I needed some more med-x to soothe the pain and probably lay down for a little longer. 

I took a couple steps back from her so she could breathe again. She held herself tightly on the couch and stared at me with fearful eyes. _I shouldn’t have gripped her so tightly._ I exited the room all together and headed up the stairs of the Third Rail, feeling the eyes of the patrons following me the whole way up. Hancock was talking to the security at the entrance before his eyes flickered to me. He patted the bouncer on the shoulder and sauntered over to me. 

“How’d it go?” He asked, his eyes gleamed with a hope that I was about to crush. I tore my gaze from him and looked at the outside of Goodneighbor. My face expressionless and cold. 

“She’s afraid of me. She’s consumed with guilt and she doesn’t want to leave with me.” The words I spoke out loud didn’t seem real. I wish they weren’t. I heard Hancock let out a sigh and scratch his head. 

“That’s what I was worried about. You both need to go back to the Capital Wasteland. Because if you go alone, her guilt is only gonna get worse and end up….ya know.” His tone was dry and it frightened me because I knew how that scenario would end. 

“I will do whatever is necessary for the sake of her well-being. With your permission that is.” I didn’t hesitate with the words because I had 11 months to realize how much I really cared for that girl and I wasn’t going to let anything harm her, including herself.


	10. New Feelings?

**Charlotte’s POV**

I watched Charon exit the room and my body relaxed when I was finally alone. I untucked my limbs and my trembling was under control now. My tears slowly stopped falling and my heart returned to a regular pace. I needed to gather myself completely so I could go talk to Hancock. I know my breakdowns were starting to wear on him, so I wanted to be sure I was as normal as possible. 

I sat calming myself down for several minutes before summoning the courage to head to the statehouse and take the contract from Hancock. _The Commonwealth isn’t my home. It isn’t Charon’s home either. We need to go back to the Capital Wasteland._ I chanted this mantra in my head as approached the large, wooden door of the brick building. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and was greeted by the Neighborhood Watch. I smiled at them in return and walked up the spiral stairs. 

Charon was asleep on one of Hancock’s couches, while Hancock sat on the other taking in a hit of jet. His nervous mouth inhaled the drug and let it completely fill up his lungs before breathing out the smoke. His eyes fixated on the contract that laid on the coffee table that was littered with various drugs. I swallowed a dry lump in my throat before proceeding inside. 

“Hancock?” I whispered trying not to wake up Charon. He jumped a little and flashed me a smile, grabbing the contract. 

“Come on doll, let’s talk on the balcony.” He gestured for me to follow him out the door and I carefully tiptoed around Charon. 

The cool air felt nice on my hot skin. Hancock lit a cigarette and offered me one, which I denied. He patted his chest where he placed the contract and my heart started racing. _It’s time. I need the contract. We have to go home. Both of us have to go home._

“So are you ready?” He asked in gravelly tone, staring down at his town. I leaned against the wall to help me balance, my head was going light. _We have to go home. We have to go home. Don’t get overwhelmed._ The mantra kept repeating like a broken record in my head. Hancock noticed my hesitation and gingerly grabbed one of my hands. His dark eyes reassuring that everything would be ok. 

“Listen sunshine, Charon ain’t gonna hurt you. And you ain’t the monster you think you are. He’s not mad, he’s not holding any sort of grudge. He just wants to move on and go home...with you.” His tone was gentle like one would use when confronting a scared toddler. _He’s not going to hurt me. He’s not angry._ I stared desperately into Hancock’s eyes, hoping that he would offer to come or something. I wasn’t sure I could handle this alone. I was started to lose control again. _Stop. Stop. Stop. Everything is ok. He’s ok. I’m ok._

“You can’t come with?” I whimpered out. Hancock let go of my hand and rested his arms on the handrail. His eyes lingered down on Goodneighbor again. I pryed myself away from the wall and grasped the handrail to, looking down on the town as well. I looked at the drifters walking and chatting amongst each other. I looked at the Neighborhood Watch while they cautiously examined everything surrounding them. And I knew the answer, it was no. _Hancock has been separated from his people for me long enough. I have to do this alone._

“You know I’d do anything for you sunshine, but I’m also a mayor and unfortunately I have a stack of mayoral duties that I really should attend to,” He said in a regretful tone. I felt bad for asking in the first place. I moved my hand so it was resting on top of his on the railing and gave it a gentle squeeze to reassure both of us that it was ok. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and flicked it to the ground, stomping on it to extinguish it. He straightened up and pulled me into a loving hug. Embracing me and all my flaws, protecting me from the harsh world. I’ve buried my face time and time again in his chest but this was different. This was like a normal hug, I wasn’t too afraid, he wasn’t holding me to protect me from hurting myself, we were hugging because we loved each other. Because this was going to be a goodbye, not forever but for awhile, and it was one last reminder that we both would be ok. 

**Charon’s POV**

A small hand lightly nudged my shoulder to wake me up. I flinched slightly and my body ached at the reaction, but I opened my eyes to see her small figure standing above me. Her eyes rimmed red and my fate was being held in her hands literally. She gripped the paper firmly as if she were holding desperately onto me like when she came across the molerats. My heart flip flopped and I suddenly became aware that we were about to be alone for a week or so. I didn’t want there to be tension, I wanted there to be nothing. Like when I first met her, she was simply my employer to me. But things have changed and there most certainly would be tension. 

“What time is it?” I mumbled out, avoiding the elephant in the room. She fidgeted with the contract in her delicate hands and it made me nervous that she would accidentally rip it. My eyes were glued to the paper that crinkled in her hands, while I could feel her gaze fixated on my expression, which was as stoic as one could be. 

“Late, but I want to leave now and not make a big scene out of it.” I could hear her voice trip over her own words, preventing herself from crying again. My heart was doing more somersaults inside of my chest. 

“As you wish.” My voice was low and quiet, but the message was loud and clear to her. I rose up like the giant I was compared to her and began to gather my things. Every now and then I winced with a slight twinge of pain whilst packing my things, but I ignored it, trying to act as quickly as I could. The longer I took to get ready, the longer she thought about changing her mind before she finally decided she didn’t want to do it anymore. After several minutes, I was loaded and ready to go. Charlotte sat on the couch, looking morbidly at the ground with her things in tow. I gently tapped her shoulder, grasping her attention. She jumped slightly and turned to look up at me. Her lovely, green eyes filled with so much fear and question. A knot in my stomach twisted. 

“Let’s uh…let’s go home,” She said, slowly rising up with her pack. She shoved the contract in her usual place, tucked away underneath her left breast. I swallowed dryly thinking about how the dynamics have changed and how...interesting this walk home was going to be. _This is going to be a torturous 7 days…._

We quickly fled Goodneighbor in the middle of the night, both of us giving a nod to the Neighborhood Watch who carefully watched us leave. Charlotte’s pace was fast and clearly one of nerves. Her childish ways shining through as she carelessly took off into the Commonwealth, not even bothering to be strategic in the slightest. She twitched and fidgeted her way through the streets of Boston, amazingly not drawing attention from any of the super mutants and raiders that rested near by. I carefully stayed a couple feet back from her, allowing her the space she needed, but close enough that I could still protect her. 

I knew she didn’t want to be near me. But I also knew that we couldn’t spend the next week awkwardly at arms length away from each other. Some situations relied on being stuck in tight spaces and with the way things were now, I think she’d rather take the bullet than be cramped in a small space with me. It made me sad, knowing that things were different, that she was different. My punishment had taken a whole toll on her that I didn’t even consider possible. She was more distraught and rueful over what happened than I was. Sure, I didn’t like it, I fucking hated every second of it, but seeing her so upset over that….it did worse things to me. 

I watched the way she moved about the streets. The way her toned legs jogged up the sidewalk and crouch down to avoid being seen, which was the only cautious thing she did. The way she timidly held her weapon close to her chest, like it was her saving grace. Her body swayed as she fumbled her way around and it was very childlike, but also quite charming. Actually everything about her was charming. Her youth like mannerisms that once irritated me to no end, now were the only things I wanted to witness on dreary days like today. It was the only reason I was somewhat ok with keeping my distance for now, so I could really take in everything she was. Whenever she turned to look for danger, the moon illuminated her features like she was a model posing for a magazine. She was mesmerizing and all of a sudden I was questioning everything I felt for her. _How could a simple smoothskin like her, make me feel so complicated. I know I care for her, but I can’t have romantic feelings towards her. She is my employer once again, at most she can be my friend, but nothing more. Nothing. More._

Hours passed by as though minutes and the sun was starting to rise up, turning the scary streets into a less creepy scene. I noticed Charlotte slowing down some and her eyes were half lidded when she turned to observe the area. She needed to sleep. Dark circles dropped underneath her eyes and I don’t know the last time she got a real good nights sleep. I saw a crumbling building to the right of us that seemed clear of any predators. The building was once part of a housing unit and I saw a dusty mattress lying on the floor of the place. 

Before she took off in the opposite direction I tugged on her arm, pulling her in the direction toward the mattress. She pulled in the direction she was originally going in, trying to slip away from my grip. But I held her firmly, not too tight that would bruise her though. She tugged once more and I turned to her face twisted into agitation. 

“Charon what are you doing? Let’s. Go.” She saying in a commanding tone. Lucky for her, she didn’t say where to go. 

“You need to rest. There’s a perfectly good mattress lying in the building over here. I will keep watch,” I said in my usual flat tone. I could see in her face that she wanted to protest, to just pretend she wasn’t that tired. But even she knew that wasn’t going to work and she wasn’t going to be throwing out demands any time soon, so with a sigh of defeat she let me tug her toward the bed. 

I doubled checked the area while she got settled in the bedroll. She curled up into a tiny ball inside and seemed fairly comfortable. My heart flip flopped at the sight of her. But her eyes didn’t close, they stayed forcefully open and staring painfully into the rotten, blue carpet. 

“Charon?” She said quietly. 

“Mistress?” I noticed a small smile flash across her lips and I almost smiled myself. Her eyes almost closing fully as she blinked. 

“Would you sit here?” She asked patting the space in from of her head on the ground. Another lump formed in my throat and suddenly I panicked inside. _Should I sit there? It’s not a demand, I don’t have to. I really should roam around the building, making sure it stays clear. But what if she forces herself to stay awake? Then there’s no point in roaming. Why is this such a big deal to me now?_ I decided on taking on her request and tensely sat down by her head. She looked up at me with big, doe eyes and a pressure weighed on my chest. 

“Anything else?” I asked, feeling like fool for doing so. I don’t think in my 200 years I had ever asked my employer if they needed something. I simply waited for the command and hoped to it. _This damn girl has to change all of the rules for me now doesn’t she?_


	11. Relapsing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to put out, it's certainly not my best writing but I'm going through a bit of a difficult issue and so I wanted to try to put something out and move on to the happier parts of the story.

**Charon’s POV**

I sat there watching her slip into a comfortable sleep. Eyes fluttering underneath her eyelids, chest slowly rising and falling, a wave of relaxation seemingly washed over her. Every now and then she’d shift a little, changing her position slightly, but even then she seemed so at peace. I hoped that I was bringing her the comfort she desperately needed for a nice rest, but I wasn’t entirely she. She was still afraid of me, my bruteness, my temper. But she asked me to stay and sit right next to her when she’s most vulnerable. _I am her protector and I think...hope...that deep down she knows that._

I took another med-x to numb the pain that was starting to burn my charred flesh. I still wasn’t sure why I was out for so long, but I know those three bullet wounds took quite the toll on me. I was going to have some pretty deep scarring on me, but I didn’t care. My skin was fucked up enough, a couple bullet scars wouldn’t change how scary I looked already. 

The medication began to soothe the pain and my body was becoming less tense. My shoulders dropped slightly, relieving the tension some and my head lolled to the side. My eyelids grew heavy and began to droop down. My mind was going in and out of consciousness and it became very apparent to me that I had grown so accustomed to sleeping regularly, that I know needed it. Not to mention the med-x was making me numb and relaxed. It was strange almost, just fading away into a deep sleep. We were out here in the Commonwealth, we weren’t protected by large walls, or security anymore. I was her security... 

I was woken up by the alarming kicking of Charlotte. I jolted, grabbing my shotgun in the process, assuming there was intruder. But I noticed we were alone in the room and she was tossing about in her sleep. Her eyes shut tightly and her body was shaking violently. _She’s having a nightmare._ I carefully leaned down over her, nudging her slightly. She kicked me in the shin hard and was still dead asleep. I grabbed her shoulders and hoisted her into my arms, controlling her shaking to a minimum. She gasped and I knew she was awake now. 

“Wha-what’s happening?” Her voice groggy and quaking. I loosened my hold on her, allowing her to look around. I took my hand and gently petted her, feeling the sweat on her neck and hair. 

“You were having a nightmare,” I said, feeling her grip on me tighten. Her breathing was still shallow and my heart was crumbling at the sound of her. Panicked and frightened, she buried herself in me. 

“So...I’m awake...now?” Her fingers digging more into my skin as she spoke. 

“Yes.” 

“I...you were….I can’t.” The sound of her choking on her words made me nearly snap internally. I clutched her as close as I could and continued rubbing her back. I could hear tiny sounds rumbling from her and her whole body went limp inside of me. This frail thing inside of my arms was killing me. I hated hearing how terrified she was from the dream that I was somehow involved in. She didn’t deserve this. 

Suddenly she was pushing on my chest, begging for freedom from my arms that held her close to me. I wanted to ignore her plea and hope that she would just pass out in my arms, but I couldn’t be that selfish. I unwrapped my arms from around her and she crawled away, back to her bedroll. She sat there staring blankly at the ground, before rolling up the makeshift bed. Her fingers nimbly tying it up and securing her on top of her pack. I sat there, frozen, not quite sure what to make of the situation. _Is she leaving me? Does she want to go back to Goodneighbor? Why isn’t she saying anything?_ Panicked thoughts flooded my mind. _She only got maybe 5 hours of sleep, it’s not even noon. Why is she so hastily getting ready to leave now?_ And as if she read my mind, or my obvious concerned expression, she gave me a weak smile. Her body still looked exhausted and her face was as pale as a ghost, but that smile gave me a sign of hope. 

“I want to get going again,” She muttered quietly. I stood up, getting ready to protest that she needed more sleep, but she spoke again. “That nightmare woke me up for a reason, to get going.” _Bullshit._ But I sighed in defeat and nodded. 

“As you wish.” 

We left the safety of the decrypted building and took our place back out into the danger of the streets. I kept a close eye on Charlotte yet again. I felt a little relief seeing her walk with a little more alertness in her movements, her eyes no longer drooping shut. Still, I knew she wasn’t at her best and that was going to worry me. She couldn’t go on all the way to Capital Wasteland on only a few hours of sleep a night. She’d keel over and die before we’d ever get there. 

A couple more hours of walking and I could tell she wanted to discuss something. She would open her mouth every now and then to say something, then shake her head and dismiss whatever it was. Curiosity was starting to get the best of me, but I wasn’t going to pry where I wasn’t allowed. Lucky for me, she eventually spit the words out. 

“I...I’m sorry...Charon…” We took a break in an abandoned house after taking out a bunch of feral ghouls. Her voice was quiet and showed how vulnerable she felt. I was taken by surprise at what she had said. 

“There is no reason for an apology.” My tone was as flat as could be and I knew that it stung her a little. She pouted slightly and rolled a pebble under her foot, fidgeting for the uptenth time. 

“Charon...please.” The heartbreak in her voice made me reevaluate the meaning behind her words. _She’s not apologizing to me. She’s apologizing to herself, using me._ I swallowed a dry lump in my throat and took a step closer to her. Her eyes were beginning to well up with tears and I could see her sniffling to prevent the tears from spilling over. She constantly switched her gaze from the ground to me and back to the ground. 

“I forgive you, Charlotte.” 

**Charlotte’s POV**

I could feel myself relapsing, slipping into the cracks of depression. His words of acceptance brought no comfort to my aching soul. My tears had pooled over and began to fall onto my flushed cheeks. My head was suddenly fueled by this toxic cloud and I wanted to run. Whether I ran into raiders, super mutants, or just back to Goodneighbor I didn’t care. _I was doing so good. I was doing so fucking good. I was ok. We were ok. Then that nightmare had to fuck everything up. I can’t fucking do this. I can’t do this…._

Charon stood there confused and alarmed by my quaking figure. I nervously fumbled with the pebble under my foot and I twiddled my fingers with anxiety. The weight of his stare growing heavily on me and I was going to collapse at any moment. I slowly crouched to the ground and placed my weapon next to me on the floor. My breathing was becoming unsteady and my mind was turning into utter turmoil. My eyes were starting to blur and the room around me started to spin. 

“Charon….I….” I muttered out before falling into my hands. Everything was suddenly so overwhelming and I couldn’t contain my bawling. I felt Charon’s strong hand on gently grasp my shoulder. 

“Mistress…?” His concerned words sparked this strange flame inside of me and I reached for him desperately. My hands dropped from my face and gripped the leathery skin on his arms to keep myself firmly planted where I was. His hand that was lightly touching my shoulder now held my waist tightly. His other hand slipping under my arm and cradling my head. My sobs were very audible but I was too deep into the darkness to be embarrassed. I still want to push him away and run as far as I could, but something inside me was almost glad that Charon held me like this. That he was this stoic, cemented, creature that just let me fall apart in his arms. 

“I-I just….this guilt….it’s eating me alive,” My voice trembled and the words I fumbled out were almost incomprehensible to understand. Charon pulled me into his lap and held me closely. His hand rubbing my back, making my spine tingle. 

“Mistress, it’s ok.” I could hear him almost choke on his words. I shook my head. _He doesn’t get it, I’m slipping from him, from life…_

“No…..no you don’t even begin to understand,” Using all my strength I looked at his stern face. I blinked away as many of the tears as I could and my vision became more clear. His usual emotionless facade was cracking and peaks of fear and worry shown through. His brow bones upturned and his thin line of a mouth was turned slightly downwards. His icy blue stare was nothing more than pools of pain floating inside of his eyes. This wasn’t the Charon I was used to seeing and I didn’t know whether or not to feel better. But I continued on with what I wanted to say before I burst. “I….I was suicidal….I couldn’t handle...what I-I did,” His gaze turned even more upset as the words just spilled out of me. It wasn’t what I had meant to come out, but it was too late to take it back now. I noticed his jaw clench and he torn his stare away from me. 

A pit grew in my stomach and I almost felt like I was going to be sick. He looked so angry and sad all at the same time. It was awful to witness and it felt like my soul had just splat the ground. I freed myself from his hold and slid back against the wall. I huddled my legs to my chest and watched as he rose up, looking so conflicted. It was like he was furious and heartbroken all at once. His hands clenched up into fists and I held myself tightly, worried he was going to beat me to a pulp. _I don’t blame him if he wanted to hit me. I want to hit myself._

As the sorrowful cloud enveloped me more into the darkness, I watched Charon take several large deep breathes, before unclenching his fists. He paced slowly back and forth across the room, contemplating on how to handle this newly given information. Silent tears fell down my face and I blankly stared at the floor by my feet. 

“I’m going outside for some air,” Charon said in a trembling attempt to keep hold of his monotone voice. I simply nodded and watched him storm out of the room, witnessing his emotions bursting through.


	12. Things are Becoming Normal again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The darkness that's lingered over both of them is starting to evaporate, but new problems are blooming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So things are now getting happier again and feelings are starting to pop up.

**Charon’s POV**

I rushed out of the building as fast as I could, trying to keep the wall I’d built up from crumbling apart. The warm air of midday felt refreshing on my heated body. My heart was pumping at a rapid pace and everything was disorienting. A whole new emotion had risen up inside of me and I wasn’t sure how to go about handling it. _She wanted to hurt herself. She wanted to rid herself. Because of me. Because I snapped and she did what she thought was proper punishment._ An aching had bloomed inside of my heart and it felt like I was almost in physical pain. _I almost lost her for good. I can’t lose her. I won’t lose her._ I hadn’t experienced heartbreak in over 200 years and honestly, I don’t think I had really dealt with it to this extent ever. It was as if my whole view of the world had changed for the better because of her, but that was almost set to flames. _I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. It would’ve been one thing living my life still serving my punishment, blissfully thinking that she had moved on to better things and eventually die of old age one day. But to think that she felt so horrible for what she thinks was wrong….and to want to kill herself because of it…..I just think I would snap._ But in a sense it was like I had snapped. The thought of her alone being gone sent this rage and torment flowing into my blood. It was like I was about to go feral at any moment. 

And before I even realized that I wasn’t going feral and I was standing out in the open streets of Boston, I was sprinting back inside the building. Charlotte was still crouched in the same position as I had left her in only minutes ago. Seeing her still sitting there, still breathing, sent a rush of relief through my system. Her eyes flickered up to me and it appeared as though she was about to say something, but I beat her to the punch. I quickly dropped to her side and took her in my arms. _You need to tell her. You need to let her know._ Her body still trembling slightly inside my arms and her breath was uneven. Her arms slowly unfolded from her own body and she wrapped them around my waist. 

“Charlotte….I really care about you. Please…..don’t ever hurt yourself.” My voice cracked a little as my robotic demeanor forced its way out of me. I wasn’t used to wanting to show feelings or anything. It was strange and that was going to be an interesting habit to break. Her hands grasped at my shirt and her head had met with my chest. I felt bad as she clung to me, I wanted to say so much more. To sound less programmed and more human. Without paying attention my hands were rubbing up and down her back, feeling every bone in her spine. Just touching her brought this feeling of goodness about inside me. 

And without a moment’s notice, she quickly pulled away and stood up, grabbing her pack in the process. A twinge of loss lingered inside my chest but I got the hint and grabbed my things as well. Her eyes shying away from mine and she blushed a little. _Heh...she’s cute when she blushes._ I snapped my head away from her after that thought and plastered a stern look on my face. _What the hell. Why did I think that? I care for her. But no romantic feelings. I won’t allow myself that. Besides she’d never return them anyways._ I sauntered past her, ignoring the look of confusion that was upon her cute face. 

****** 

The sun shone high in the sky as the afternoon was approaching and neither of us wanted to waste any time. Charlotte seemed like she felt a little better. She didn’t appear as though she would collapse or freak out and attempt something dangerous. It was almost like old times, she walked with a little more pep in her step and I stood towering behind her, checking for danger that seemingly lurked around every corner. We fought our way through several raider groups, well mostly I did, we took on a couple super mutants, and only a few mirelurks. She didn’t seem to want to collect as much antiques as she had before, but there were a handful of objects that caught her eye. A book, a holotape, a piece of a giddy up butter cup, and a cracked cup. Unlike before, I didn’t get annoyed with her picking up the stuff, I simply would get it from her and place it in my pack, allowing her to have the lighter load. 

We had managed a good pace and even kept it up through a good portion of the night. I knew she wanted to get back home as quickly as possible, but I knew she wasn’t going to need to rest fairly soon. We were approaching what looked like Salem and I made an executive decision that we should rest here for a few hours and let her regain some strength and energy back. She for once didn’t put up a fight and wandered over toward some houses to look for a good place to take it easy. I scanned the area and took out what seemed like 20 mirelurks, but other than that I declared the area safe and went back to her. 

She had her bedroll tucked away in the corner of a decaying house, two beams were blocking the path in front of her from potential threats. She laid lazily on top of the yellow mat and stared bleakly out the window at the dark ocean. The winds had picked up and the waves crashed against the shore with an intense force. The sounds of the water hitting the land was quite soothing and I could tell it wasn’t just me who felt its calming effects. Charlotte’s eyelids were now starting to droop low and her breathing was as deep and even as ever. She brushed some of her dirty hair from her eyes and let out a delicate yawn. 

“Charon?” Her voice was soft and quiet, her eyes not tearing away from the ocean outside. I crawled underneath the beams and began unrolling my bed close to hers, but not touching. 

“Yes?” I asked in a flat tone. She furrowed her brow before continuing on with her question. 

“What did they do to you?” I snapped my head up and let out a hefty sigh. _She doesn’t need to know. Especially not now, when she’s almost back to acting like her normal self._

“That is something I do not think we should discuss now, Mistress.” I said blankly. She crinkled her nose as if she smelled something bad. This time it what her who let out a hefty sigh. 

“When we found you on the ground you smelled like urine and fecal matter and who knows what else.” My heart began to accelerate and I wasn’t sure why she was choosing now to ask such trivial questions. 

“Yes.” I didn’t know how else to respond to her statement. I couldn’t deny that, no matter how much I wanted to. But I also didn’t want to give her any clues as to what else might have happened. She shifted her position and turned on her side so she was looking at me. I stared ahead, past the beams, pretending I focused on my guard duty. 

“I feel bad, I mean you shouldn’t ha-” 

“We are done discussing this now. The past is the past, you cannot change it, I cannot change it. But we both can move on from it as I’d like to do now. If you want to talk then pick another topic of choice.” The words came out harsher than I had meant, but I wasn’t going to let her spiral into a fit of self pity and sorrow. I didn’t want her to feel bad anymore and I certainly didn’t want to think about my punishment anymore. I quickly glanced over at her, making sure I didn’t hurt her feelings. To my surprise, she seemed content with my interruption and seemed deep in thought. _Hopefully for a different subject._

**Charlotte’s POV**

I was glad that he cut me off. I shouldn’t try to purposefully look for reasons to fall into the hole of depression again. I needed to move and prying into the past wasn’t going to allow me that luxury. I stared at his arm muscles as I thought of a new topic to talk about. They were larger than I had remembered, or maybe so much time had passed since I really looked I just forgot. I wanted to touch his arms so bad. To feel the mangled flesh underneath my fingertips while I traced the length of his arm. My gaze slowly raised and I was now admiring the details of his jawline. The harsh cut of it. _I bet he was quite the looker as a human._ My gaze went from his jawline to his cheekbones and up to his icy eyes. _Although…...he’s quite the looker now._ I sat up a little suddenly as the last thought crossed my mind. He turned his face toward me as I made the sudden movement. His expression stern and tough, but there was a hint of softness in it that made my stomach do a flip flop. _Was I always this attracted to him? What are these feelings that I’m feeling?_ A rush of heat flushed my cheeks and I fell back onto my mat embarrassed. 

“Is everything alright?” He asked in his usual ‘trying not to care but totally caring tone’. I pulled myself lower into the bedroll until only my head was showing. 

“Mhmm, I just...got tired. Goodnight.” I said feeling even more flustered once I opened my mouth. He let out a huff and went back to sitting up, guarding. I forcefully shut my eyes, trying to go to sleep and escape everything for a few hours. The sun would be coming up in about 3 or 4 hours and I didn’t want to spend my time laying here, wondering what the hell is happening to me about Charon. 

_Come on, just sleep. We traveled so much today, just fall asleep. I need it, I know I need it. Brain shut off. I command you to shut off. Fuck why aren’t you turning off? Ugh of course, the one day I feel better and now I’m starting to confuse myself by starting to like him. I don’t like him. He’s my employer and my friend at most. He protects me, just like stated in his contract, which I own. I own him. But why do I feel like that’s not the case? No stop. Stop. We are nothing. We are just….companions. Yeah companions. And companions don’t get feelings for each other. Nope they do not. Oh god but I mean LOOK at him. He’s so muscly and big and strong and STOP. Ugh go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep…….._

_But imagine sleeping with Charon? Like ‘sleeeeeping’ with Charon. Oh my god stop brain. But still...I can just imagine right? No harm in that. Besides just thinking about ‘sleeeeeeping’ with someone does not mean you have feelings for them, right? No of course it doesn’t. I really should sleep though._

_But just imagine him. Here. Underneath the bedroll with me. Naked. Would he be on top? Yeah I’m sure he could hold himself above me without hurting me. Ok no no no. Bedtime…._

_I wonder how big it is. It’s probably really big. Would it hurt? I’ve never done it with someone who was blessed with such sizing. I mean Hancock was fairly gifted in the size department but even then it wasn't abnormally big. I can’t even imagine a first time with him, that’s gotta be painful. But he’d probably be so gentle. He’d go slow….be careful….make sure I’m uh ready to go. Ya know? Yes obviously I know. God what am I doing?_

And with that the sound of my pipboy startled me awake. I sat up quickly and was breathing heavier than I remembered. Charon stared at me with big eyes that looked like he had seen a ghost. I cleared my throat and fixed my very messy hair a bit. Trying to seem like everything was normal. Even though I had never woken up quite like that in front of him. 

“It’s time to wake up already?” I asked panting. He nodded and still looked at me very confused. I looked at my pipboy. 5:30am. I let out a groan. _I felt like I was only asleep for five minutes. How did this even happen?_

“Are you sure you’re alright, Mistress? You seem a little...jumpy since last night.” Charon grunted, catching my attention. I looked up at him, swooning over how handsome I thought he looked. 

“I’m fine, definitely not jumpy.” I said looking away again. _Jumpy is not the term I would use. Flustered? Sure. Confused? Absolutely. A little horny? Probably. But not jumpy._


	13. Jealousy, Embarrassment, and Arousal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A hint of smut towards the end. ;)

**Charlotte’s POV**

Something I had heard about and wished was still around, was the telephone. I learned that everyone had a telephone with a number and you were able to call them whenever you wanted. No one could interfere with that and you were able to have your own private conversation with someone who wasn’t even there with you. I even heard you could call someone states away! Which is so fascinating to me. Unfortunately we don’t really have that luxury anymore. Sure you can radio someone if you really needed to, but that required disrupting a whole broadcast or trying to make your own, which seems very impractical. And even then you had tons of people listening in on what your saying to the other person. It sucks really. _I wish I could telephone Hancock. Just talk to him. Maybe not bring up the whole feelings for Charon thing considering how he feels about me. But still just to vent or even discuss frivolous things would be nice. A chance to kind of clear my mind a little, distract me. It would be nice._

Charon and I were walking on the border of Massachusetts now and a small part of me wanted to turn around. To run back to Hancock. But most of me wanted to go home. To have my life go back to normal. I was feeling better and I didn’t have as many relapses anymore. In fact two whole days went by without anything. I was getting back to my old self. But that small part of me still clung to Hancock and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. 

“What did you think of Hancock?” The question popped out of my mouth before I had time to analyze what my brain wanted me to say. Charon looked at me with an interesting expression. I couldn’t tell if he was confused or annoyed or what. But I didn’t quite like whatever it was. He glared at the ground before straightening back up and walking again. 

“He seems like a decent person.” His tone was bitter and contradicting to what he had just said. Confusion took hold of my own face and I narrowed my eyes at him. 

“Really? Doesn’t sound that way.” I retorted. He let out a gruff and shot at something far off into the distance. I pulled out my own weapon, not seeing where the danger was. 

“I don’t have much of an opinion of him.” He said in a, once again, bitter tone. A small smirk crept upon my face. _Something about the way he’s saying this makes me think that he views me as more than a companion._ I took a quick couple steps and shoved myself in front of him. He halted and rolled his eyes at my mischievous expression. 

“What.” He said more of a statement rather than question. He glared down at me now, while I still flashed a cheeky grin at him. I pressed myself to him so my chest was touching the top of his abdomen. I ignored the rush of heat that flooded to my nether regions and continued on. 

“Why do you sound a little, what’s the word…..jealous?” I asked still touching his hard body. I could feel him stiffen and tense up at my question. _Knew it._ He walked around me acting like he heard another noise which, I’m pretty sure, was nonexistent. 

“I am not jealous and I don’t have time for such petty emotions. Now let’s focus.” He said in flat tone. I scoffed at his response and kept moving along beside him. 

“I think I like Hancock.” Another sentence that just slipped right out of me without my own consent, but I wasn’t going to take it back. I was curious to see what he had to say about it. To push his boundaries a little and emit some sort of emotion out of him. He paused for a millisecond before resuming like I had said nothing at all. 

“Okay.” His voice as flat as could be and I was unhappy with his answer. I furrowed my brow and let out a large sigh. I could practically feel him roll his eyes. “What?” He asked. 

“I just confessed my attraction for someone and all you say is ok?” I threw my hands up in the air as I spoke and the brute ghoul looked down at me with a disappointed look. I cocked an eyebrow at him and he appeared to snarl slightly. 

“And what am I to say about that? Congratulations? Go get him? You do realize we’re heading in the complete opposite direction as him right?” His words were sour as he spit that at me. I was getting annoyed with the sudden attitude. I crossed my arms and leaned my weight on my right leg, swinging my hips to the same side. _Things are back to normal alright, he’s back to being a giant ass again. Although it is partly my fault for stirring the pot...but still. He’s an ass._

“Yes I realize this. I was just letting you know, in case he suddenly shows up for a midnight visit.” The last few words were unnecessary but he was aggravating me. Charon’s jaw clenched and he squared off his shoulders. Attempting to scare me and think he’s the dominant one here. 

“Ok and once again, what am I to do? Have fun fucking you’re druggie mayor.” The sharp words cutting my core and I gawked in response. He sneered and continued walking as I stood there recovering from the blow he hurled at me. Anger flooded into my system and I wanted to run in the opposite direction. _Don’t let him win. He’s just being an ass. A big crybaby ass._ Hot tears pooled up in my eyes and I quickly blinked them away. Trying to stay somewhat calm and rational. 

“He’s not a druggie! Why are you acting like a jealous baby?!” Not quite the mature way to handle the situation, but at least I wasn’t crying. 

**Charon’s POV**

_Why am I acting so jealous? You care for her. You don’t like her like that and you certainly don’t love her like that, so why am I being a jerk?_ I stopped in my tracks and carefully took a deep breath before turning around. Her face was slightly red and I could see that she was about to cry. _Fuck._ I approached her slowly, relaxing my tense muscles, allowing her to see that I wasn’t going to scold her anymore. 

“I’m sorry. I just...I don’t know who exactly he is and I don’t want anyone hurting you. Forgive me please.” Clearly that wasn’t the response she was expecting as her expression was stunned at my apology. 

“I...it’s ok. And you’re right it's not like anything can happen with someone who isn’t even here.” She said in a light tone with a hint of sparkle in her eyes. Her words struck a cord inside of me. She sauntered off ahead of me, weapon in tow, picking back up where we had left off a moment ago. _Was she implying something? She didn’t sound like she was flirting and her tone wasn’t playful…_ I shook the thought off and followed up right behind her. Taking my usual place as her bodyguard. 

***** 

6 more days had passed and we had finally arrived back to her home in Megaton. It wasn’t the easiest trip. She had a few more depression relapses and one day was particularly hard for her, but we got through it together. 3 of those nights as I laid awake waiting for her to get up, she burst up, panting again and looking very flustered. I wasn’t sure whether I should be concerned because it never appeared as though she was having a nightmare, but she would never tell me what was going on. _Maybe she’s having some sort of sexual dream...probably involving Hancock._ That thought constantly pestering me in the back of my mind. 

She dropped her sack on the ground next to her ratty couch and flopped right on top of it. I placed my sack on the floor by the door and leaned back on the wall, crossing my legs. I watched her take her hair out of its ponytail and let the dirty spew from the strands, much like the first day I was here. I watched her back rise and fall as her face was buried deep in the cushions of the couch. Her neck was covered in a thin layer of sweat sprinkled with dirt. I swallowed a hard lump as my eyes wandered over her muscular backside and legs. _She’s attractive, I can’t deny that. But there’s nothing more that I feel for her._

She lifted her head from the cushion and looked dreamily at me. Her green eyes lighting this spark in my soul that I thought was dead a long time ago. I swallowed another hard lump. She sat up and ran her fingers through her hair, letting more dirt rain to the ground, before standing up. 

“I’m going to take a shower. Make yourself at home, after all you live here too.” She said gesturing to the space before us. She jauntily walked to the bathroom and shut the door, allowing me to let out a content sigh. I moved my sack closer to the couch and took a seat on the old thing. I stretched my limbs out in each direction and it felt so good. Every muscle was tense and every joint had cracked but my body knew that it was now allowed some overdue rest. I leaned my head back on the couch and closed my eyes, feeling myself slip into mild relaxation. My breathing was deep and even as I unwound. I listened to the sound of the water running which gave me a small piece of mind knowing that she was safe in there. I sat there in bliss for about 30 or so minutes before the water shut off. _Maybe she’ll let me take a shower and wash this filth off as well._ My eyes were still closed until I heard footsteps creeping up from behind me. I quickly jumped to my feet, opening my eyes, and finding a wet and naked Charlotte standing before me. She had a towel wrapped around her but both of us were very aware how nude she was underneath it. She let out a small yelp as she grabbed her sack from next to the couch and scattered away. The image of her standing there dripping wet and her face red from embarrassment was now forever burned in my brain. Her toned arms holding dearly onto the towel. Her bare shapely legs with water running down them. Her clean face tinted red. She was beautiful...and very sexy. _Why do I feel as though my pants have grown tighter._ I knew the answer to the question and now felt like I needed a shower more than ever. 

Charlotte reappeared a few minutes later, fully clothed but still looking as flustered as ever. She handed me a clean towel and nodded toward the bathroom. 

“I’d wait a few minutes before you shower so the water can heat up at least a little more. It’s not the warmest but it’s better than ice. Also since you’re really...ya know big, it’s gonna be a kinda tight fit. So sorry about that. And sorry for walking in naked. I thought I brought some fresh clothes into the bathroom and I didn’t and so then you saw me….naked…..ya….” She fidgeted with a strand of hair as she spoke, trying to hide her embarrassment. I held the towel close to my crotch, trying to hide my own visible embarrassment. 

“It’s ok and thank you for allowing me to shower, Mistress.” I said before taking off to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and looked down at the tent in my pants. _I can’t even remember the last time I was aroused. This is going to be a fucking nightmare to deal with now._ I sat on the toilet for several minutes as instructed by Charlotte before turning on the water. She was right, the shower was going to be a very tight fit. I stripped off all my armor and then my clothes, leaving myself completely exposed to the world for the first time in years. My arousal as prominent as ever, as I stepped into the shower. I had to hunch forward slightly, but the warm water felt good on my skin. I washed and washed the layers of disgust that took home to my body for the longest time. I scrubbed every inch of my body, leaving me as clean as I could be. Well all except for one thing that stood loud and proud. I looked down at my mast that was saluting me and I let out a sigh. _Should I even bother? Am I going to be dealing with this regularly now?_ This was going to be a pain. 

My hand glided over my length and very lightly touched it. Even more arousal flooded my system and I was now full on horny. I touch it a little firmer before just gripping it. So many thoughts clouded my brain and endorphins took control. Before I could really start any sort of masturbating, I heard a knock on the door. 

“Charon? You’ve been in there a long time, is everything ok?” I smacked my head on the ceiling and let out a groan while releasing my length. 

“Yes, I’m about to get out now, Mistress.” The words were not suave in the least. I heard her footsteps leave and I shut off the water in defeat. _Well I’m not trying that again._


	14. This is Going to Need an Explanation

**Charlotte’s POV**

Charon emerged out of the shower looking cleaner than I thought he could, but also very awkward. His face was stern and strong, his body was straightened, but something just seemed...off about him. I looked at him, up and down, trying to grasp what was so weird about him. Just as I was about to shrug off the whole thing, I noticed his hands were in a strange position. My eyes widened as I saw how his hands were clasped together, right in front of his crotch. I couldn’t help but smile slyly at his predicament. 

“Something funny?” He asked, his tone wavering a little. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his crotch and his stance had shifted just the teeniest bit, knowing full well that I could see what was going on. I casually walked over toward him, the smile beaming at him, well his crotch. I could hear him trying to swallow in his dry throat. 

“If you uh need to go back to the bathroom, I won’t disturb you this time.” I couldn’t believe those words had come out of my mouth. He looked at me like a deer in headlights and just gawked, completely speechless. I too was actually speechless with what I had said. To be honest, if I had been any braver I would’ve asked him to take me right there. I was very wet just at the sight of him trying to cover himself. But both of us stood there, breathing heavier than we were before, just staring at one another. Looking (and hoping) that one of us would do something about our current situation. But neither of us did. Charon excused himself back to the bathroom and I quickly ran away to my bedroom. 

I took off my shirt that I was wearing and stripped from my pants as well. I felt very hot and that definitely wasn’t because of the weather. I fanned myself down with a paper, but I knew that was useless. _Why did I say that? Ugh I should’ve just ignored it or even just jumped on the opportunity. There’s no denying that I want him like that. So why didn’t I just do it?! Ugh...now he’s in the bathroom...alone...taking care of his problem. That could’ve been me._

I paced back and forth in my bedroom, deciding whether I should go to the bathroom or just leave the house or take care of my own little issue. I was hot and bothered by a ghoul who was now probably jerking it off in my bathroom that was only a few feet away. Thinking about him touching himself made me answer my own question about what to do. I lied back on my bed, sliding a dainty hand down my blue panties. _Whoa_ I was very very ready for him. I guided my hand over my heat, trying to bring my mind to the thoughts that would leave me panting by the time I woke up. I tried imagining him, his length, his solid body just touching me. Becoming apart of me. I tried to imagine his gentle touch and his sweet kisses that he planted along my neck. I tried to imagine him just being animalistic about it and leaving me out of breath and exhausted. But none it worked. It was one thing just thinking about what he’d be like, but it was another thing actually trying to get off to it. I felt dirty and wrong. _I shouldn’t be doing this. He’s probably not even interested in me. It’s natural for people to get horny every now and then. It was bound to happen to him at some point._

I retracted my hand from my panties and put on my clothes again, feeling much less hot this time. _God I wish Hancock was here. Then I’d feel satisfied and wouldn’t have made things weird between me and Charon._ I picked up an old, burnt novel that was still somewhat legible and decided to read a little. Deciphering burnt text was one of my favorite past times and was sure to distract me enough from what was happening in the bathroom. 

**Charon’s POV**

_Fuck, come on. She gave me permission to literally finish. Why can’t I do it now._ I was pumping my length at a generous pace, but I didn’t feel like I was getting off at all. Maybe it was because she knew or maybe it was because I hadn’t done _this_ in over 200 years. Either way I didn’t care, I just wanted to be done. I pumped and pumped but nothing was going to be coming out anytime soon, if ever. _Why can’t I do this? Masturbating really shouldn’t be this hard_ I thought about Charlotte in the towel again. Standing there dripping and naked. It helped a little, but I still wasn’t getting very far with this. I thought harder and imagine her dropping the towel, revealing her full naked goodness. I imagined walking up to her and touching her, everywhere, anywhere. Feeling her smooth skin on my charred hand. Hearing her moan at my touch. That helped some more and allowed me to finish. A sad excuse from a finish spurted out into the toilet, but my mast was no longer saluting me and I felt like I could think with a little clearer head. _I think sexual frustration has to be one of my worst forms of torture_ I thought as I flushed my small load down the toilet. 

I exited the bathroom and was relieved to see her bedroom door open a crack, showing Charlotte laying down reading. I knocked on her door to catch her attention. She put down her book and sat up, gesturing me to sit next to her on the bed. I wasn’t sure exactly what to say to her. Luckily she took the lead. 

“So uh you finished! Er um, no I mean….let’s clear the air about what has happened...between us...in like the past hour.” She sounded as awkward as I had felt about the whole situation and the air was now tense. I didn’t know where this conversation was headed and I did something that I had never really done before. 

“I want to be friends.” I blurted something out without thinking. Her expression was shocked with some confusion and maybe a little hurt thrown in there. She glanced at the ground and fiddled with the sheets. 

“Oh, uh...ok then! Well this is...good. Yes this is good.” She was fumbling over herself and I knew I should open up to her more. I wasn’t against what I blurted out in all honesty and it was probably good that we establish something between us. 

“I just know that you wanted to be friends the first time and now that I care for you deeply, I have opened myself up to the idea of being your friend.” My words sounding robotic again which was frustrating at this moment. Doubt began to fill my head the longer my words lingered in the air between us. _Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe establishing something between isn’t good. I don’t understand what is happening to me._ Strange feelings were emerging and my head was nothing more than canvas of confusion. 

**Charlotte’s POV**

“You care for me….deeply?” My heart fluttered at the thought of him truly caring for me so much. I knew he wanted me to be well and to take care of me, but I just didn’t expect him to say those words. 

“Yes.” He said without hesitation and my stomach flip flopped. Our eyes locked for a moment and I felt like I was going to pass out. _Remember he only wants to be friends._ I snapped myself back into the reality of what he wanted, trying not to misconstrue the meaning behind the words. 

“Well I uh care for you too. So I’m glad we had this little chat. Do you want to get a drink?” I said standing up. I heard him let out a sigh and the corner of his mouth raised a little. 

“With pleasure.” 

***** 

We made our way down to Gob’s Saloon and the tension still lingered between us. But I’m sure with a few drinks in our systems, that tension would disintegrate. We each took a seat on at the bar and both of us ordered drinks right away. He ordered a straight whiskey and while I ordered a scotch and nuka cola. 

The bitterness of the scotch was immediately soothed by the sweetness of the nuka cola. I hadn’t had a drink like this in a long time. The liquid in the glass slowly calming my nerves and revealing the built up tension. With each drink, I felt a little more relaxed. I noticed that Charon felt a little more at ease while he pounded down his drink much quicker than I did. _He probably has a stronger tolerance for alcohol considering he’s built like a tank._ I, on the other hand, was a light weight. Two and a half spiked nuka colas later and I was tipsy. Charon had already consumed about four whiskeys in the same amount of time, but he seemed no different really. Maybe he had a slight buzz if that. 

“Hey Chaaaron, you’re like...really good at drinking.” My words weren’t exactly slurred, but I certainly didn’t sound articulate. Charon stood up from the barstool and offered me his hand. My heart sped up and I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or my feelings, but either way I gingerly took it. _He’s not trying to make a move. He’s not trying to hold your hand. He’s helping you off the stool. He’s just being ya know a gentleman._ The feeling of his rough hand against my smooth one was almost electric. _Yup I am tipsy. Everything feels magnified for me. Don’t get too far ahead of yourself._

He guided us back to my house and for the whole walk back, it almost felt like we were an item. Although, thinking back I don’t think we looked as cute and together as I thought. It probably was more like him dragging me back to the house instead of us lovingly intertwining our hands, but still I could just pretend. The second he shut the door, I let tipsy me really take full control. I threw myself at him, literally, and he caught me instantly. I dramatically put my hand to my forehead and stared up at him as he looked down on me, wide eyed and puzzled. 

“Sigh, oh Chare Bear, I am so awfully lonely.” I said much louder than I realized. He swung me around and tenderly dropped me onto the couch. 

“Mistress, you’re drunk.” He said while grabbing a bottle of water. I pouted and sat up, crossing my arms. 

“I am _not_ drunk. Just a little uhhhh tipsy.” I said in a little quieter tone. He tossed a water, which I didn’t catch, and let out a soft chuckle. 

“Drink the water now, it’ll save you some trouble tomorrow.” He said before walking away toward the bathroom. _Don’t let him leave!_ I listened to my tipsy brain and blocked the doorway from him. He cocked a brow bone at me. 

“You don’t need to go to the bathroom to do that.” _Perfect, seduce him. That’ll most certainly work._ He looked down at me with suspicion. 

“To urinate?” He asked. Red filled my cheeks and I realized that he does in fact go pee sometimes. _That’s ok, try again. Seduce him._

“Uh no. Not for peeing. For masturbating.” I said in a not smooth but cheery tone. He pushed me aside and proceeded to go into the bathroom. I stood in the spot, listening at the door, hearing Charon peeing. _This is not weird. This is completely normal. I’m hearing him pee._ After the toilet flushed, I was suddenly hit in the face with the door opening. 

“Mistress, I think you should go to bed. You may not be drunk, but you’re not on this planet.” He said scowling at me slightly. I pouted again while rubbing my head. 

“Only if you come to bed with me Chare Bear.” He was right, my brain was long gone. There was no way sober me would ask that. I looked at his frozen, stunned expression before just grabbing his hand and pulling him to my bedroom with me. 

I laid on my bed, curling up on my side, before patting the space next to me for Charon to come lay down. He seemed very hesitant and almost afraid of being near me, but he complied regardless. He laid on my bed, like a stiff board, while I nuzzled up to his side. He was warm, which I wasn’t expecting since he seemed frozen. His breathing was a little shallow, while my own was deep and even. He was comfortable and I knew that, but I was tipsy and didn’t care. I was comfortable, actually I was more than comfortable. I wanted to lay with him like this all the time if I could. At some point, I started to drift off into a drunken slumber and I knew that when I woke up, I’d have a lot of explaining to do.


	15. An Explanation...Sorta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So towards the end up the chapter, Charlotte's inner thoughts won't italicize and it's really bothering me and I'm not sure how to fix it. It happened before in an early chapter, so I'm not sure how to go about it, but hopefully that won't make it too confusing!

**Charon’s POV**

The sensation of her body curled up against mine was almost unbearable. I stiffened up as much as I could, laying in a very uncomfortable position, yet she was like a kitten at my side. Her face nuzzled into my ribs for affection and it was going to kill me. _She was tipsy, she doesn’t want this. She doesn’t even realize what she’s doing._ Somehow I didn’t fully believe that the alcohol was all the reasoning behind her actions, but it was enough for me to not take this as a sign of mutual feelings. 

Even more unfortunate for me, she passed out fairly early in the night and was dead asleep until around 8ish in the morning. For about 11 hours, I stayed as still as stone and wide awake as ever. It was pure agony. Some points during the night I was able to kind of disconnect with the world and forget she was even snuggled up to me. But then she would shuffle around a little and my attention would snap right back to the delicate, little creature that was surely driving me mad. _She’s going to drive me insane and I’m going to snap in a whole different way._

When she did awake from her slumber, she was still out of it. She was groggy and her body was honestly still asleep. She pushed herself up using my leg and kind of looked around for a minute, before fully dragging herself off the bed and heading to the bathroom. I let out a deep awaited breathe and removed myself from her bed, adjusting the blankets and pillows afterwards. I heard the toilet flush and I quickly stood on the other side of the room. _Should I leave? Should I just sit? How do I act casual? Fuck why is everything so confusing?_ By the time I came to the conclusion of just standing there, arms folded, leaning against the wall, she returned back into the room. 

I watched her as she let out a lazy yawn and her half lidded eyes were prodding her dresser of garments. She stretched her arms above her head, letting out another smaller yawn, and grabbed several items of clothing. She flung the clothes onto the bed and her dainty hands were now grabbing at the hem of her shirt about to- 

“Mistress.” I spurted out, alerting her that I was in the room. She jumped and her hands flung down to her sides. _Well she’s awake now._

“Charon! Oh gosh, hi. I uh forgot you were in here.” She said with a small chuckle. I noticed a tint of red flush her cheeks and it pulled at my heart strings. _Stop. Thinking. About. How. Cute she is._

“I should’ve waited for you in the living room once you got up. My apologies.” I unfolded my arms and was about to leave the room when she shut the door. I looked down at her while she bit her lip, looking rather embarrassed. _Oh no, she wants to talk about last night._

“Uh wait a second. Soooo about last night,” _Called it._ “I uh...I’m sorry. I know I got a little...fresh. Actually I was getting a little fresh before I even had anything to drink…”Her voice trailed off as we both recalled the incident from the day before. She rubbed the back of her neck and continued to bite her lip. 

“It’s fine. I understand you are missing...uh...Hancock.” I stuttered on the last few words, knowing that I didn’t want to say them but I was worried it was true. She could’ve just been missing Hancock. I know she likes him, at least that what she said. I’m sure he took good care of her in many ways that I haven’t provided. He was charming and suave and I’m sure he knew how to make her swoon. I hated to admit it, but I was a little hurt if that was actually the case, which I’m hoping isn’t. 

“What?” Her eyes were narrowed with puzzlement and seemed genuine that she didn’t know what I was implying. _Maybe nothing happened between them after all._ I cleared my throat. 

“Uh, you know. After all you said you liked him and I’m sure he showed you a good time.” My phrasing was choppy and I was sounding more and more like a fool with each word. She put up her hand to stop me before I could embarrass myself any further. 

“Ok, let me explain some things. While you were….gone, Hancock and I did….were sort of a thing. But I just didn’t have those same feelings like I thought I did. Yes we...had sex. And ya he wasn’t the only one I did that with. To be honest there’s kind of a long list. But that besides the point. I just said I liked him to…..mess with you. Like a joke. I’m not sure why I thought it was uh funny but ya. So that’s that.” Her words seemed true but I didn’t like hearing that it wasn’t just Hancock who stole a night with her. _If I could find everyone on that list, I’d have some pretty bloody knuckles after…_

“I understand.” My tone was bitter and I knew that she could hear it. But at this moment it was the best she was going to get. She gave me a pity smile and twiddled with her fingers. 

“Now about last night….I think I just. How do I put this…? I think because I...racked up such a long list, I was use to ya know. Being satisfied all the time. Now things are back to normal and I just haven’t...you get what I’m saying right?” _Not in the least. Are you wanting to have sex with me? Do you want to just buy a hooker and get it out of your system? Do you need time alone for this? I have no clue what you’re saying to me right now._

“Yes.” She perked up at my answer and gave my arm a friendly smack. 

“Alright, good talk. I’m gonna change and uh I’ll join you in the living room to nurse this hangover.” I exited the room without another word and plucked myself onto the couch. My head was spinning and my pants had grown a little tighter. _This is girl might as well be speaking gibberish to me. I have no idea what she wants or how she feels. Is she interested in me? Was she admitting that she was flirting with me? And even so, is it purely sexual needs? Would she even have sex with me? Why did she have to go and buy my contract and make everything so complicated. I haven’t had these...feelings or thoughts or this damn confusion in centuries. Why is this happening to me now?_

**Charlotte’s POV**

With Charon now out of my room I let out a heaping breath of air. _Thank god that’s over with. Ugh my head is starting to kill me._ I stripped off my clothes that reeked of alcohol from the bar and put on a fresh tank top and leather pants. I tied my hair off to the side with a braid and made sure I looked a little decent. 

I left my room and made my way to the living room, walking past an uncomfortable looking Charon, while grabbing two waters from my cooler. I took a seat next to him on the couch and he straightened up a little, his hands placed discreetly over his crotch again. _Annnd this isn’t over._ A heat built up in my stomach as I tore my eyes away from his hands. _We both need to get laid, one way or another._ I handed Charon the water, which he quickly grabbed and chugged down. I took my time open the bottle and placing the opening to my lips, noticing him steal a quick lustful glance at my mouth. _Stop. You’re only torturing him. _I took the bottle away from my mouth and placed it on the floor by my feet.__

 _ _“So I think we need to go somewhere later today, after my brain stops expanding in my head.” I wasn’t sure if what I was about to say was a good idea or not, but we both needed this and I don’t think we were about to get it from one another. It would just be too wrong or weird. _Besides he’s not even interested in me like that. He just needs some action.___

 _ _ _ _“And where would that be?” He asked. I leaned back a little more into the couch, trying to seem as casual and relaxed as I could.____

 _ _ _ _

“The Underworld. Let’s go buy a couple of prostitutes.” He choked on his spit at my offer and I couldn’t tell if he was repulsed or just shocked. Either way, I kept my composure about the whole thing. 

“Mistress, you aren’t serious are you?” He asked nervously. I swallowed a dry lump in my throat. The arousal that had blossomed in my stomach was now being taken over by a pit of jealousy. _Ignore it. He’s not your boyfriend or anything. He’s your employee. He doesn’t like you like that._

“As serious as a heart attack. So you better rest up for tonight big guy. I’m gonna take my water and just lie down for a little while. I wouldn’t want to get sick while I’m trying to have fun.” I took my water and scampered away back to my room. The jealousy hadn’t disappeared like I had hoped it would. I lied down on my bed, drinking more of the water at an attempt to soothe my headache. I shut my eyes, thinking I could take a nap even though I just woke up 10 minutes ago. I didn’t just want to sleep to cure my hangover, I wanted to sleep so I wouldn’t have time to think and take back my offer. _He needs this, he so clearly needs this. And if I just had sex with him….it would be weird. No I couldn’t. I mean I’d just set myself up for heartache anyways. He would just view me as his boss and then his fuck buddy on the side. It would be so wrong….._

_But then again what if it wasn’t all that bad? I mean I suppose I could live with just being a piece of ass for him right? God that sounds trashy...This is bad. I made a good decision. We’ll get out our sexual frustrations and then we can move on. Things will go back to normal. 100%..._

_I bet he’s really good in bed. He’s so big and strong, but not sloppy. He makes all his moves very calculated and detailed. He would probably pay attention to every inch of me. Seeing what makes me shiver with anticipation. No no no. He is not my little toy. I need to stop thinking about him in that way._

_But I can’t help that I like him! Ugggggh I’ve admitted it. I like him. I really like him. Feelings of the liking kind are there for him. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Why. Why couldn’t I have had feelings for Hancock instead? Things would’ve been so much easier._

After laying there for who knows how long, contemplating on what to do about Charon, a knock was at my bedroom door. I was startled by the sudden noise, and it pounded my head even mores so, but I slowly got back up to answer it. Charon stood there, his problem no longer prominent, looking frustrated and concerned all at once. I looked back at him innocently confused. 

“Mistress, I do not think we should go buy some prostitutes.” I was caught off guard by his statement. _Did he not want to bang hookers or did he want to bang me? Or both? Or neither?_

“Oh uh, why not?” I asked pretending to be a little disappointed by the rejection of my offer. 

“It is a waste of caps,” _Oh. Neither._ “You don’t have a lot of caps to begin with and throwing it away from a cheap good time isn’t a wise decision. Also we just traveled for 8 days, I think you just need to lie down and rest for a couple more.” It wasn’t the answer I was hoping for but it was answer that would have to do. I nodded showing my agreement. 

“Alright, fair enough. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go nap some more.” I quickly shut the door in his face, wanting to the end the conversation before I could ask any stupid questions. I went back to my bed and shut my eyes again. _Well, at least my jealousy is somewhat gone._

__

__


	16. Her Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like the beginning is a little bit of a mess, but I wanted some light awkward tension before shit got deep.

**Charon’s POV**

She slammed the door shut in my face and I retreated back to the couch. She seemed almost giddy when I rejected her offer to go buy some prostitutes. _This girl is the definition of confusion._ I sat on the ratty couch trying to avoid getting too deep in thought about the girl in the other room. I pulled out a bottle of whiskey from the cooler and began chugging it down, letting the alcohol flow into my brain. But this one bottle of whiskey barely even gave me a buzz, it was going to take a lot more alcohol than this to cloud my head enough to distract. 

I wanted to walk to the bar for a drink or several, but I realized that would be a bad idea. Everyone would give me even worse looks than when I strolled around with Charlotte. What if she got up and found me gone? I wouldn’t want her to worry….not that she would. And lastly, day drinking is a sign that you have problems you’re trying to ignore, which is very unprofessional. I stayed fixated to the couch, thinking about anything that wasn’t…. _her_. 

_Think about the Underworld. Think about prostitutes. Think about just having sex with any girl down there. Just renting a room and going at it. No feelings. No care about her wellbeing. Just dirty, animalistic sex. Prostitutes don’t care that I’m a ghoul. My caps are as worthy as any smoothskins. They won’t complain, hell if I ask, they won’t even talk. I could get it out of my system. Maybe she was right. Maybe we should just go…._

_But she deserves more than just some prostitute. I don’t even know of any male ones down there. Would that even matter to her? Sex is sex. But she’s not the type of girl you just have sex with. Oh god what am I doing? She’s my employer. She’s my….friend. That’s it. I need to viewing her as….potential._

I absent mindedly threw the glass bottle against the ground, causing a loud shattering noise. I startled myself with the crash and heard a yelp from Charlotte’s room. I frantically tried to grab all the pieces, but her door swung open too soon. A panicked Charlotte stood in the doorway, her hair slightly messy, and her cheeks were tinted red. I finished the collecting the glass as she took a second to breathe. 

“Charon! Is everything ok? What the heck happened?” She said tugging on the hem of her tank top, fidgeting of course. I nodded and threw the glass into the trashcan by the cooler. 

“I apologize Mistress. I accidentally dropped a bottle.” I said looking at her forehead, avoiding her lovely, green eyes. I could feel her eyes flutter down my body and to the trashcan where the bottle remains lied. 

“Oh, well alright. I um I’ll be out in a few minutes.” She said bending over to pick up one lone piece of glass. My eyes wandered down at the right moment, catching a glimpse of her cleavage. Suddenly, there was a pressure in my pants and I swallowed a huge lump. I felt like she was bent over forever, my eyes glued to her breasts. _Why am I looking at her like this? Cleavage never aroused me before. Oh my god I need to take care of this._

“Mistress! I think I should go to the Underworld alone.” I spouted without thinking. She snapped up quickly and looked a little hurt at my outburst. I felt immediate regret and embarrassment once I saw her eyes flicker to mine. Something inside them showed that she didn’t want to go spend the night with some floozy. The lump grew harder to swallow in my throat. I watched her mouth agape, looking for something to say. 

“I...uh...why are you allowed to spend caps on a cheap good time but I can’t?” She stumbled with the first few words, but the rest of her question cut into me like a knife. My heart started to race and her face flew more and more with each passing second. _Fuck, what kind of grave did I just dig myself?_

**Charlotte’s POV**

_So he wanted to go fuck some hooker alone without the guilt of his boss being there. I get it now. I get everything now. I’m just his boss. His friend. And that’s literally all I will be to him. Nothing more._

I stood there, staring at him while my eyes burned with tears that wanted to be free. He stood there, stoic for the most part, and maybe a little mortified for the other. I felt like we just stood there in this uncomfortable silence for minutes even though it was mere seconds in between each exchange. 

“You can use your caps for better weapons or armor. I have everything I need. Worse case, I can always trade something.” His words were dead and cold, just like his feelings were toward me. I absorbed the blow the best I could, trying not to get too upset about the situation, which was already too late. _I’m his boss and his friend. That’s it. Why shouldn’t I let him go? I need to rest. He can take care of himself. He’s a big boy. Just be a good person and let him go. He’ll come back….I think. He has to. Right?_ I shifted my weight from each leg, slightly bouncing in place. I needed to move, to fidget, to avoid being consumed by my mind. To fight back the tears that desperately were pleading to come out. 

“Okay.” My voice practically squeaked out the word. His eyes grew wide with shock at my words. I bite my lip and blinked back the tears, getting more control over myself. He took a step toward me and I crossed my arms as some sort of barrier against him. 

“Mistress? Are you sure?” His words didn’t match his stoic expression and it made it that much harder to let him go. I nodded and let out a deep, shaky sigh. 

“Yes. I suggest you leave now. I’ll be here. Resting. Have fun.” I scrambled off to my room before anything else could be said. I flopped onto my bed face first, feeling defeated and sad. _Don’t think about it. Just sleep. Just sleep forever. That’ll solve all your problems._ Before I could really begin my self loathing, Charon subtly walked into the room. 

“Mistress I think we need to have a serious talk.” I let out a groan, forcing my face deeper into the crappy mattress. 

“Charon, just go please. You’re making this harder for me.” Instead of doing what I asked, I felt the mattress dip in as he sat down by me. I didn’t move. 

“Mistress. We need to clear the air between us. Things have been very off lately and I think we need to be honest.” So many feelings were working there way up into my brain. Fear, love, guilt, confusion. My heart was turning to mush pretty fast and my brain was blackening out from overstimulation. I propped myself up onto my elbows and stared at the ground. _I know what he wants to talk about. But if he wants honesty, I should probably tell him about why I’m here to begin with…._ I took a deep breath and sat up fully, sitting criss cross applesauce by the brute ghoul. 

“Honesty...ok. Charon have you ever wondered why I’m….ya know here. Like what I’m doing here, with my time.” The words came out much more strangled than I had intended to. I looked up to see his face twisted with seriousness. I folded my hands in my lap and began playing with my fingers. 

“Like your purpose?” I nodded. 

“Ya, that’s a good way to put it.” I said quietly. He nodded in return. 

“Yes, I have.” 

“Well, I uh….how do I even start. I’ve been putting off something for a long, looong time now. Actually, I brought your contract to kind of get me back on track, but obviously that didn’t work,” I could see his head perk up with interest. I continued on. “I came from a vault. I was born and raised there most of my life. I barely came out of the vault 8 months before I had ran into you,” I couldn’t help but let out a small smirk recalling the first time I saw Charon. He was huge. He was scary and damn did I try to flirt, but was utterly rejected. He didn’t give a shit about me, kind of funny now. “But I left the vault for a reason Charon. My father had escaped the underground tomb to try to revive a project he had been working on for many years with my mother before I was born. Project Purity. They were working on getting fresh, clean water for the whole Capital Wasteland. Heh, it was amazing how smart he was. He was a doctor back in the vault, doing sciency stuff on the side. But like I said, one day he was just...gone. Ran away to do something so great for the rest of us,” I was beginning to choke on my words as the depression that lingered with the memory of my father took hold of me. Charon placed a warm hand on my knee, soothing my aching soul ever so slightly. “I couldn’t just stay in the vault ya know? I was so tired of living like some mole, hiding from the dangers of the world. I was beyond sheltered, not to mention bullied by people like Butch. I didn’t have many friends. So it was like my own excuse to runaway….,” I took another deep breath, pressing on with my story, spewing information at Charon like a fountain. “Once I was out here however, I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. I didn’t know anything about weapons or combat, fuck I barely knew how to cure the common cold. Everything was so….frightening. Those molerats though…..yuck those were the most disgusting, terrifying things ever. One time they crawled down and dug a hole into the vault and I was scared shitless. Still am, obviously ha. And while I somehow managed to survive out here before you, I realized something,” The next few words were what I’ve been needing to say to myself for awhile now, but haven’t been able to. But with Charon’s comforting hand on my knee and all his attention focused on the details of my life, I knew it was time. “My father is dead. One way or another. And I’ve known this subconsciously. Like I said, he was a doctor and a scientist. But he wasn’t built for combat either. Sure he could patch up any wound or tend to some radiation. But eventually he wouldn’t be able to patch it all up. I’ve never found him. And for all I know, maybe he is alive. But if that’s the case then….he isn’t the same dad who took care of me down in the vault. He would be hardened and well...changed. You should know that better than anyone,” I feel his hand twitch on my knee. “So I’ve been living in this limbo. Constantly distracting myself with meaningless things that fascinated me briefly when I first left the vault. All this prewar junk. I know you thought...probably still think, that I’m this naive, little girl. I know this. But that’s because I almost chose to be like this. To just act as if the world is not how it is. To go on living like I’m ignorant because I honestly wish I was.” I let out a huge sigh and fell onto my back on the bed. It felt like a whole weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I hadn’t told anyone about my story ever. Hancock knew bits and pieces, and Butch clearly knew the beginning. But I kept everyone else in the dark about all of it, including the person I so desperately wanted to let in. 

Charon looked frozen with fear of saying the wrong thing. His hand still firmly placed on my knee. 

“I….I’m so sorry. I….certainly judged you before I knew….anything about you.” His words were choppy and almost strained for emotion, but I knew they were genuine. I sat back up and placed my hand on top of his. 

“I know this wasn’t at all what you meant when you wanted to have an open conversation, but it just felt like the time to tell you everything. Let you know who I really am.” He flipped his hand over and grabbed a hold of mine, squeezing it tightly, as if I were keeping him grounded into reality. I looked up into his icy blue eyes and saw something that I had never seen before, tears.


	17. Confliction

**Charon’s POV**

I held her hand tightly, feeling like if I let her go, she would run away from me. Run back to her vault. Back to the security of the underground even though she seemed to despise it. Her story had gotten to me. Tears had formed in my eyes and I couldn’t control them. In fact I hadn’t even realized they were there until she looked at me. Her deep, green eyes just opened up her entire being and I almost couldn’t handle it. She was never dumb or selfish, she was hurting. She was attempting to live in a fantasy world the best she could and I judged her so harshly. Even now, I point out the silly things she does like some sort of flaw that I’ve grown to love. But it was never a flaw to begin with, it was a disguise. _How could I have ever thought of her like I did? I looked down on her, I viewed her as something beneath me. I feel so guilty._

“Are you alright Charon?” Her voice brought me back to the bed that I was sitting on next to her. I swallowed the sad lump in my throat and blinked away the tears. 

“ Yes. That was just a lot of information. But I’m very glad you told me. I want us to be close friends Charlotte.” I said, hating the taste of the phrase ‘close friends’ but accepting the fate that she would seal between us. She patted my hand before letting go, pulling my strings along with her hand. 

“Me too, but we still have to discuss everything that’s been going on between us...now…” _Oh. Right._ I had gotten so wrapped up in her life story that I forgot the whole reason I came down to sit and talk with her. She looked small again, embarrassed. This wasn’t going to be as smooth as I would like it be. 

“Yes, that conversation. Uh...where do we start?” The energy in the room had shifted from close and personal to strained. I could tell that neither of us wanted to put our sexual frustrations out on the table, but something needed to be done here. She grabbed a strand of her hair and began twisting it and untwisting it. I stared blankly at the wall before me. 

“Well...for starters, we both obviously have some sexual things we need to get out of our system.” Her tone was uneven and made me even more nervous about this topic. 

“How do we go about doing so?” I asked flatly. _God, I want this conversation to end. This is horribly uncomfortable._

“Well...you could go to the Underworld. And uh...I could have someone write Hancock. It’d be nice to see him anyways….” Her voice spoke quieter when she brought up Hancock. Envy shot into my veins and I wanted to break something at the mention of her having sex with Hancock. _Of course she wants to fuck the charming ghoul, while I get stuck with some cheap escort._ Jealousy burned inside my stomach and was radiating throughout the rest of my innards. 

“When would you like me to leave to the Underworld?” I asked tasting the bitterness of my jealousy. The harshness of my tone took her off guard and I could feel her expression change to hurt. 

“Oh um...after I receive a letter back from Hancock I suppose.” Her voice was still quiet and it caused the fire in me to burn even more aggressively. _If she wants Hancock then why is she being so timid? I get it, that’s the ghoul she wants. She can come up with any sort of excuse for what they are or were, but she wants him. She wants that ghoul, not me._

“As you wish.” We sat there in a tense silence for several minutes. I could hear her shifting about, fidgeting, picking the skin off her fingers, ripping apart the split ends in her hair, and I wanted to break. I wanted to snap and crumble. But of course I would never do so, not again. I care about her too much, yet I can’t help but feel slightly betrayed. _Yes we discussed the whole Hancock situation. But here she is, wanting him to return. Wanting him to satisfy her. Granted maybe she’s doing this to avoid any awkward confrontation later between us. But then again it’s already too late. She wants him. Not me. Never me._

“I feel like we keep going one step forward and two steps back.” She piped up. I let out a humorless snort, seeing the truth in that statement. 

“I agree.” My flat tone matching my dead expression that was masking the flames behind my eyes. She scooted up next to me, so her muscular legs were dangling off the bed, barely touching mine. I wanted to shove her farther away from me, so she wasn’t touching me anymore. But I remained still as stone. 

“Charon….I don’t want us to be distant from each other.” She said in a soft voice that soothed the burning in me. I had the urge to caress her face in that moment with her being so close to me, physically and emotionally. I stood up immediately, closing myself off from her. Doing the exact opposite of what she just said. She looked up at me with sad puppy eyes that iced the fire that lingered from the jealousy. 

“Mistress, I think you should rest some more. You’ve opened up a lot and I think that will take a toll on you if you do not lie down.” I said before storming out of the room. It was such a bullshit reason, but I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. My brain and my heart were in a conflicting battle. On one hand, I wanted to be upset and bitter. To ignore any rational thinking and just beat the living crap out of the ghoul that won her over. But on the other hand, I wanted to think about her feelings and needs. I cared for this girl more than anything and I wanted her to be happy, even if that involved someone else. And then another small part of me wanted to ignore both of those things and think like how I had been the past 200 years. She is my boss, this is my job. Just focus on the task at hand and just become jaded again. _I should just head the bar and get plastered. Take my mind off of everything._

I stood in the living room, pacing about everything. Fretting over the girl that was mere feet away from me on the other side of the door. I wondered if she would come out or if I should go back in or just head to the bar. _Second time today that I’ve considered day drinking._

**Charlotte’s POV**

_He’s hiding something from me. He doesn’t want to tell me something for whatever reason. Which is exactly what I don’t want. I don’t want him to close himself off from me forever._

I sat on my bed, confused and annoyed. He up and rushed out of the room, leaving me alone with all the worry in the world. I laid on my back, staring up at the ceiling. My face scrunched up in a sign of irritation. I let out a heavy sigh and ran my fingers through my hair, ripping apart any knots that blocked my path. Tears began to rim my eyes and at this point I had no idea why I would cry. I’m not necessarily sad and I’m not utterly upset either. I just put myself out there to him and then I moved on, putting a rest to the past. Yet when I move on to the present, he shuts down. I bring up Hancock and I know he completely ignored our previous conversation regarding him. 

_Ok maybe bringing up Hancock to fulfill my sexual needs was a bad idea. But...he’s totally willing to fuck some hookers! So why should I have to feel bad about having sex with Hancock? I mean he could be jealous….but of what? That Hancock gets to touch me? Charon could touch me all he wants! God I don’t understand him sometimes._

I shut my eyes, hoping the world would just somehow disappear when I opened them again. I laid there for several minutes, just allowing the dark void to fill my brain and give me a moment of breathing room. But when I did open my eyes, I saw the same ceiling above me. Nothing had changed in those few minutes and somehow I was still disappointed. 

I decided to get off my bed and write the letter to Hancock. _Charon’s probably at the bar anyways, thinking about his time in the Underworld. I might as well get excited to see Hancock too._ I looked in my trunk for my pad of paper and a pen. I pulled both out and sat back down on my bed, hunched over the paper, planning on how to phrase this all. I bit my lip and thought where to begin. Do I talk about how I miss him? Do I just blatantly say ‘hey let’s hook again for old times sake’? _I’ll just wing it._

> Dear Hancock,
> 
> I know it’s been awhile since we’ve last seen each other. It feels like forever sometimes. I really miss you. I don’t know exactly what to say in this letter but I want to see you again. Things between Charon and I are kind of odd. I’ve opened up to him more than anyone and yet there’s this weird tension lingering between us. I don’t know how to put this eloquently but we both need sex...badly. Obviously I’m not going to just ask him for that sort of favor, I know he’s not even interested in me like that. So I was wondering, while we reconnect and what not, that you could do me that favor? I suppose I didn’t need to really write it in this letter, but I figured you should know ahead of time what sort of mood I’ll be in. I miss you a lot, I really do. But I also miss our nights together. Please get back to me soon. 
> 
> -With love, Charlotte 

When I had finished the letter I felt a small tingling of guilt fluttering about in my stomach. Maybe I came on too strong feelings wise or maybe it didn’t have enough emotion in it. Either way I wasn’t going to write a new one and this would have to do. _I hope he writes back to me. I really hope he agrees to come see me._

I scrambled around my room looking for an envelope or something to put the letter in, keep it away from prying eyes. I found a slightly ripped envelope that was shoved inside a burnt textbook. I addressed the letter to Goodneighbor and gave it a small kiss for good luck. _Please god let this letter get to him._

I took the envelope with the letter and exited my room to find Charon pacing in the living room. My breath hitched inside my chest and we both looked awkwardly around each other. I clutched the letter with both hands at a pathetic attempt to hide it from him. His harsh eyes quickly darted to my moving hands and immediately noticed what it was. 

“For Hancock?” He asked in a gruff tone. I shyly shook my head, my thumb stroking the envelope. 

“Yes. I know there’s a caravan staying here for a few nights and I’m hoping they’ll deliver this to him once they leave.” I said in a tone that matched my timid demeanor. Charon just nodded, his eyes boring a hole in my chest. 

“Well hopefully they deliver it soon. I want to tend to my duties in the Underworld fairly soon. Get all my uh..business straightened out.” His words were cold but his voice strangled to hide emotion. It confused me even more. I couldn’t bare to look at him anymore, walking past him to the front door. 

“Ya, me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm thinking about doing a mini series, after I finish this one, about Charlotte and Hancock's time together since the story picks up after they already have an established relationship. So if anyone wants to read that, let me know! :D


	18. Early Arrival

**Charlotte’s POV**

Time was passing at an agonizing pace for the past week and a half. The caravan agreed to give my letter to Hancock since they were passing Goodneighbor anyways. I couldn’t help but get a tad excited knowing that soon he would read my letter and hopefully agree to it. But along with my excitement, blossomed this feeling of dread. Maybe this was the wrong move to make, especially now with how things are between Charon and I. Maybe Hancock would take offense considering his feelings for me that I didn’t return. So many thoughts of doubt and worry were beginning to take up the little space that was left in my mind. 

What took up the rest of my brain power, was thinking about Charon. We barely spoke or even acknowledged each other the whole week and half. He went out shooting quite a bit just outside the town, bringing back any knick knacks he think I would like. It was very sweet and considerate, but then he just wouldn’t talk to me. I attempted small talk with him every chance I got. Asking how he felt about staying in town for so long, or where he thinks we should travel next, or just even what he wanted to do that day. I always got the same responses from him. ‘Town is fine. We shouldn’t travel for awhile. Let’s go drink.’ So that’s what we did. Drank. 

We’d lumber over to the bar just about everyday, I’d have a scotch and nuka cola, while he’d down several whiskeys. I only limited myself to one drink a day to avoid a hangover the next, only getting slightly buzzed during our outings. Charon on the other hand, seemed to drink more each day. By the end of the week and a half he was nearly drunk and bumbling like some bulky caveman. It was almost alarming to see him just chug down his feelings and thoughts. I knew he wasn’t just drinking for the fun of it, he was drinking to escape the world. 

But the week and a half had come and gone before I finally heard a knock on my door. Charon was out shooting and I was lazily dozing off on the couch. The knock startled me and I pulled myself together hoping it was someone with a letter for me. I quickly fixed up my hair by braiding it off to the side and straightened out my wrinkly blouse. I opened the door and my jaw dropped to the floor. 

“Hancock?” My voice almost sounded more like a plea than a question. Before me stood the handsome ghoul in the red coat and tricorn hat with that devilish grin on his face. 

“In the flesh doll.” He said in his sultry, gravelly voice. My breath was completely taken away and I couldn’t do anything except throw my arms around him. He embraced me and snaked his arms around my waist. 

Tears welled up in my eyes and I was so overcome with joy that I just let the tears fall onto the lapels of his coat. One of us hands traveled up and down my spine, soothing me. I pulled myself as tightly as I could to him before realizing that we were still in the doorway. I let go of his neck and gave him a smile, gesturing for him to come inside. 

We sat on the couch, our knees touching, and suddenly I was at a loss of words for a different reason. _Oh my god, Hancock is here. He is on my couch. This is real life. But what do I say? I miss him but should I offer him a drink? And actually, how did he get here so fast? If I had sent the letter a week and half ago, he would only now be getting it or in the process of writing back. All of a sudden I’m very confused. Maybe this isn’t real._

“Hancock? I...I mean..how did you get here so soon?” The words just spilled out of me and for once I was glad they did so. He let out a small chuckle and placed his arm behind me on the couch, spreading out. 

“Well, I was actually uh almost here. You see I had some small business to take care of with a couple residents of Tenpenny Tower and I ran into the caravan that had your letter. So I figured I’d save the trouble of writing back and just show up myself.” His voice calmed my nerves and he flashed his cheeky smile at me, melting my heart. I was attracted to Hancock before, much like anyone else with eyes, but I don’t remember falling so easily into the lure of his charm. _I really need sex._

“Wow. I just...can’t believe that you’re here. This week and a half has been painful slow and uncomfortable.” His hand rubbed my knee as I spoke and it was distracting to say the least, I hadn’t been touched by anyone in a while. 

“You seem better though love.” I smiled at his statement because I had been better. Much better. I was just struggling with different problems now. He smiled back at me, his hand squeezing my knee. 

“Ya I am. Charon helped me so much. Put up with my mood swings and outbursts. It was very hard at first, but we crossed that bridge. But now it’s like we’re so close and yet something is keeping us so far apart.” I wasn’t sure if my rambling about Charon would be off putting to Hancock, but he seemed attentive regardless. 

“Have you guys tried talkin it out? Trying to lessen this tension?” I forgot how in the dark he was about this situation. My letter was pretty vague explaining all of this and I honestly didn’t want to talk about it now. 

“Ya, several times. I completely told him my life story which momentarily brought us together. But me, being the idiot I am, changed the subject back to our uh…..current problems.” I bit my lip and saw Hancock’s gaze briefly look at it before meeting my eyes again. My heart beat was starting to quicken. 

“What problems ya havin sunshine?” I looked at the ground, my face getting hot from being flustered by the answer and by his look. 

“Well….how do I put this….Uh...I’ve been noticing a certain bulge in his pants and I attempted to seduce him. So basically we are at a very uncomfortable sexual inpass.” My cheeks were tato red and I couldn’t stop biting my lip. Hancock shook his head and let out a hearty laugh, furthering my embarrassment. 

“And to think, I assumed you were the only one who needed to get laid. Oh boy, this is quite uh the dilemma.” He said, still chuckling. I covered my hands in my face and flew backwards onto the armrest of the couch. 

“Just help me ok. I really like Charon but I know he doesn’t like me that way.” My voice cracked and he pulled me upright. I uncovered my eyes and was hypnotized by his dark eyes. 

“You know I’d do anything for you doll. But I can already tell that you haven’t been honest with him and _that_ I cannot do for you.” He leaned back, observing my expression. 

“I know….but I’ll deal with that later. When he comes back I’m sending him to the Underworld.” Hancock perked a brow bone at me. 

“For what?” I felt mortified once again. 

“.....so he can buy a prostitute…” I whispered while fidgeting with my fingers. Hancock moved his face so it was close to mine, his lips in a thin, curved smile. I rolled my eyes and pushed him away. “It wouldn’t be fair for me to have someone to ya know and him have nothing! My original idea was that we both go there and buy a couple hookers.” _Shut up Charlotte. Shut. Up._ Hancock let out a roar of a laugh again, loving my frustration. 

“Oh sunshine, you try. You try so hard. And I love ya for that.” He said while giving me a kiss on the cheek. His warm lips set a chill up my spine and I was suddenly aware of how long it had been since I had sex. 

**Charon’s POV**

Nothing wanted to wander out in the wasteland today. No ghouls, no molerats, nothing. I strolled around outside the gates of Megaton for hours, looking for anything in sight to put a bullet into. But the wasteland was just quiet and deserted as if to mock me. It was almost aggravating. The sun was going to be setting soon and I knew I should get back to Charlotte. She was probably asleep on the couch or trying to read of one the many books that were utterly destroyed by the bombs. I know she explained why she is the way she is, but I’ll never understand why she tries to read something that is beyond legible. I headed back to Megaton, getting the same odd looks from everyone as usual. 

When i approached her house, I opened the door and was met with the intense feeling of envy and spite. Hancock was here, already, sitting on the couch with Charlotte. _Touching_ Charlotte. A devious smirk plastered on his smug face. Charlotte’s face was red with blush and a small smile laid upon her face. I wanted to beat the shit out of him. Both of them looked at me with hesitation while I stood there attempting to hide my dismay. My hands involuntarily balled into fists. 

“I’m heading to the Underworld first thing in the morning.” I said with a slight snarl. I saw Charlotte swallow as her throat bobbed, Hancock leaned back, relaxing on the couch. He too, seemed like he was mocking me. 

“Oh alright.” Charlotte said in a quiet tone, clearly intimidated by my stature. Hancock looked over at her with worry, only adding fuel to my fire. _Keep. Your. Composure._

“Uh hey doll let’s give Charon some space. We’ll you the living room big guy.” Hancock said grabbing Charlotte’s hand, tugging her to the bedroom. It felt like a punch to the gut when the door shut closed. I angrily walked to the couch and forcefully sat down. My hands were still balled tightly into fists and I don’t think I could undo them. I could hear Hancock and Charlotte talking in the other room but I couldn’t make out any of the words they were saying. It felt similar to when I was in and out of consciousness. _He’s here. Why is he here. Mail doesn’t travel that fast and he certainly wouldn’t have traveled here alone that fast. I don’t even care. I shouldn’t care. But I’m so furious. I shouldn’t be, I really shouldn’t. If that’s what Charlotte wants then that’s what she wants. But I can’t help feeling like I should walk in there and rip apart his scrawny, little body._

I managed to unball my fist and I threw my head into my hands. I felt betrayed and defeated but I really had no reason to. She wasn’t anything more to me than a friend and employer, but why do I feel like there’s more. I’m realizing that I don’t just care for this girl, but I’m truly developing some feelings for her. _Eventually I will have to confront her about this, maybe after I pop off Hancock’s head. But for now she is not mine. She doesn’t look at me the same way I look at her and she probably never will. I can’t sit here and have a self righteous pity party over a girl that is free to be with whoever she wants. Tomorrow I’ll go to the Underworld, be alone for a while, find companionship in another for a night or two, and just pretend that my life here doesn’t exist._

I sat there convincing myself that tomorrow would be better. That going to the Underworld and drinking and spending the night having sex with whoever came my way, would temporarily solve my problems. But I knew that was a stretch and I would ultimately miss Charlotte. Still I was going to try and make the best of it while I could. 

It was getting late and I could hear the faint giggle of Charlotte and Hancock shushing her. I wanted to explode. I wanted to run. I wanted to leave and pretend none of it was happening. I shut my eyes and tried to think of all the wondrous possibilities that tomorrow could bring. Maybe the prostitute I buy will end up being a decent human or ghoul to be with. _I need to stop thinking about this. I need to stop acknowledging my feelings. I need to go back to being jaded. I need to resort back to how I used to be._


	19. A Night Away Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aka Smut Part 1

**Charon’s POV**

After a very long night, listening to the whispering and giggling coming from Charlotte’s room, the morning light poked in through the cracks in the walls. I wasted no time gathering my things, preparing for my trip to the Underworld. I grabbed my shotgun, my pack, and a few extra bottles of water and stimpaks. I was set and ready to go, but I hesitated on whether or not I should say something to Charlotte. I listened at her door, hearing nothing but the faint noise of her snoring. _At least she’s getting a good sleep._ I cautiously peeked open the door, finding Hancock laying by her side, with his shirt still on, running his hand down her neck. He looked up at me and gave me a nod with a smile. 

“I’ll let her know you left big guy.” He whispered. It infuriated me. I simply nodded in return and shut the door. _Ya I’m sure you will._

***** 

My journey to the Underworld was fairly uneventful. I crossed paths with many raiders and molerats, several packs of ghouls, and only a couple super mutants. Nothing that I couldn’t handle on my own. Although once I entered the Underworld, I felt this odd feeling that I couldn’t take this on alone. Every ghoul eyed me, some with fear, others with anger, it wasn’t something I missed. I knew that some of these ghouls wanted to slice my head off and spit on my corpse for I had done under Ahzrukhal’s command. I didn’t blame them either, still it stung nonetheless. 

I made my way toward the Ninth Circle, looking for a drink, a room, and a girl. I took a seat the bar next to a particularly curvy ghoulette. It was strange being here, ordering a drink from a new bartender. It was as if I was in some sort of messed up flashback, Ahzrukhal should’ve been behind the bar, not this stranger. I should’ve been standing off to the side, being the intimidating bouncer, not a patron. I almost felt at a loss being here, especially without an employer by my side. 

The ghoulette next to me began batting her eyes in my direction. I chugged down my whiskey, feeling horribly distressed. _I’m here for this sort of thing. Relax. Let go. I’m off duty right now. Relax. Relax. Relax._ The ghoulette scooted her stool over closer toward mine, the bartender keeping an eye on the whole exchange this is going on. My eyes stayed fixated to the glass in my hand that I was desperately trying not to break. I could feel her stare tracing the lines of the exposed muscle on my arms, Even before I was a ghoul, women lusted after me and I really had no interest in it. Of course there were a few lucky ladies that I stuck with for short amounts of time, but other than that I focused on myself. I never flirted much, I never knew how. Yet here I am, in a situation where I’ve been granted permission to do the sort of thing. _At least look at her._

I slightly turned my head in her direction, my eyes getting a good look at her. She had some hair black hair left on her head, I never seen too many ghouls that had that. She wore a very revealing, tight fitting dress, showing off her cleavage. My pants grew a little tighter and I knew that I had to make some sort of move. She rotated herself so she was sitting sideways on the stool facing me. Her legs opening wide, showing she had no underwear on, before crossing them. I swallowed a very dry lump in my throat, my problem becoming more noticeable. The bartender dropped a glass on the ground, grabbing my attention. He quickly reached down and cleaned it up, letting out a mortified chuckle. 

“Hehe, sorry there. Just uh little distracted there. You two might wanna take this little moment somewhere else.” He said, staring directly at the ghoulette’s cleavage. She let out a small giggle that would lure any man to their death. She stood up, gingerly grabbing my hand and pulling me in her direction. 

I followed her, allowing her to be the one grabbing my hand went limp. Her touch was warm but in a way that didn’t give me any sort of comfort. Every now and then she turned around and wink at me, making my nerves that much more unbearable. I felt very hot underneath all my armor and not in the aroused way. Not that I didn’t have that going on downstairs either. But with my nerves and anxiety I thought about just bailing. Just running out and taking care of my erection back in Charlotte’s bathroom. 

But before I knew it, I was standing in the middle of her room with the ghoulette shutting the door behind us. She sauntered up to me, placing her hands on my chest. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe. Her eyes undressing me and her body language showed that she was very much ready. 

“So handsome, how you wanna do this?” She asked, standing on her tiptoes to whisper it into my ear. A chill ran down my spine and I took slow, deep breathes. _Relax. Let go. Let this girl steal my attention for the night. Focus on nothing but her body._ My tense body began to slowly cave in to my sexual frustration. I placed my hands on her plump hips, grabbing at the fabric of her dress, lifting it up ever so slightly. She took that as a sign to place kisses on my neck. The second her ruined lips came into contact with my skin, my erection was at full mast. I felt her smile, knowing that she could feel it rubbing against her stomach. 

Her hand came down, gently running her fingers over my pressing length. My head was starting to spin and I could feel my sexual, animalistic instincts grabbing control of my brain. My hands gripped the dress more, exposing more her thighs, trailing up dangerously close to her heat. Her lips traveled up along my jawline, nibbling on my ear. My whole body was tingling and hot. My heart was racing and suddenly I wanted nothing more than to toss her onto the bed and just go at it. _Don’t get too carried away. Take your time. Relax. Enjoy tonight. Enjoy this attractive woman._ Coherent thoughts were harder to come by and my body was getting increasingly harder to control. 

“Go ahead handsome. Have your way with me.” She whispered before placing a heated kiss on my lips. I kissed her back, but it wasn’t what I wanted. Her ruined lips against mine didn’t feel bad, it actually felt good. But it wasn’t the lips I wanted to be kissing mine. _Don’t think about Charlotte. Think about the girl touching you._ I grabbed the back of her head, making the kiss deeper, our tongues now intertwined. She tasted like vodka and mentats. _Doesn’t Hancock use mentats? Isn’t that his drug of choice? Ugh that’s probably what she tastes when she kisses him._ I broke our kiss and pulled her onto the bed behind us. She laid on her back, her legs obscenely wide, holding my attention on her. I could see she was very slick and I wanted nothing more than to penetrate her with my length. 

“Take off the dress.” I said in a harsh tone while removing my armor. She slowly shimmied her dress over her body and lifting it above her head, dropping it to the floor. I tossed my armor next to her dress, keeping my shirt and pants still on. She looked me up and down, licking her lips, waiting for me to make the next move. _This is how Hancock must feel, standing over Charlotte, right before he enters her._ I let out a snarl and dove to the ground, shoving my face right between her legs. My tongue tracing her folds, licking up the wetness around it. She let out a moan and encouraged me to dive deeper into her radiating heat. Her hand gripped my head, forcing my face as far in as it would go. She tasted like iron and something else, it wasn’t pleasant but it was terrible. 

My erection was about to burst through my pants if I didn’t free it soon. Her moans were sending shock waves right to my mast and I couldn’t bury myself in her any more with my face. I pulled away, unzipping my pants, watching her eyes grow wide at my size. I knew I was big, but the look on her face showed that I was clearly bigger than most. She pushed herself off the bed and onto her knees. Her lips inches from my member. Her eyes fluttered up to meet mine and all I could see was lust. 

“I’ve seen many cocks in my day, but you by far, take the cake.” She said before licking the tip. Precum oozed out and I held back a grunt. She took the tip in her mouth, teasing me. Sucking and licking while more precum trickled out. I closed my eyes and let out a small moan. But the vision in my head was no longer the curvaceous ghoulette that I met a mere hour ago, but Charlotte. I imagined her full lips sucking on the head. Her soft tongue tracing the veins along my member. She took more of me in her mouth and I let another moan escape. I wanted to moan her name, but a part of me kept my common sense, knowing that Charlotte was not the one pleasuring me. She took me deeper and deeper, until most of me was in her mouth. I could feel her drool spilling out of her mouth as she bobbed her head up and down my erection. It felt so good that I thought I might finish any second. _Keep it together. Make this night count. This is just foreplay._ I took some deep breathes preventing my body from getting too ahead of itself. But her mouth and tongue just felt so amazing. She tried several times to take the whole thing only to result in her choking and gagging, pulling me out of her mouth for a moment of air. But I had had enough of this foreplay anyways. I pushed her head away from me and opened my eyes. 

“Back on the bed. On all fours.” She let out a devilish smirk and complied with my demand. She bent over, giving me a nice view of her round backside, slowly crawling onto the bed into place. I was up on her in half a second. My hands holding onto her large bottom while I angled myself into her entrance. She arched her back down and lifted her head back as I shoved myself inside of her. She was fairly tight, but I know Charlotte was probably much tighter. She was warm and wet, making it easy for me to fill her up. I let out a groan once I completely bottomed out. I closed my eyes again, focusing on the feeling of it all. The warmth, the euphoria, all my pent up frustration finally being resolved. The imagine in my mind had warped again and Charlotte was back to being the one in front of me. My hands gripping _her_ toned rear, her heat enveloping my length. 

I could feel all my frustration about to spill out of me at any second. My mind pictured Charlotte turning her head around, her face flushed from excitement and exhaustion. Her full lips whispering the words ‘finish in me Charon’ and I lost it. Everything spilling out of me and into her. I hunched over, breathing heavy, my hands still firmly planted in her ass. 

“Damn handsome, that was quite the ride you gave me.” The voice wasn’t Charlotte and I pulled out of the ghoulette, my soft member now in the cold of the air. I opened my eyes and found the ghoulette turning over to look at me with much kinder eyes. I tucked myself back into my pants and zipped them up. 

“Uh...how much do I owe you?” I timidly asked. I was back to being uncomfortable. _This was wrong. This was very wrong. I shouldn’t fantasize about my mistress while having sex with some other ghoul. God I need to shower._ The girl cocked a brow bone at me and let out a giggle. 

“For you? Nothin’.” She slid back into her dress before standing up and placing her hands on my chest. I let out a shaky breath. _Do I just leave? Do I stay? This was a terrible idea._ She moved her hands up to my neck, locking them there. Her eyes showed more than lust now and more than softness. They showed interest. “How about you stay the night with me?” 

“I uh I don’t even know your name.” Stupid statement but true nonetheless. She pulled her face close to mine, her lips mere centimeters away. 

“Natasha.” She whispered before gently pressing her lips to mine. No heat, no desire, just a measly kiss. But this time I couldn’t kiss back. She pulled back, looking a little hurt. 

“You ain’t available are you?” She asked. I let out a sigh, dropping my shoulders. 

“No, I apologize.” I quickly walked away. My heart felt like it had dropped to my stomach, my mind was clouded with her image all over it. _I’m not available. But neither is she._


	20. A Night Away Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile but new chapter! Sorry if it's short, I'm trying to get back into the swing of things.

**Charlotte's POV**

I woke to Hancock spooning me from behind, his ghoulish hand trailing up and down my arm. It was soothing and I let out a content sigh. 

“Mmm morning Hancock.” I said sleepily. My eyes half lidded, turned around to find him smirking at me. 

“Mornin’ sunshine,” He sounded more awake than I did. “Charon left about an hour ago. He came in here but you were dead asleep.” I pouted my lip in disappointment. I knew Charon would go early, but I was hoping I’d already be awake or someone would wake me up. 

“Why didn’t you wake me? Or why didn’t Charon?” I asked, still pouting my lip. He ran a boney finger across it. 

“Because it seems like you were gettin a good night's sleep. And you sure as hell needed one of those sunshine.” His tone was nonchalant and his finger slowly crept down my lip to my jaw. I gently swatted his hand from my face and sat up. Hancock propped himself up onto his elbow, raising a curious brow bone at me. “Why are you so eager to get out of bed doll? Charon’s probably pretty far by now.” His statement stung, I tried to ignore the fact that Charon was off looking for someone to satisfy his needs. 

“I know that,” I slid off the bed and pulled my tank top over my head. I could feel Hancock’s eyes target the side of my breast. “I’m getting up and getting dressed,” I said turning my head, giving him a smirk before continuing. “Because I have so much energy. I don’t want to waste all my time in bed. You were right I got a good night’s sleep.” Hancock frowned a little and didn’t seem like he was buying what I was selling. He sat up completely as I continued to get dressed. 

“So then what are we goin’ to do today?” His tone reminded me of when it was just us two back in Goodneighbor. When I’d wake up next to him in the statehouse, usually naked next to a pile of chems. When he gently look at me and ask what we were going to do that day. Hancock knew how fragile I was, especially then, and usually asked that question to gauge how I was feeling. To see what I was willing to force myself to do. It was sweet and it was comforting back then. Now...I didn’t really have an answer. _You do have energy and you do feel good. Think of something to distract you. Something that will take up most of the day._ Hancock sat on the bed looking at me, waiting for an answer. 

“Let’s uh..let’s go out on an adventure!” I half heartedly exclaimed. Hancock let out a small chuckle and took one of my hands in his. My heart began racing and I wasn’t sure why. 

“Doll, you and I both know why you wanted me here. I mean I’ll go on some little adventure with you if that’s what you really wanna do. But just remember, Charon’s gonna come back feeling relieved and if you aren’t...well then you gonna feel even more frustrated.” My heart continued to race and I knew what he was getting it. Still I was almost irritated that he brought up Charon getting laid at all. It wasn’t exactly necessary to say, I knew what was happening and what he was going to do. 

“Well he won’t be back for a couple days so we have some time. I just...I just wanna go out and have fun. Like we used to.” My voice grew shallow at the end of my sentence. Hancock gently tugged on my hands and I sat back down on the bed. He shook his head and looked down at the floor. My heart sank to the floorboards and I knew a serious conversation was about to happen. _God it just seems like I can’t have one day of fun._

“Like how we used to? Doll, as much as I loved you being with me all the time and we were...well we were somethin’, it wasn’t fun. You were miserable and a wreck. Sure it wasn’t bad the second or third or even fourth week. But then you were just so depressed and it broke my heart. I did what I could to fix you but it wasn’t until he was back that you were better. And now you’re in some sort of weird not relationship situation with him but I know you’d rather him be here than me.” Hancock withdrew his hand and rubbed head. My eyes teared up hearing the truth come from him. Everything he said was right. We had good times back when I was in Goodneighbor, but those were far and few between. I was haunted by the thought of Charon. Hancock wanted my attention then and he very much wants it now. I mean after all I am the one who asked him to come here, to have sex with me, to satisfy all my needs. “Sorry, I just...I’ve always had feelings for you, ya know that. And when you asked me to come I got excited and just thought you had some feelings for me back. You said you missed me a lot and missed our nights together and..I don’t know. Maybe this is a bad idea.” He started to stand up and I quickly grabbed his arm. My innards were twisting and pulling apart. _I’m pretty sure I have feelings for Hancock. I mean I miss him so much. I don’t want him to leave. I don’t know what’s happening in my brain._

“Hancock please don’t go. I’m just confused. Maybe this is a bad idea but I just don’t know what is happening. Charon is like this cold, unreadable robot and I can’t help but feel things for him. But you _are here_ and you like me and I have some feelings for you to. Just please kiss me and shut me up.” I pulled Hancock closer to me as I spoke feeling like he’d slip away if I didn’t. He eyed me for a moment seeming like he was contemplating whether to kiss me or not. He took one of his ghoulish hands behind my head and sealed the deal. His lips threw me into a time warp and my stomach was bubbling up with all the nerves I had when he knocked on the door. Charon didn’t slip my mind entirely but boy was he shoved way to the back. _Yup this confirms it. I do have some feelings for Hancock. Wow I forgot how much I liked kissing him. Yes I needed this very much so._ When he pulled away from the kiss we locked eyes for a minute. His coy smile radiating his face and my heart was suddenly forcing its way out of my chest and into Hancock’s. 

“You know sunshine, Charon isn’t the end all be all.” I know that, right? _It doesn’t seem like it sometimes._ I fluttered my eyes down to the floor before looking back at those dark eyes. 

“Right now, it’s just you and me.” Those words felt right and wrong. My body was all about Hancock but something was almost unsettling about it being just us here. _Ignore it. Charon is gone. He doesn’t even want you like that. You guys are just friends._ Hancock’s hands snaked their way down my body and were holding my butt. The mood in the room was growing hotter by the minute and I was getting excited. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let our lips just linger on one another’s. _This is what you’ve been needing. Charon’s gone. Hancock is here and ready for you. Hancock has feelings for you. Focus on him. Focus on now._ My mind was cycling through those same thoughts as our mouths reconnected more passionately. His tongue licking along my bottom lip and I let him right in. _Hancock is here._ One of his hands trailed back up my body and around to the front. _Focus._ I was almost trembling with hornyness while trying to stay as calm as possible. _Charon is gone._

“You ready doll?” Hancock asked. 

“Yes,” I whispered. 

***** 

We spent the next several days like that. Flirty, horny, and getting down to business. And god was it better than I remembered. It was almost like Hancock was going feral, but in a very _very_ good way. My hair by now was sweaty, tangly mess and my body was really sore. I heard Hancock was great in bed and I knew from past experience, but clearly I was getting the whole picture before. _I couldn’t have picked a better person to unleash my sexual frustrations on._

I laid in bed with a different burnt textbook, this one I probably wasn’t going to get much information out of but I tried anyways, with Hancock laying by my side smoking a cigarette. Any tension or stress was no longer here and it was really nice. _Maybe things should just stay this way._ Nothing was complicated with Hancock. He said what he felt and what was on his mind. He was upfront and direct, none of this ‘I am a robot and I cannot have feelings or compute emotion’ bullshit that Charon does. I had very real feelings for Hancock, but it’s like my heart won’t completely let go of Charon, no matter how many times I remind myself he doesn't’ like me. 

“Ya know Charon is gonna be back anytime now love.” Hancock said breaking the relaxed silence. I closed my book, threw it to the ground, and flopped onto my stomach. 

“I know,” I said with a sigh. I heard Hancock let out a puff of smoke. 

“Why the long face? Don’t you miss him?” _I don’t know. He hasn’t been out of my mind long enough to miss him it feels like._

“I guess but things are going to get...weird again.” I turned back over and stared at Hancock. He looked so cool with the cigarette just dangling in his mouth, I swooned a little. 

“It might not now that you’ve both had time to release some uh tension,” He said with a chuckle. I frowned. _Don’t think of what Charon did._

“Are you going to leave once he get’s back?” I asked sadly. Hancock sighed and removed the cigarette from his mouth, putting it out on the ash tray by the bed. 

“I have to doll. I’m still a mayor.” I pouted and he looked down at me. “But you can always come to Goodneighbor if things don’t work out here. Ya know I’ve got a place for ya sunshine.” He winked at me and it made me feel a little more comforted. _He’s right, I can always go back to him._

“But what if..what if I want to stay with you? Because I think I’d rather be with you than...Charon.” Annnd classic me just saying things without thinking. _Now I decide I want Hancock?_ He raised a brow bone at me and shook his head. 

“I think you need to have a serious and open talk with Charon before you jump on the Hancock bandwagon. I’d love for you to want me, permanently but I got to know that Charon isn’t stuck in your head somewhere.” Ugh he’s right. Hancock kissed the top of my head and I rolled onto my side. _Fuck. When is Charon getting back?_


	21. Choking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit longer of a chapter. Sorry it's taking me so long to write.

**Charlotte’s POV**

It was getting dark out and I was starting to become a little worried. _Charon should be back anytime. Hopefully nothing happened to him…_ I was sitting on the couch next to Hancock who was reading some papers he brought with him from Goodneighbor. I started picking at the dead skin on my hands out of nervousness. My eyes were fixated on the door, just waiting for him to open the door at any moment. Hancock became aware of my anxiety and grabbed ahold of my hands. 

“Sunshine, your fingers are starting to bleed. Stop. He’ll be back soon.” His tone was cool and collected as usual and it almost annoyed me. _I know he’ll be back. But it’s not soon enough._ I pulled my hands away from his and put them under my legs to stop fidgeting with them. 

“It’s just getting late.” I said trying to sound like I didn’t care as much as I did. Hancock let out a soft snort. 

“The guy is nearly 7ft of pure muscle. I think he can handle himself.” I knew he was right, but it still made my stomach turn thinking he had to handle all the danger out there alone. _He made it there fine. I’m sure of it. I mean there’s no guarantee to know. But he has to be fine. He’s Charon. He’s been taking care of himself forever. But then again anything can happen to anyone in this world. No one is bulletproof._ “He’s fine doll. Don’t stress.” Hancock’s voice was providing little comfort at this point. He gave my leg a little squeeze and I gave him a small smile in return. 

***** 

I didn’t even realize I had dozed off until the sound of the front door opening jolted me awake. I quickly sat up and pushed myself off of Hancock, who also seemed to have passed out. My heart was pumping faster as I took in the sight of the ghoul standing before me. It almost felt like I was seeing him for the first time. He didn’t look too tired, but he did look tense. His eyes were hard, like when I first met him. I wanted to run over and hug him. Just pull myself as tightly as I could to him, hoping to soften his hard exterior. Instead, I stood up awkwardly between him and Hancock. _Now what do I do? He’s home, he’s safe, and I couldn’t be more relieved but….do I say something about our time apart? Do I say anything at all?_ Thank god for Hancock because he decided to make the first move. 

“Glad to see return Charon. We were gettin’ a little worried you were havin’ too much fun down in the old Underworld.” Hancock gave a me a little wink and I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment. Charon looked at both of us, clearly unamused with the comment. 

“I’m glad you’re back,” I said so softly that it was almost a whisper. For a split second it looked as if there was a small gleam in Charon’s eyes before it quickly turned back to emotionless. 

“If you don’t mind Mistress I’d like to go to bed. I’ve had a long travel and could really use some rest.” His voice was cold and dead. _What happened to him? Why is being so...standoffish?_ Hancock moved off the couch and I moved out of the way so he could have the couch to himself. 

“Well I’m gonna head off to bed as well. Night.” Hancock said before casually exiting back to my room. Charon put his pack down on the side of the couch before flopping down harshly on his back. I was still standing uncomfortable in the middle of the room not knowing what to do. Charon closed his eyes and put one arm behind his head to relax. I swallowed a hard lump in my throat. 

“Hancock is uh leaving in the morning.” I managed to stutter out. Charon didn’t move. 

“I’m sure you’ll miss him.” I couldn’t tell if he was trying to be rude or not, regardless it was true. I’d miss Hancock dearly once he was gone. But not as much as I was glad that Charon was back with me. Hancock would always be there, Charon...well that’s not so much a guarantee. I chose to not respond to his comment and try to move on. 

“Things will hopefully go back to normal...right?” My voice wavered slightly causing my question to sound more like a plea. Once again Charon didn’t move. 

“Mistress I’d really like to sleep now.” _Ouch._ It stung a little but I took the hint and left the room. 

I walked into my bedroom to find Hancock laying on the bed, shirtless, his hat tipped over his face. I knew he wasn’t asleep but I didn’t care and began to strip my clothes. I searched my trunk for some semi clean clothes to wear so I didn’t seem so disgusting. I probably haven’t changed since Charon left. 

“Well, would you look at that view.” Hancock’s deviously coy voice behind me caused my stomach to do a slight flip flop. _Oh Hancock please not tonight. Don’t make things even more confusing for me right now._ I found some clothes and put them on before climbing into bed next to him. 

“Sorry doll. I just can’t help myself when I’m with you.” His hat was back to its normal place atop his head. _God why can’t I just have feelings for you. Why. Why. Whhhhy._ I rested my head on his shoulder. 

“Well are you ready to get back to Goodneighbor?” I asked. He looked down at me. 

“Not exactly. But I am still the mayor after all.” He gave me a small kiss on top of my forehead. I wanted to cry. I didn’t want him to go but at the same time I was ready to shove him out the door so I could spend some one on one time with Charon. It seemed like everything was getting more and more cloudy in my mind and I couldn’t get out of the fog. I grabbed onto to Hancock’s arm as if it would anchor me in this world. I started to fall asleep one last time with Hancock before his departure early in the morning. 

**Charon’s POV**

I slept hard last night. Harder than I had been for the past several weeks. I wasn’t expecting to either. I wasn’t at ease with myself after what I had done in the Underworld. I was relieved physically yes, but mentally I felt so wrong. I tried to not let myself think about that night too much. And right now I couldn’t look at Charlotte quite the same yet. I had been standing out the front door for several minutes composing my thoughts and hardening my expression to avoid any impure images from crossing my mind. But when I walked in and saw Charlotte jump off of Hancock and fit of rage burned up inside me. I forgot how jealous I was of Hancock. Charlotte invited him to take care of her _needs_ , but I knew she had some feelings for him as well. And that just made me want to snap his cheesy pirate neck. 

***** 

I wasn’t the first one awake that morning. I sat up and could hear the whispering of Charlotte and Hancock from their room. _They’re probably saying goodbye._ I couldn’t make out any of the mumblings and I was glad I couldn’t. I didn’t want to hear their sappy feelings for one another. I was just ready for Hancock to pack his things and leave. Although I’d be lying to myself if I said I wasn’t afraid to be alone with Charlotte. I didn’t want things to get worse between us. 

The door to her bedroom swung open and I could see a teary eye Charlotte and sad looking Hancock preparing for his departure. My heart broke a little seeing her eyes red with tears. Not as much as my body was ready to leap with glee that he was leaving. Hancock gave me a nod before speaking. 

“Well my friends, my time here has run out,” He was trying to make light of the situation to me before turning back to Charlotte. “And just remember sunshine, I’m always in Goodneighbor if you need me.” He gave her a soft kiss on the cheek before heading out the front door. Charlotte gave him a very sad smile before taking a seat next to me on the couch. I let the anger of him touching go when I saw how hard she was trying not to cry. 

“It’s back to the two of us now.” She choked out. A few tears slipped down her face and I had to resist the urge to wipe them away. I decided against the idea. _She has feelings for Hancock, not you. She’s upset because he left._ She looked at the floor and I could see her cheeks were red. She was fidgeting with her fingers and biting her lip. She sniffled several times before lifting her head up and smiling at me. “But I am glad that you’re back.” Her trembling voice sent shivers down my spine. 

“Yes.” Was all I managed to say. The courage to say any real response had cowered back inside me. Her eyes flickered to meet mine and I felt my throat tighten up. Her green eyes were ridden with tears but there was something else in them that was choking me. She patted my leg and I expected her to get up and leave, but she didn’t. She kept her hand close by my leg as her smile faded away and her face turned back towards the ground. 

“What do you want to do today? I’m sure you’re tired still.” Her tone was forcing itself to go back to normal. Her hand still an inch from touching my leg. I sat there frozen and a little confused. _Was that it? Hancock is now out of sight out of mind?_ I really wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. 

“You’re done being upset over his departure?” I asked a little coldly. She looked up and glared at me before letting out a sigh. 

“I cried enough about last night and yesterday. He left and I’m sad. But to make things go back to normal, I have to be normal.” Her answer shocked me a little. It was a true statement if ever. _Geez maybe she’s grown up a little._ She started to get up and head back to her room and my body twinged slightly as if to get up and grab her. “I mean I can go and cry about it all day if you want. Trust me I don’t really have to force the tears to come out.” She said dramatically. I rolled my eyes and relaxed more on the couch. 

“I get it, Mistress.” She sat back down next to me and my stomach wouldn’t stop flip flopping. I wanted to ignore everything I was brainwashed to believe. I wanted to all my thoughts and morals. I wanted to ignore Hancock’s pure existence and just grab her. Just hold her and tell her that I’ll always be here for her. _I need to tell her something. I need to just get things off my chest or I’m going to put myself into a coma._ She let out another soft sigh and made herself sit up a bit taller as if she needed to tell me something. 

“I know it seems like we’ve been having a lot of talks lately but I just feel like...like we never finish what we need to say. Ya know?” For a second I thought she had read my mind and was just pushing for me to say my feelings. _Don’t be fucking crazy and pull yourself together._

“I understand.” I mean I sort of did. This conversation could be going down a very different path than I wanted for all I knew. She nodded and bit her lip. 

“Good. Because I feel so loaded with all these...like...thoughts in my head. It’s driving me crazy.” I could tell she really wasn’t thinking about Hancock anymore because her voice quit shaking and her attitude was brightening. 

“I agree.” _Pull your head out of your robotic ass for once._

“Right..so um...how about you go first.” I looked at her with a mix of being stunned and being appalled. She should know by now that I am not one for sharing my thoughts and especially not first. She looked back with mildly pleading eyes as if she really didn’t want to go first. It was pulling on my heart and I was fighting so hard against it. I couldn’t just put everything out there first. No way in hell. But the longer she stared at me with those _eyes_ the more my heart was winning. I felt like my body was going to implode at any second and then we wouldn’t even have to have this conversation. My hands had automatically tightened into fists and I knew my face was looking angry now. But that didn’t change her face, in fact she just scooted closer to me. Her eyes just piercing a hole into every wall I had put up around me. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK._

“OK!” I shouted louder than we both expected. My body started to go numb and it seemed like the world was blackening around us. “I’ll go first..”


	22. The End of the Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is a little short, BUT NEXT ONE WILL BE LONGER JUST YOU WAIT. WE'RE ALMOST AT THE END YOU GUYS, WHO KNOWS IF IT'LL BE HAPPY OR SAD.

**Charon’s POV**

How it went from her being upset about Hancock to us having this conversation was beyond me. I wasn’t expecting it to happen now and I really wasn’t prepared for it, not that I ever would be. My body had gone from being tensed up to numb in a matter of moments and I almost felt like I was having an out of body experience. I could see everything that was happening like I was watching it on it monitor. Her eyes tried hard to see what was going on in my head and I was struggling to keep a blank expression. I was about to tell her a little of how I was feeling, I didn’t need to show her as well. Her leg was touching mine at this point and it felt like it was burning the flesh right off of me. My body was cold everywhere else but that spot was hot as hell. 

I wanted to change my mind. To just walk out of the door and never look back. Leave her alone. Leave her to cry and run off to Hancock. Just cut myself right out of the picture and return to what I was used to. I’d have to steal my contract in order to do so, but I could easily get away with that. She wouldn’t know what to do and she wouldn’t be able to stop me either. I could go back to having no ties to my owner. I’d just work and zone out. I wouldn’t have to think about their feelings, their concerns, and certainly not whether or not they’d like this piece of junk I found. Nothing would matter anymore. Life would be meaningless other than the same factor of keeping them safe. And even that I wouldn’t be worried if they got a scratch or a bruise, I just needed them alive. I could just walk right out. 

My forehead had developed little sweat beads and it made everything seem more stressful. I was showing that this was taxing on me and I couldn’t do anything about it. She was staring me still with pleading eyes. It was aggravating that this...girl was driving me out of my right fucking mind. At this point I wanted to choke her just as much as I wanted to hold her. I let out a huge sigh, relieving some tension in my chest and mentally rehearsed what I was going to say. _You are killing me. You are just some little girl who I have been travelling with and you are the only one who I’ve managed to develop some sort of relationship with. I didn’t want this. I’m not used to feeling like this. Emotions are not my strong suit. This is making everything so complicated and I hate it._

“Charon?” Her little voice pulled me from my thoughts and melted all the words that were ready to come out of me. 

“You are the first owner I have actually formed a...bond with.” My words sounded firm and I was actually surprised that I managed to spit that out. A hint of a smile formed on her face and she cocked an eyebrow at me. 

“Is that all?” She said curiously. I thought for a minute. _No that’s not all but that’s probably all I can bare to say at this time._

“I’ve come to….learn to care for your well being.” That didn’t sound as firm as the first time. The sweat dripped down into my eye and she giggled as she saw me flinch. “You must understand that this is difficult for me. I do not ever express my thoughts.” She leaned a little closer to me and suddenly my body went from numb to alert. 

“You sort of did once before.” She practically whispered. She was right I had told her I cared for her once before. And while that was true, it was also out of desperation to make sure she wouldn’t try to kill herself. I wasn’t going to tell her that. 

“Regardless, I was brainwashed to not have feelings and ultimately not have thoughts. And I was used to living that way for a very long time. I had no cares or passion for anything. It’s strange for me to have some..fondness for someone.” She perked up and sat back slightly. I felt like I could breathe a little with the extra inches of space. The sweat didn’t stop coming and I just wanted my part to be done with. “Mistress maybe you’d like to speak now?” I half asked and half demanded. She folded her arms across her chest and let out a huff. 

“But I’m enjoying hearing you struggle to say you like me.” She said very pompously. I wanted to smack her but in a way I was relieved knowing she knew what I was trying to say. I sat back on the couch not as tense but still keeping my expression cold. 

“Like I said. Maybe you should speak now.” I repeated. She rolled her eyes and unfolded her arms. I watched her adjust herself as if preparing for a speech. _Please let this conversation end._

**Charlotte’s POV**

My heart started racing as I saw that Charon really wasn’t going to say anything else. My sassy attitude shrunk down and cowered away. I don’t think I really wanted to say my feelings anymore than he did. _God everything with him is so much harder._ Maybe this was why I stuck to Hancock like glue. He was so easy to talk to and he wasn’t all cold and rigid like Charon. We didn’t even have to speak to clear the air or know what’s happening. But with Charon it's like I’m chipping away at this huge glacier that just seems to never break. I felt horribly awkward trying to express myself around him since I care what he thinks. 

“Well um..obviously I uh...care about you as well, you know? So yup. That’s good. This is good.” I started to babble and I really didn’t know what I was talking about. I had leaned away from him at this and scooted closer to the arm of the chair. Our legs were no longer touching and I couldn’t tell if that him more or less comfortable. It certainly didn’t make me any more comfortable. I was fidgeting with the hem of my shirt, tugging and pulling at a loose string that eventually would start to unravel the whole thing. Charon sat there like a statue and it was slightly intimidating. You’d think talking to someone who was almost lifeless would be easier but that couldn’t farther from the truth. If he had any sort of expression it would guide me in a way, like “oh you looked interested well good cuz I am interested. Let’s be a thing or whatever. Or no let’s stay friends cuz you look worried that I’m gonna kiss you or something.” Instead I just get this blank stare from a tense body. 

“I think we have established that we care for each other, Mistress.” He said snapping me back to reality. He was looking at me dead in the eyes and I couldn’t tell if I wanted to kiss him or run away from him. I tugged at the string a little too hard on my shirt and ended up causing a rip, which caused Charon to break the eye contact. I let out a sigh and just looked at the newly formed hole. 

“Maybe that’s a sign that this conversation should end.” I said half jokingly. Charon looked back at my face and I just fake smiled at him. He didn’t look like he was going to move and he definitely didn’t look like he wanted me to leave. 

“Mistress, this tension isn’t going to end until we have this discussion. Neither of us want to be, but I think it’d be beneficial.” I was surprised that he said anything to be honest, but I was glad he did. We needed to get things off of our chest or else we were going to be stuck in this awkward relationship we formed. I continued to pick at the hole in my shirt. He looked down at the floor and stuck his head between his hands. _Maybe he’ll say something? He looks like he really needs to get something out there. He should just go ahead and say whatever. Yes, good plan._

“Well Charon you really look like you’re struggling to say something.” I said, hoping that he would just go ahead and talk. He shook his head. 

“I’m just waiting.” He said coldly. I sat there for a moment, getting myself ready for just laying everything out there. I was getting tired and frustrated of constantly beating around the bush. _Fuck it. Just say it. The worst that can happen is he leaves. Then it’s his loss and I’ll just go to Goodneighbor. I always have Hancock. Fuck it._

Just as I was opening my mouth to begin, I felt a harsh pain in my stomach. Everything inside me rushed to my lower abdomen and just lit itself on fire. Pain caused me to collapse on the floor and everything seemed like a daze. My intestines felt like that were exploding in me and the remains were clawing their way out. The skin on my stomach felt like it was shredding itself and everything was going to pour out on the floor in front of me. At that point I couldn’t tell if I was screaming or not because all I could focus on was the pain. Charon had scooped me up and was sprinting to the clinic, but my vision was coming in and out. Specs of white were floating around and I could tell I was going to pass out at any minute. I think Charon was talking to me but his voice was muted, every noise was muted and just this faint buzzing was all I could hear. I was so sure that my organs were no longer inside my body and that my skin was dissolving where it was shredding. My body was no longer working and I was afraid of what was happening. I thought I was practically a corpse. _I’m dying. I’m dying. My body is exploding and killing itself. I’m dying. I don’t want to die. I don’t want this pain. I’m going to die. Help. Help me. I’m dying._ That was my last thoughts before my vision had turned completely white before fading to black. There was no more noise. No more pain. Just a flash of heaven before the waves of dread swallowed me up and I was no longer here. I was no longer alive.


	23. She's Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a couple chapters left. No one is safe in my fanfics.

**Charon’s POV**

One moment she was sitting there, having this uncomfortable conversation with me and the next she’s on the floor screaming. It actually terrified me to see her turned stark white and fall like that. It was like she had become possessed in a matter of seconds and I needed to jump into action. I didn’t have to think before picking her up and running straight to the clinic, hoping the doctor could help her. I was trying to tell her she’ll be ok. That this will end soon. She’ll be ok and we can go back to the house and everything will be normal. But I could see her slowly slipping into an unconscious state in the mere minutes it took me to get her to the doctor. She couldn’t hear me. And I could feel myself breaking as her body was turning colder by the second. Her eyes rolled back into her head and I felt like I was carrying a dead girl. 

I practically threw her onto a table when we arrived at the doctor and started yelling that someone needs to fix her. I could see the doctor talking and grabbing tools but I was in such a blind fit of rage and sadness I couldn’t fully understand anything that was happening. Another person came into the clinic looking like they were the doctors assistant but I couldn’t be sure. My insides felt like they were crumbling and I wasn’t able to look at the table where I put her. My vision became blurry and I was stumbling around with my fists in my hands like a deranged deathclaw. I was breaking random boxes and empty glasses. I could feel hot tears running down my face and hear the shrieks of people telling me to control myself. It would be one thing if she fell from pain and was fighting it along the way, but she was so clearly gone that I just lost it. I could feel her die in my arms and whether or not she was gone for good I wasn’t sure. Everything was happening so fast it was scary and I was afraid of what would happen if she was dead. I already wasn’t handling this well and I don’t even know what I would do if she was really gone from me. 

My fists were bleeding from the glasses shards that had sprayed everywhere while I was smashing it. My skin was hot and I started tearing at my clothes looking for a relief. I burst open the door of the clinic to get a little air while my body was on fire. The people of the town looked concerned as I roared past them. I know I was quite the sight and I could see why people would be afraid to be near me. I was afraid of me at this point. I ended up just beating myself against the wall of the town. Crushing my skull against the concrete and metal. I was punching the shit out of my knuckles and I knew they were broken but I couldn’t feel anything anymore. I didn’t want to feel anything. Charlotte was dead on that table. She was gone. I failed her even more so now than before and I didn’t deserve to keep on living. I kept smacking my body against the wall until my body was tired I could hardly throw myself as hard as I wanted. I slid down and sat on the dirt, feeling blood trickle down my face. It was getting in my eyes and stinging but that was nothing compared to the pain I was feeling in my chest. It was so tight and pulsing so hard I thought I just might go into cardiac arrest if I didn’t crack my head open. My limbs were numb and heavy at the same time. I sat there in sun for a long time, not wanting or able to move. I couldn’t bring myself to go back to the clinic. I wouldn’t be able to look at her body, now that it’s cold and dead. 

_She’s dead. She is gone. Charlotte is dead. I never got to say how I felt. I don’t even know how I feel now. She is gone. I’ve lived through this so many times before and I never cared. Maybe once or twice I was a little sad that I wouldn’t be working for them but other than that it was just another one bites the dust. I should’ve just viewed this as a job. This is why I don’t get feelings, they impair my duties. I should’ve just put my fucking foot down and not let that little fucking girl change MY rules. Well fuck her. Fuck her for ruining everything. Fuck her for causing all this trouble and heartache for me. Fuck everything. I had no feelings for a reason and I knew this would be bad if I let it slip. God fuck her. I fucking hate her for all of this._

At some point I passed out from blood loss. My head was bleeding an awful lot and I didn’t realize how much because I was so detached from reality. I only knew I had even passed out because I woke up in the clinic hooked up to an IV. My head was bandaged along with my knuckles. Everything in me ached and all my open wounds stung. The doctor came around and injected some med-x into me. I winced as the needle pierced my skin. 

“Well, you’ve made quite the mess of yourself now.’ He said in a very mocking tone. I didn’t need anyone’s shit right now. “Well you’re friend is in poor shape. She must’ve had some serious internal bleeding going on and it finally caught up to her.” I wanted him to stop talking. I didn’t want to hear anything about her. I didn’t want to know anything or see anything. This whole time was just a waste to me. I was better off being treated like shit with Ahzrukhal. 

The doctor kept talking but all I could hear was _blah, blah, blah, blah_. Everything he said was meaningless to me. I just wanted to have a couple stimpacks and some water then get the fuck out of here. 

“Hey? Did you hear me?” The doctor asked barely grabbing my attention. I pulled out the IV and stood up, ignoring the pain shooting through my head. 

“I don’t care.” I said on my way out the door. I don’t care about anything anymore. Any point I had in this world was gone. Why should I give a fuck about anything anymore? I felt so hot and numb and all I could do was leave. Leave the clinic, leave Megaton, leave her. It was just like this flip was switched inside me and I was just as dead as she was. Any feeling I had evaporated into thin air and all I could feel was my head pounding. 

***** 

I headed out into the emptiness of the wasteland and just let it all soak in. The barrenness of it all. The anger that the people of this earth preached. The cruelness of it all. I sat on a hard rock, staring at the open. _Why the fuck does anyone choose to live in this world. How does anyone find any happiness in this kind of life?_ I wanted to just sit there and be anger or be nothing. I didn’t want this pain that welled up in my chest like it was a ticking time bomb waiting to burst. But I could feel the anger subsiding to hurt. I clutched at the torn pieces of my shirt just like she had fiddled with the hole in hers only hours ago. My teeth grinded together in my mouth to keep myself quiet. To distract me from the burning tears that were overflowing in my eyes and now sliding down my face. _She was here. Today. We were talking. Hancock literally just left this morning and now it's the evening. And she’s gone. She slipped away right in my arms and there was nothing I could do to even stop it._ The tears felt like they were burning holes right into my broken flesh and it stung even more than my wounds. My heart hurt in a way I didn’t think possible. I thought I felt it break when she sold me to that asshole in Diamond City. _That was just a fucking taste of what it really feels like._ I couldn’t keep myself quiet anymore and started to sob for the first time in many years. I held my place on that rock while the crying took control of me. _I didn’t get to say anything. How I felt. What I wanted to do. How I could’ve taken care of her. I had so many chances to say everything and yet I just stuck to my fucking robotic heartless cowered self. And then she just fucking gets ripped away from me. I had so many times and I knew she was practically fucking begging me to just say what was on my mind. And I fucked it up. And she’s just gone._ Regret began digging its way into my chest and settling right next to the pain of her being dead. All of this way too much. I never handled this much emotion before and this was an awful first time. She was just here and everything was just about to fall into place it seemed like. But then I just get fucked over and she has to die. _Fuck this life. Fuck all of this. Fuck anyone who even tries to find some point in existing. Because there isn’t one. There never fucking was._ The anger, sadness, and regret fought with each other inside of me for hours. I watched the sun go down and the moon shine on this god forsaken place while I cried harder than anyone probably ever has. I was living in hell and I couldn’t escape it. 

_Maybe I’ll just shoot my brains out and end this all. I know I could if I really wanted to. But I’ll have to go back to the house. Her house. Get my shotgun._ I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I couldn’t go back into that house. Not right now. And if I was serious about dying then now would be the best chance. No weapon, no safety, no food. I could die in so many ways if I try. _I could just head over to the underworld. I’ll either die before getting there or I can just start over in a way. Just become another bodyguard or bouncer._ I thought about when I met her for the first time. This small little girl strolled in and all of a sudden she had my contract. I could see the whole memory playing out in my head. 

> _”Talk to-wait.” She was holding my contract in those tiny hands of her and was smirking like the devil. I didn’t give a shit about her. She’s just some little girl who knows she can’t make it in this world alone. She folded the contract and put in underneath her shirt. Looking like she had just won the ultimate prize of a bodyguard._
> 
> _“So, as you can see, I just bought your contract. Meaning you're now my bodyguard.”_

Her voice echoed in my head like it was haunting me. I wanted to go back and change everything. Tell her no. Scare her out of the contract and give it back. I could see her standing there in my head just smiling so cutely and I wanted to gouge my eyes out. I tried to ignore it and think about something else. But memories of it all just drifted back into my mind. 

> _”Ok Chare bear, we’re heading out to Rivet City.” She said so casually. It angered me to hear that._
> 
> _“What did you call me?” I asked sternly. There was no way I was going to let this child give me a stupid nickname like that._
> 
> _“Chare bear. You gave me a nickname. Mistress. So I decided to give you one to. Chare bear.” She seemed so proud of that stupid fucking name like she was so clever. I snarled and closed the distance between us._
> 
> _“Do. Not. Call me that. It’s Charon or it’s nothing.” I said through gritted teeth as I stabbed her with my boney finger._
> 
> _“And who's the one with the contract here? Oh that’s right me.” She said in an infuriatingly playful tone to me.”_

She was so happy back then. So carefree and all it did was anger me. I wanted to snap her at neck at her dumb comments and now I would kill to hear her joke like that again. She didn’t do that anymore and now she never will. 

I wanted to stop thinking about her and I didn’t want to deal with all this feeling, all this hurt. I was tired of crying after who knows how many hours. The moon was high in the sky and I wanted it to be a sign of hope. A sign that if I ever went back into Megaton she’d be there ok and waiting for me. And I could tell her how I feel and everything I’ve ever wanted to do. But I knew I’d be telling myself a really bad lie.


End file.
